Murray's soccer team had to travel to Logan today for the second round of the state playoffs. OK, I don't have a problem with that.
When we got there, all the Murray parents were in the big bleachers, the ones that are usually for the home team. One of the moms said that the Logan coach said they didn't expect a lot of folks, so we should sit over there where we didn't have to look into the sun. A nice gesture.
Turns out it wasn't a good idea. And was the LAST classy thing they did.
When the game started, the announcer mispronounced most of the Murray kids names. I still don't know what he said when he tried to pronounce Logan Uliberrie's last name. But every time he did it, the whole Murray crowd laughed at him.
But the real fun started when he introduced the Logan High players. Most of whom were Hispanic.
This Michael Buffer want a be Motherfucker made the introductions like he was introducing the participants in a boxing match in Las Vegas. Every kid had a nickname between his first and last name, the goalie was, "The WALL!" And he rolled every R for all it was worth. OK, I can take that in the introduction, fire up the home team and crowd. But it didn't quit!
Every save was followed by, "The shot saved by THE WALLLLLLLL!" And when Logan scored a goal? I have never, ever heard anything so disrespectful to another team outside of the professional leagues. This ass clown actually yelled, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!" into the microphone for at LEAST a full minute. It was totally tasteless.
The Murray fans were pissed off. I volunteered to go shoot the guy. After all, he wouldn't have even been the FIRST guy in Logan shot by an Adult Probation and Parole Agent that day! OK, I'm a retired AP&P Agent. But that's funny, I don't care who you are.
Every few minutes, this jerk would shout, "Lets hear it for the Logan Grizzly!" I thought they were the Logan Grizzlies. Maybe they think they are the Utah Jazz, or the Chicago Fire.
But as annoying as the announcer was, some of the fans were even worse.
A group of six or seven kids, probably Jr. High Age, came in and sat behind the Murray fans, and were loudly cheering for Logan. I let it go for the first half, and at half time, I thought they left. We should be so lucky.
In the second half, they go louder. So I finally turned around, as they were only about three rows behind me, and said, "Let me ask you little jerks something. Are you sitting in the visiting team section because you're too stupid to know where YOUR fans are, or are you sitting here just to be assholes and you're looking for a fight?"
Dumb looks.
Then some ADULT males, sitting right behind me two rows stared giving me shit about giving the kids shit! Like I'M the bad guy? I don't think so.
I said to him, "Why are YOU here? Those guys are kids. They don't know any better until someone calls them on it. What's YOUR excuse?"
He says to me, "We can sit anywhere we want." To which about ten Murray parents turned around and shouted at them, "NO YOU CAN'T! The rules in this state say you have to sit in YOUR section!" My Murray peeps had my back.
Then the dumb ass says, "Then you should go to the other side of the field. That's for visitors."
One of the other soccer moms who was sitting next to Deb and I turned on this guy and let him have it. His eyelids were blowing back. I think he pooped his pants a little. She said to him, "YOUR coach told us to sit HERE! You have a problem with that, you go talk to him!"
Shortly after that, he and his buddy got up and left. And two of the Murray moms went and sat on either side of the kids who were mouthing off. The little shits didn't say another word the rest of the game.
Murray scores to even it up at 1-1, and it took about 15 minutes for the Michael Buffer want a be to put the goal on the scoreboard. Really? That's pretty petty.
But it got even worse in the shoot out. Still tied after two overtimes so we go to the shoot out. When ever Logan scored, the cheer leading, in Spanish was completely out of control.
Logan's players were great. Yeah, there was some pushing and shoving by BOTH teams (although Murray got three or four yellow cards, and Logan got none. This speaks more to the ref than the players and could be a whole, other blog) but when the Logan guys knocked you over, they helped you up.
Too bad the fans and the announcer couldn't have the class that their players did.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Back In The Hospital
Pneumonia. At least they can TREAT, pneumonia.
When I went home last Thursday, I had a vague feeling that everything wasn't right. But, hey, I was out of the hospital. So I pushed that feeling back. Didn't feel that great on Friday. Same with Saturday. But hey, I was out of the hospital.
Then came bed time on Saturday night. And it came early. I was exhausted. So I went to turn in about eight o'clock. After all, Cajun Justice was a rerun.
And it hit me. I couldn't breath. I was shivering so bad, that all my muscles were cramping. And it was getting worse, not better. I finally told Deb that she needed to call an ambulance.
Now, I know my loving wife was just trying to be helpful. I know she only had my comfort in mind. But she really had no idea how sick I was. She said, "Are you sure you don't want Meagan to take you to the Emergency Room?"
Well, unless she's done something I don't know about then no, I don't. Cause Meagan doesn't have any OXYGEN in her car! And the issue here, is that I can't BREATH! So I'm thinking the ambulance is the better choice of the two.
The paramedics were great, gave me a breathing treatment at the house. It didn't do any good, but it's the thought that counts.
All last week in the hospital, they kept telling me what MIGHT be wrong with me. MIGHT be because of the heart disease. MIGHT be your liver. MIGHT be your kidneys. MIGHT be residual effects of the bacteria you picked up in the tropics. Even the day I left, they had no final diagnosis for me. Here are some new prescriptions, good by, and good luck.
Well, I was in the ER less than an hour when a doctor told me that I had pneumonia, and they were going to admit me, put me on mass quantities of antibiotics, and they would run a bunch of tests on Sunday to see what else I needed.
OK, then. That's that.
Sunday might have been the worst day of my life. Well, until today, but more on that later. The oxygen was drying my nose out, which caused it to bleed. I was getting a fever, so they wouldn't give me a warm blanket, which left me shivering most of the day. You would be surprised the pain this can cause in your large muscle groups. Test after test, blood draw after blood draw, the day wore on. Turns out I had fluid in my right lung on top of pneumonia. Great, one more thing to worry about.
Of course, all of this combined to keep me awake most of Sunday night. But if you are up early enough on Monday morning, you can watch the ballet that is the merging of Frontrunner, Traxx and the buses coming to move a LOT of people in a very short time.
Monday wasn't so great. I went to take a shower, and nothing but cold water. This is not some Third World Clinic. This is the most advanced, and if you watch PBS, efficient hospital in the whole country! And I can't get a hot shower?
At least they took the fluid off my lung. I feel a lot better. Now I guess I just sit in here and wait for them to tell me I can go home again. But at least this time, I know why I was here. So I got THAT going for me.
When I went home last Thursday, I had a vague feeling that everything wasn't right. But, hey, I was out of the hospital. So I pushed that feeling back. Didn't feel that great on Friday. Same with Saturday. But hey, I was out of the hospital.
Then came bed time on Saturday night. And it came early. I was exhausted. So I went to turn in about eight o'clock. After all, Cajun Justice was a rerun.
And it hit me. I couldn't breath. I was shivering so bad, that all my muscles were cramping. And it was getting worse, not better. I finally told Deb that she needed to call an ambulance.
Now, I know my loving wife was just trying to be helpful. I know she only had my comfort in mind. But she really had no idea how sick I was. She said, "Are you sure you don't want Meagan to take you to the Emergency Room?"
Well, unless she's done something I don't know about then no, I don't. Cause Meagan doesn't have any OXYGEN in her car! And the issue here, is that I can't BREATH! So I'm thinking the ambulance is the better choice of the two.
The paramedics were great, gave me a breathing treatment at the house. It didn't do any good, but it's the thought that counts.
All last week in the hospital, they kept telling me what MIGHT be wrong with me. MIGHT be because of the heart disease. MIGHT be your liver. MIGHT be your kidneys. MIGHT be residual effects of the bacteria you picked up in the tropics. Even the day I left, they had no final diagnosis for me. Here are some new prescriptions, good by, and good luck.
Well, I was in the ER less than an hour when a doctor told me that I had pneumonia, and they were going to admit me, put me on mass quantities of antibiotics, and they would run a bunch of tests on Sunday to see what else I needed.
OK, then. That's that.
Sunday might have been the worst day of my life. Well, until today, but more on that later. The oxygen was drying my nose out, which caused it to bleed. I was getting a fever, so they wouldn't give me a warm blanket, which left me shivering most of the day. You would be surprised the pain this can cause in your large muscle groups. Test after test, blood draw after blood draw, the day wore on. Turns out I had fluid in my right lung on top of pneumonia. Great, one more thing to worry about.
Of course, all of this combined to keep me awake most of Sunday night. But if you are up early enough on Monday morning, you can watch the ballet that is the merging of Frontrunner, Traxx and the buses coming to move a LOT of people in a very short time.
Monday wasn't so great. I went to take a shower, and nothing but cold water. This is not some Third World Clinic. This is the most advanced, and if you watch PBS, efficient hospital in the whole country! And I can't get a hot shower?
At least they took the fluid off my lung. I feel a lot better. Now I guess I just sit in here and wait for them to tell me I can go home again. But at least this time, I know why I was here. So I got THAT going for me.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Holier Than Thou...
I've noticed a disturbing phenomenon in Utah over the years. I call it trying to, "Out Mormon" everyone else. This crazy woman in Utah County that bought all the t shirts is just the latest example.
It's gone from Legislators introducing obviously, Unconstitutional bills like trying to keep cable TV out of the neighborhood. To antiabortion laws that will not pass the court test. To trying to keep Utah some sort of separate entity with our own gun laws, etc.
But the ones that are the funniest are the ones like this Nut Ball woman in Utah County. You would think if you found a t shirt offensive, you wouldn't buy it. But no, if there is a chance to get seen by your friends and neighbors on the TV news being this offended (and who do you think tipped off Channel 2? The store? I doubt it) you buy $500 worth of them!
She claims she plans to hold them hostage until just before it will be too late, and return them for her money back. If I was the store manager, I'd tell her bullshit! You held my stock hostage for a month, so I couldn't sell them, now you want YOUR money back? I don't think so bitch, it's now MY money!
But the funniest thing is the whole family stickers on the back window of the minivan. Usually includes the dog and the cat, too. I have no idea where people get these things. I guess I don't go to the, "right" stores.
And it's not just Utah, it's across the whole LDS culture.
When we were in Denver in October I got passed by a really beat up minivan. Couple of dents, missing a hub cap, filthy dirty. Bet the oil hasn't been changed in years. But on the back window, in one corner, the mom dad and the six or seven kids stickers. The other corner the blue, "Y" sticker. And right in the middle of the whole shebang, a, "MITT" sticker.
Wow. You can't afford to feed the family and still break lose with a few bucks to wash the van. But you're going to vote for this elitist jerk who wouldn't give people like you the time of day? Of course you are! He's just like us. No he's not.
But you got all your bases covered in that Ward House parking lot every Sunday. Nobody can doubt your Mormon, "cred"!
So, Mormon's keep trying to be more, "Mormon-y" than your neighbors. It's a game more popular than Bunko or selling Noni Juice! But you really got a ways to go to beat that Utah County woman. She managed to not only get offended, but do it on the local news! Well played.
It's gone from Legislators introducing obviously, Unconstitutional bills like trying to keep cable TV out of the neighborhood. To antiabortion laws that will not pass the court test. To trying to keep Utah some sort of separate entity with our own gun laws, etc.
But the ones that are the funniest are the ones like this Nut Ball woman in Utah County. You would think if you found a t shirt offensive, you wouldn't buy it. But no, if there is a chance to get seen by your friends and neighbors on the TV news being this offended (and who do you think tipped off Channel 2? The store? I doubt it) you buy $500 worth of them!
She claims she plans to hold them hostage until just before it will be too late, and return them for her money back. If I was the store manager, I'd tell her bullshit! You held my stock hostage for a month, so I couldn't sell them, now you want YOUR money back? I don't think so bitch, it's now MY money!
But the funniest thing is the whole family stickers on the back window of the minivan. Usually includes the dog and the cat, too. I have no idea where people get these things. I guess I don't go to the, "right" stores.
And it's not just Utah, it's across the whole LDS culture.
When we were in Denver in October I got passed by a really beat up minivan. Couple of dents, missing a hub cap, filthy dirty. Bet the oil hasn't been changed in years. But on the back window, in one corner, the mom dad and the six or seven kids stickers. The other corner the blue, "Y" sticker. And right in the middle of the whole shebang, a, "MITT" sticker.
Wow. You can't afford to feed the family and still break lose with a few bucks to wash the van. But you're going to vote for this elitist jerk who wouldn't give people like you the time of day? Of course you are! He's just like us. No he's not.
But you got all your bases covered in that Ward House parking lot every Sunday. Nobody can doubt your Mormon, "cred"!
So, Mormon's keep trying to be more, "Mormon-y" than your neighbors. It's a game more popular than Bunko or selling Noni Juice! But you really got a ways to go to beat that Utah County woman. She managed to not only get offended, but do it on the local news! Well played.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
On Being A Cop
I was an accidental Cop. I got a degree in Sociology with an emphasis in Corrections and Criminology. I THOUGHT I was going to go back and get an MSW (Me Social Worker), but I didn't get accepted in graduate school right out of college, so I went to work. Thinking I might try again later.
Well, you get married, you get a house and a mortgage, and a kid and, well, things change.
And you end up working for Corrections. Then you end up going to the Police Academy and the next thing you know? You are wearing bullet proof under ware and kicking in doors in meth labs on, "No Knock" search warrants.
And thinking, "How did I end up here? I wanted to save the world. Now? I'm kicking it's ass!"
So it goes.
I have no regrets. It gave me a good living, let me meet and marry my wife and now I'm retired and have a pension. We both do. I could have made a lot of worse decisions.
But I was just thinking about how people don't really understand what being a, "Cop" means. You can watch, COPS on Saturday and see the bad stuff, but they also edit out a LOT of bad stuff.
You don't see what happens with the kids when the Cop has to put the parents in jail. The Cop has to wait for hours for the DEA to come and clean up the meth lab, and DCFS to come and pick up the kids. And when they pick up the kids? It tears your heart out.
The parents put their kids in that position, but I put them in the hands of the state. I did the right thing, but it never feels right when you do it.
I had to put people in jail for shit that they should NOT have gone to jail for. Smoking pot? Really? Well, I took the oath, and it's against the law. I did my job. But it was not always the right thing to do.
You see the worst of the worst of people. The poor, the, "underclass" of America are the folks who come in contact with guys like me. The Cops.
In the 23 years I was doing probation and parole, I had ONE case of a guy who lived in Willow Creek.
The middle of the road folks were the worst ones to deal with. The privileged, Mormon, white, Republican families that live in Riverton, Herriman, and those areas thought they were above the law. They wouldn't even open the door for us sometimes. Pricks.
But most of the time, we dealt with folks most of you wouldn't know about. Associate with. Live around. And it's true when they talk about, "The thin blue line" between society and anarchy.
We kept the society from having to deal with the folks who would bring anarchy. If they could. Cause they wouldn't CHOOSE to live like they do. And yea, they WILL take your stuff if you leave it unlocked.
I'm not thin, but I was sure a part of that line. And I think I did a good job. But it did leave me a little fucked up.
I was retired six years before I could go into a restaurant before I could sit with my back to the front door.
I still carry a gun sometimes. I get nervous being downtown or in West Valley City or Magna when my son plays a soccer game out there. Because for about ten years, I was THE Parole Agent for everything south of 2100 to 4700, and west of 3600 to the mountains.
I'm much more relaxed now. But when my friend got married in Michigan a number of years ago, a guy pulled his truck in front of us while we were walking across a street in front of my wife's blind cane, and I kicked his truck! Probably wouldn't do that now. I'm not as tightly strung.
But after all those years of having to be in, "condition red", it took some time to wind down.
So when you encounter a Police Officer, be it for a traffic ticket or some other reason, please keep in mind that we/they live in a different world. One in which every encounter with a person could be a life or death situation.
After all, the van he/she pulls over for speeding could be mom, dad and the kids late for a soccer game, or a parole fugitive from out of state. And he won't know until he gets to the window. So give a guy a break. The Cop is not trying to be a prick, even if they come off as one.
They are just trying to be careful and cautious. You get treated with the respect you want, by the respect you give. Not to the Cop, but to the badge.
Well, you get married, you get a house and a mortgage, and a kid and, well, things change.
And you end up working for Corrections. Then you end up going to the Police Academy and the next thing you know? You are wearing bullet proof under ware and kicking in doors in meth labs on, "No Knock" search warrants.
And thinking, "How did I end up here? I wanted to save the world. Now? I'm kicking it's ass!"
So it goes.
I have no regrets. It gave me a good living, let me meet and marry my wife and now I'm retired and have a pension. We both do. I could have made a lot of worse decisions.
But I was just thinking about how people don't really understand what being a, "Cop" means. You can watch, COPS on Saturday and see the bad stuff, but they also edit out a LOT of bad stuff.
You don't see what happens with the kids when the Cop has to put the parents in jail. The Cop has to wait for hours for the DEA to come and clean up the meth lab, and DCFS to come and pick up the kids. And when they pick up the kids? It tears your heart out.
The parents put their kids in that position, but I put them in the hands of the state. I did the right thing, but it never feels right when you do it.
I had to put people in jail for shit that they should NOT have gone to jail for. Smoking pot? Really? Well, I took the oath, and it's against the law. I did my job. But it was not always the right thing to do.
You see the worst of the worst of people. The poor, the, "underclass" of America are the folks who come in contact with guys like me. The Cops.
In the 23 years I was doing probation and parole, I had ONE case of a guy who lived in Willow Creek.
The middle of the road folks were the worst ones to deal with. The privileged, Mormon, white, Republican families that live in Riverton, Herriman, and those areas thought they were above the law. They wouldn't even open the door for us sometimes. Pricks.
But most of the time, we dealt with folks most of you wouldn't know about. Associate with. Live around. And it's true when they talk about, "The thin blue line" between society and anarchy.
We kept the society from having to deal with the folks who would bring anarchy. If they could. Cause they wouldn't CHOOSE to live like they do. And yea, they WILL take your stuff if you leave it unlocked.
I'm not thin, but I was sure a part of that line. And I think I did a good job. But it did leave me a little fucked up.
I was retired six years before I could go into a restaurant before I could sit with my back to the front door.
I still carry a gun sometimes. I get nervous being downtown or in West Valley City or Magna when my son plays a soccer game out there. Because for about ten years, I was THE Parole Agent for everything south of 2100 to 4700, and west of 3600 to the mountains.
I'm much more relaxed now. But when my friend got married in Michigan a number of years ago, a guy pulled his truck in front of us while we were walking across a street in front of my wife's blind cane, and I kicked his truck! Probably wouldn't do that now. I'm not as tightly strung.
But after all those years of having to be in, "condition red", it took some time to wind down.
So when you encounter a Police Officer, be it for a traffic ticket or some other reason, please keep in mind that we/they live in a different world. One in which every encounter with a person could be a life or death situation.
After all, the van he/she pulls over for speeding could be mom, dad and the kids late for a soccer game, or a parole fugitive from out of state. And he won't know until he gets to the window. So give a guy a break. The Cop is not trying to be a prick, even if they come off as one.
They are just trying to be careful and cautious. You get treated with the respect you want, by the respect you give. Not to the Cop, but to the badge.
Friday, January 3, 2014
That Is So GAY! And Armed
So the Fed's have decided, in the Courts, that it's not Constitutional for Utah (and that means any OTHER state) to deny marriage to Gay people.
Wow. That's great. But any of us who went to college, and understand how the country works, knew it was coming. It was inevitable. The Constitution was designed to protect the MINORITY from the tyranny of the MAJORITY!
After all, the folks who founded this country left England and fled to Holland to avoid being forced to join ONE religion. And live the way THEY told them to. And after that, risk their lives to sail to this continent to have even MORE freedom from religious oppression.
Now, admittedly, there were some bumps in the road. There were some Colonies that picked a religion. But once The Constitution was passed? That went away.
Except in Utah. 100 years later.
And it still exists.
Look, Governor Hebert, and the rest of you morons, you can NOT win if you take this fight further. It will just cost a lot of money. You remember the fight against cable TV in the 80's? No, you don't. Cause you spent a fortune on that and lost. But hey, you don't remember Prohibition, cause you didn't pay attention in history class, or you were home schooled.
Or in the Governor's case. You dropped out of college. Well out of byu. But that's not really a college.
You have to let it go. Marriage is a GOVERNMENT thing. Government grants those of us married, special rights that they don't grant to others. Tax breaks, inheritance laws, lots, and lots of other things. It's a GOVERNMENT thing, not a CHURCH thing. YOUR church will not ever, ever, not never, have to PERFORM a Gay Marriage! The Government can't MAKE you do it! So lighten up.
Under YOUR anti Gay thinking? My wife and I are NOT married? But we've been married for almost 29 years now. We get the tax breaks, etc. But our marriage was performed by a Judge.
So if you let MY marriage stand in Utah and, oh, I don't know? Lets say, Ohio's marriage stand in our state, but you don't let THEIR marriage stand in our state? Why would you let any other of their laws stand in our state.
We would not be members of the Interstate Compact on Probation and Parole. Extraditions. They would no longer have to come and get their fugitives who get caught here (and ours being held in theirs, we would NOT have to go get?). Do we really want that?
Do we want trucks that won't pass our standards of maintenance being allowed to drive on OUR highways?
This why we have a FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, so we have a COUNTRY!
And this is a big one in Utah. Would you not want to let other states not honor our concealed weapon permit? But you expect to honor theirs?
So get over it, Republican, Mormon, Right Wing, folks. The Gays can be married. No one CHOSE to be Gay.
So let's spend the millions of dollars the state would spend wasting their time on trying to beat the odds, which they will lose, on public education!
And by the way, Gary? I you don't decide to take the Federal Money to expand Medicare to a lot more people, just to make you a Tea Party darling? You will be giving MILLIONS of dollars to other states that THIS state paid in taxes just cause you're a jerk.
But you're going to do it anyway, aren't you?
Republicans are pricks.
Wow. That's great. But any of us who went to college, and understand how the country works, knew it was coming. It was inevitable. The Constitution was designed to protect the MINORITY from the tyranny of the MAJORITY!
After all, the folks who founded this country left England and fled to Holland to avoid being forced to join ONE religion. And live the way THEY told them to. And after that, risk their lives to sail to this continent to have even MORE freedom from religious oppression.
Now, admittedly, there were some bumps in the road. There were some Colonies that picked a religion. But once The Constitution was passed? That went away.
Except in Utah. 100 years later.
And it still exists.
Look, Governor Hebert, and the rest of you morons, you can NOT win if you take this fight further. It will just cost a lot of money. You remember the fight against cable TV in the 80's? No, you don't. Cause you spent a fortune on that and lost. But hey, you don't remember Prohibition, cause you didn't pay attention in history class, or you were home schooled.
Or in the Governor's case. You dropped out of college. Well out of byu. But that's not really a college.
You have to let it go. Marriage is a GOVERNMENT thing. Government grants those of us married, special rights that they don't grant to others. Tax breaks, inheritance laws, lots, and lots of other things. It's a GOVERNMENT thing, not a CHURCH thing. YOUR church will not ever, ever, not never, have to PERFORM a Gay Marriage! The Government can't MAKE you do it! So lighten up.
Under YOUR anti Gay thinking? My wife and I are NOT married? But we've been married for almost 29 years now. We get the tax breaks, etc. But our marriage was performed by a Judge.
So if you let MY marriage stand in Utah and, oh, I don't know? Lets say, Ohio's marriage stand in our state, but you don't let THEIR marriage stand in our state? Why would you let any other of their laws stand in our state.
We would not be members of the Interstate Compact on Probation and Parole. Extraditions. They would no longer have to come and get their fugitives who get caught here (and ours being held in theirs, we would NOT have to go get?). Do we really want that?
Do we want trucks that won't pass our standards of maintenance being allowed to drive on OUR highways?
This why we have a FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, so we have a COUNTRY!
And this is a big one in Utah. Would you not want to let other states not honor our concealed weapon permit? But you expect to honor theirs?
So get over it, Republican, Mormon, Right Wing, folks. The Gays can be married. No one CHOSE to be Gay.
So let's spend the millions of dollars the state would spend wasting their time on trying to beat the odds, which they will lose, on public education!
And by the way, Gary? I you don't decide to take the Federal Money to expand Medicare to a lot more people, just to make you a Tea Party darling? You will be giving MILLIONS of dollars to other states that THIS state paid in taxes just cause you're a jerk.
But you're going to do it anyway, aren't you?
Republicans are pricks.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
I Get A Lot Of Feedback On Pictures Of My Friend
- I just changed my Facebook picture to one of me with my friend, Lisa Landry, the Comedian, when she was here in SLC in April.
Lot's of people liked it.
When Deb and I met her, she was 60 pounds heavier. No one thought she was hot, but I thought she was pretty.
Then she loses all this weight. And when Phil and went to Las Vegas to see her in December of 2011. And he kept saying, only cause we had been drinking all day in my condo there, "You didn't tell me she was SO pretty!" I think he said it ten times.
Since Lisa, not even knowing Phil, came off the stage, and knowing me, and that I was there with a friend, walked right past ME and hugged and kissed Phil on the cheek. Kind of blew his mind.
I finally told him, "We didn't drive 600 miles to see her cause she's so pretty! We MARRIED pretty girls. We drove all this way cause she's so FUNNY! Get over it!"
Now, I posted a picture of me with Lisa, when she was here in SLC last April. Lots of comments on FB.
My son said it all when he said, after meeting Lisa at our house a few years ago, "Dad, your friend is HOT!"
OK, I get it. She's a really pretty girl. My best friend and my son thinks so. So I believe it.
But I don't see her that way. Pretty is just a bonus. She's the funniest comedian in America in my opinion, and I KNOW comedy!
I loved her work when she looked like a woman who had just had a baby!
I'll post some pictures, you decide.
You decide.
Listen to her album. If you think she's funny? Good. Does it matter that she's pretty? If you like comedy, it shouldn't.
End of story.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I Never Thought I'd SAY This, But...
I might want a SMALLER car!
I know, you all that know me are calling bullshit. But I shit you not.
I thought the next stop for Debra Jo and I would be an Audi A8. Not a NEW one. That's foolish! They want $110K for one of those? I can get one a year old for about what I would pay for a new A6. With lots more trunk space. And a V8, or V10.
But today, I dropped off the A6 for some minor repairs at the dealer. Only because it required THEIR computer to figure it out. And they gave me a really, sweet loaner. Q5 2.0, black on black.
Drives great, has lots of room. So I did some research.
I could buy a six cylinder model of THIS car, with a TDI! That gets 31 MPG on the highway. Has 340 BHP and all the bells and whistles, for about $20K LESS than I paid for my A6. In 2006! And I don't feel like I would be losing ANYTHING in either luxury or performance!
I really thought my SUV days were over. Since it became VERY obvious, that taking a blind woman out in the woods, or the desert to tent camp when she would have to make her own way to the outhouse, if there WAS one, was just a bad idea.
But I could be comfortable in THIS car.
No, it's not A8 luxurious. It doesn't feel like a limo. But the truth be known? I don't NEED a limo? It's just Deb and I. Danny will be off in college next year, and Meagan, the Autistic is 25 years old and does not like to travel, so I'm not going to make her. She's grown up now, and can make her own decisions.
So, Strong Audi might have just undersold a good customer, by giving me a car I could love when it's not the one I thought I loved? Sounds like a country song.
My A6 is far from done. But I'm starting to heavily covet a Q5. And all our bills are paid. Maybe, Danny would LIKE the A6, we could sell the Focus, and he could....
OH STOP IT! I have to quit thinking like this.
Even when it's half the price of what I was GOING to buy? I don't need to buy it yet.
I think I'll pick up my A6 tomorrow, and enjoy the ride home
I know, you all that know me are calling bullshit. But I shit you not.
I thought the next stop for Debra Jo and I would be an Audi A8. Not a NEW one. That's foolish! They want $110K for one of those? I can get one a year old for about what I would pay for a new A6. With lots more trunk space. And a V8, or V10.
But today, I dropped off the A6 for some minor repairs at the dealer. Only because it required THEIR computer to figure it out. And they gave me a really, sweet loaner. Q5 2.0, black on black.
Drives great, has lots of room. So I did some research.
I could buy a six cylinder model of THIS car, with a TDI! That gets 31 MPG on the highway. Has 340 BHP and all the bells and whistles, for about $20K LESS than I paid for my A6. In 2006! And I don't feel like I would be losing ANYTHING in either luxury or performance!
I really thought my SUV days were over. Since it became VERY obvious, that taking a blind woman out in the woods, or the desert to tent camp when she would have to make her own way to the outhouse, if there WAS one, was just a bad idea.
But I could be comfortable in THIS car.
No, it's not A8 luxurious. It doesn't feel like a limo. But the truth be known? I don't NEED a limo? It's just Deb and I. Danny will be off in college next year, and Meagan, the Autistic is 25 years old and does not like to travel, so I'm not going to make her. She's grown up now, and can make her own decisions.
So, Strong Audi might have just undersold a good customer, by giving me a car I could love when it's not the one I thought I loved? Sounds like a country song.
My A6 is far from done. But I'm starting to heavily covet a Q5. And all our bills are paid. Maybe, Danny would LIKE the A6, we could sell the Focus, and he could....
OH STOP IT! I have to quit thinking like this.
Even when it's half the price of what I was GOING to buy? I don't need to buy it yet.
I think I'll pick up my A6 tomorrow, and enjoy the ride home
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Traveling NOW, VS. Traveling THEN
When we were young, meaning my friends and I, well, and my wife too. We could travel at a moments notice.
You want to go to Southern Utah for the weekend? Break out the 98 quart cooler, fill it with food, beer, ice. Get the tent, the sleeping bags. Make a stop at the liquor store, fill the Isuzu with gas and off we go. Oh, don't forget food for the dog. Or the DOG for that matter!
We knew what we needed, knew where it was, and could throw that stuff together in a few minutes.
Now? Not so much.
I'm going to go to Denver this week with my friends, Phil and Al, to see my friend Lisa Landry the comedian, and I've been planning it for a MONTH!
Once we all decided that we were going to go, we had to all agree on what day we were going to leave. We had to decide WHICH show we wanted to go to. Well, if Phil can't get Thursday off, we have to leave on Friday, so we better book the late show on Friday night.
Then I had to find a hotel close to the show. Buy the tickets on line, print them off and make sure I have all this stuff in one place, so I won't forget it when we leave.
Then, starting last week, I had to get the car ready. Check the oil. Half a quart low. No sticker in the car telling me what my mechanic put in it, so I had to call him. Mobile One Synthetic, 5-30. Turns out I HAD a half a quart of that in the garage, cause it's what I use in the Camaro.
Fill the washer fluid. Check the tire pressure. Get the car washed, cause I at least want to START the trip with the car clean.
Check my prescriptions, make sure I have enough that I don't run out while I'm out of town! Never did THAT when I was young.
Spent today paying the bills that are due the first week of the month in case it snows in Wyoming on the way home, and we are stuck in Cheyenne for a week to ten days, turning our under ware inside out, that is if we can GET a motel room, so the mortgage doesn't get missed and BOA jumps all over us and by the time I get home, the house has been foreclosed, and Deb and the kids are living in my mom's empty condo with no furniture or cable and cursing my ass.
Tomorrow, I have to go fill the car with gas, pay any OTHER bills that have arrived, on line of course, just to be sure, and I hope I don't spend all night awake, worrying about what ever it is I forgot!
Man, might be easier to just stay home!
Any one up for an impromptu trip to the southern Utah desert? Oh, never mind. I can't camp any more. I would have to plug my CPAP machine into a Current Bush or I might die in my sleep from Apnea.
Man, life changes when you're old. I finally understand why my mother liked Erma Bombeck books, and I never thought they were funny.
You want to go to Southern Utah for the weekend? Break out the 98 quart cooler, fill it with food, beer, ice. Get the tent, the sleeping bags. Make a stop at the liquor store, fill the Isuzu with gas and off we go. Oh, don't forget food for the dog. Or the DOG for that matter!
We knew what we needed, knew where it was, and could throw that stuff together in a few minutes.
Now? Not so much.
I'm going to go to Denver this week with my friends, Phil and Al, to see my friend Lisa Landry the comedian, and I've been planning it for a MONTH!
Once we all decided that we were going to go, we had to all agree on what day we were going to leave. We had to decide WHICH show we wanted to go to. Well, if Phil can't get Thursday off, we have to leave on Friday, so we better book the late show on Friday night.
Then I had to find a hotel close to the show. Buy the tickets on line, print them off and make sure I have all this stuff in one place, so I won't forget it when we leave.
Then, starting last week, I had to get the car ready. Check the oil. Half a quart low. No sticker in the car telling me what my mechanic put in it, so I had to call him. Mobile One Synthetic, 5-30. Turns out I HAD a half a quart of that in the garage, cause it's what I use in the Camaro.
Fill the washer fluid. Check the tire pressure. Get the car washed, cause I at least want to START the trip with the car clean.
Check my prescriptions, make sure I have enough that I don't run out while I'm out of town! Never did THAT when I was young.
Spent today paying the bills that are due the first week of the month in case it snows in Wyoming on the way home, and we are stuck in Cheyenne for a week to ten days, turning our under ware inside out, that is if we can GET a motel room, so the mortgage doesn't get missed and BOA jumps all over us and by the time I get home, the house has been foreclosed, and Deb and the kids are living in my mom's empty condo with no furniture or cable and cursing my ass.
Tomorrow, I have to go fill the car with gas, pay any OTHER bills that have arrived, on line of course, just to be sure, and I hope I don't spend all night awake, worrying about what ever it is I forgot!
Man, might be easier to just stay home!
Any one up for an impromptu trip to the southern Utah desert? Oh, never mind. I can't camp any more. I would have to plug my CPAP machine into a Current Bush or I might die in my sleep from Apnea.
Man, life changes when you're old. I finally understand why my mother liked Erma Bombeck books, and I never thought they were funny.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Time To Call, Bullshit!
I keep losing friends on Facebook because I tell the truth. Tonight, I got scalded by some friends mother, who kept kicking my ass and asking me questions, while blocking my response, and telling me, "You're as arrogant as Obama!" For having an opinion that is different from yours?
Why don't you just go ahead and call me, "An uppity Nigger" too?
Racists, jerks. I have booted all of the whole family off MY FB page. I don't want to live in that world.
I don't mind having friends who disagree with me on FB. I enjoy debate. And some of my closest friends, I disagree with totally in political matters. Chuck Markham, I'm talking about YOU!
But last week, we spent hours together playing pool with our friend, Al and we are still and always will be friends.
But I have a problem with people who just don't pay attention. If you work paycheck to paycheck, you don't have health insurance, and you don't have a pension coming from your job? And you vote for Republicans? You are not paying attention.
And if you are in THAT category and you are against, "Obamacare" cause you think it's socialism? Again, you are NOT paying attention. What are you going to do when you get old and sick? Rely on Medicare? THAT would be SOCIALISM!
I have to laugh at the Tea Baggers who were holding up signs that said, "Keep your GOVERNMENT hands OFF my MEDICARE!" WTF? Where do you think MEDICARE comes from? Dumb ass.
And this government shutdown is NOT the fault of BOTH parties. It is TOTALLY in the laps of the Republicans. They don't want to fund, "Obamacare" cause they are scared to death that it will WORK! So they are throwing a temper tantrum. Jerks.
I don't have to worry. I have a bunch of money. I have a pension paid by the state. Cause I EARNED it! My wife and daughter are both getting SS disability, so even if they don't get paid? They still have Medicare. Which they should.
But there are a lot of folks out there that are going to be hurt by this.
And my friends mother, who was hating on Obama and blaming HIM for the government shut down, was saying that she was OK with it as long as her medical insurance was in tact and she got her Social Security check in the middle of the month.
When I pointed out that she was hating the government, but counting on her benefits? I was a total jerk, and, "as arrogant as Obama."
I'm the uppity nigger now? That can be the ONLY explanation for THAT kind of response.
These right wing, Tea Bagger, nut ball idiots are SO racists, and dumb about how the world works that this county is fucked unless we slap them down. And hard.
If you think the Democrats are responsible for this bullshit? You just don't pay attention. And if you think it's OK the Republicans are doing this to prove a point? Don't complain when your Social Security Check doesn't arrive. You voted for the jerks.
Why don't you just go ahead and call me, "An uppity Nigger" too?
Racists, jerks. I have booted all of the whole family off MY FB page. I don't want to live in that world.
I don't mind having friends who disagree with me on FB. I enjoy debate. And some of my closest friends, I disagree with totally in political matters. Chuck Markham, I'm talking about YOU!
But last week, we spent hours together playing pool with our friend, Al and we are still and always will be friends.
But I have a problem with people who just don't pay attention. If you work paycheck to paycheck, you don't have health insurance, and you don't have a pension coming from your job? And you vote for Republicans? You are not paying attention.
And if you are in THAT category and you are against, "Obamacare" cause you think it's socialism? Again, you are NOT paying attention. What are you going to do when you get old and sick? Rely on Medicare? THAT would be SOCIALISM!
I have to laugh at the Tea Baggers who were holding up signs that said, "Keep your GOVERNMENT hands OFF my MEDICARE!" WTF? Where do you think MEDICARE comes from? Dumb ass.
And this government shutdown is NOT the fault of BOTH parties. It is TOTALLY in the laps of the Republicans. They don't want to fund, "Obamacare" cause they are scared to death that it will WORK! So they are throwing a temper tantrum. Jerks.
I don't have to worry. I have a bunch of money. I have a pension paid by the state. Cause I EARNED it! My wife and daughter are both getting SS disability, so even if they don't get paid? They still have Medicare. Which they should.
But there are a lot of folks out there that are going to be hurt by this.
And my friends mother, who was hating on Obama and blaming HIM for the government shut down, was saying that she was OK with it as long as her medical insurance was in tact and she got her Social Security check in the middle of the month.
When I pointed out that she was hating the government, but counting on her benefits? I was a total jerk, and, "as arrogant as Obama."
I'm the uppity nigger now? That can be the ONLY explanation for THAT kind of response.
These right wing, Tea Bagger, nut ball idiots are SO racists, and dumb about how the world works that this county is fucked unless we slap them down. And hard.
If you think the Democrats are responsible for this bullshit? You just don't pay attention. And if you think it's OK the Republicans are doing this to prove a point? Don't complain when your Social Security Check doesn't arrive. You voted for the jerks.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
It's The Most WONDERFUL Time Of The Year...
I know I'm going to get a hard time for this. But so be it. I'm going to put myself out there and say that college football is the greatest game in the world. Yeah, yeah, I know. I love hockey. At all levels. I've even been known to enjoy a soccer game my son IS NOT playing in.
But college football is the best.
I know, America's Pastime is, or was Baseball. Let's face it. The NFL rules now. Even NASCAR, which used to be only limited to people from the south who actually KNEW where, "Moonshine" came from, cared about that sport. Now, you have stadiums of 200K Rednecks, watching a bunch of other Rednecks in fast cars make 1500 left turns in an afternoon, and waiting for someone you are NOT rooting for to crash into a bunch of other guys you're not rooting for so the guy you ARE rooting for, can win!
I understand the attraction to the NFL. It's pretty glamorous. But there are problems with it. It's pretty, "mercenary" any more. When I was a kid, a guy would spend his whole career with one team. Now? Not so much. You get drafted out of college, you spend three or four years with a team and have a great career. Even win a, Super Bowl! Little kids in town are buying your replica jerseys! They clamor for your autograph! You are a local hero! How could life get any better?
Well, if they offer you more money to play in Cleveland? THAT could be better. I don't like that.
And guys who have no reason to like the Miami Dolphins, or Dallas Cowboys (ESPECIALLY, the Dallas Cowboys) LOVE those teams! They live and die with the Pittsburgh Steeler's, but they have never been east of Denver? WFT? That isn't loyalty. That's trying to always pick a winner.
I find that folks who are college football fans are so, because they WENT to that college. And that instills some loyalty, even when your team sucks. I know a guy who lives in Utah and still has season tickets to Maryland, and flies back every week in the fall to watch his team with his brother who also went there. Because that was his school and he PLAYED college football there.
That last part is NOT required to fanatical. But I'm sure it helps.
How much do you have to love your college when they suck as much as Maryland, or Indiana, or Duke, or Vanderbilt, or Kentucky, the list is endless, to do stuff like that?
Now, THIS kind of loyalty is not always the case. Notre Dame fans who did NOT go to Notre Dame, and BYU fans who did not GO TO BYU are the WORST kind of college football fans!
Yes, Jerry and Todd, I'm talking about YOU! Just live with it.
If you live in Provo and all you know is BYU football? OK. If you live in Chicago and all you know is Notre Dame? OK. Hell, I was born in West Virginia, so I root for them. But BOTH of my parents went to school there! So I have a reason.
But blind loyalty to a religious school is, in my humble opinion, misguided. If not totally wrong.
I know somewhere there is a college with a football team called, Presbyterian. I was raised one, but I wouldn't root for them. Even if I knew where they were! Seems silly.
OK, I told you all THAT to tell you THIS.
My wife asked me tonight, what I was going to watch. And I told her I was going to watch, Florida Atlantic @ Eastern Carolina. Then later, on the PAC 12 Network, I was going to watch Sacramento State @ Arizona State. And she said, "Why?"
I told her... no I didn't, I just thought it for a few seconds, but I THOUGHT about saying it. Then moving out: "Cause it's college football. And I love college football, you know this. How many trips have we taken over the last 30 years to places you wanted to see, because there was a Utah game there?" Would you have EVER wanted to see Ann Arbor Michigan if the Utes didn't play there? New Orleans? Tucson? Ft. Collin's, Colorado? Laramie, "FREAKING" Wyoming? Corvallis, Oregon? Eugene, Oregon?.......
The list is endless.
What I really said was, "I like college football!"
Then she said, (and she REALLY said this. I shit you not...), "I can't imagine anything more irrelevant to my life than teams from Florida Atlantic and Easter Carolina playing football! And you watch this all fall!"
To which I replied, "Says the woman who spends 40 hours a week watching re-runs of, NCIS, CSI: Panguich, Las Vegas, New York and Provo, The Mentalist, The Good Wife, The Big Bang Theory, Two And A Half Men, Hawaii Five-O and any show about finding serial killers and child kidnappers, like you didn't get enough of ALL of that at WORK for 20 years?!"
Her reply was, "NO I DON'T!" and to walk into the bedroom and turn on the TV.
College Football one, network gibberish zero.
So, I'm in the dog house (what else is new?) But it doesn't matter. It's college football season, and it's great.
Saturday night, I told her I was enjoying having all the college football so much, that I might just order the NHL Center Ice package again, since I loved watching all the Redwings games with the local guys doing the game.
She said, "So, you're telling me you're not leaving the house until June?" Pretty much.
Oh, we'll go to Belize and Mexico. As long as it's after the Bowl Game are over, and they have ESPN on the, "dish" down there.
Is there a college game on Friday this week? Just asking...
But college football is the best.
I know, America's Pastime is, or was Baseball. Let's face it. The NFL rules now. Even NASCAR, which used to be only limited to people from the south who actually KNEW where, "Moonshine" came from, cared about that sport. Now, you have stadiums of 200K Rednecks, watching a bunch of other Rednecks in fast cars make 1500 left turns in an afternoon, and waiting for someone you are NOT rooting for to crash into a bunch of other guys you're not rooting for so the guy you ARE rooting for, can win!
I understand the attraction to the NFL. It's pretty glamorous. But there are problems with it. It's pretty, "mercenary" any more. When I was a kid, a guy would spend his whole career with one team. Now? Not so much. You get drafted out of college, you spend three or four years with a team and have a great career. Even win a, Super Bowl! Little kids in town are buying your replica jerseys! They clamor for your autograph! You are a local hero! How could life get any better?
Well, if they offer you more money to play in Cleveland? THAT could be better. I don't like that.
And guys who have no reason to like the Miami Dolphins, or Dallas Cowboys (ESPECIALLY, the Dallas Cowboys) LOVE those teams! They live and die with the Pittsburgh Steeler's, but they have never been east of Denver? WFT? That isn't loyalty. That's trying to always pick a winner.
I find that folks who are college football fans are so, because they WENT to that college. And that instills some loyalty, even when your team sucks. I know a guy who lives in Utah and still has season tickets to Maryland, and flies back every week in the fall to watch his team with his brother who also went there. Because that was his school and he PLAYED college football there.
That last part is NOT required to fanatical. But I'm sure it helps.
How much do you have to love your college when they suck as much as Maryland, or Indiana, or Duke, or Vanderbilt, or Kentucky, the list is endless, to do stuff like that?
Now, THIS kind of loyalty is not always the case. Notre Dame fans who did NOT go to Notre Dame, and BYU fans who did not GO TO BYU are the WORST kind of college football fans!
Yes, Jerry and Todd, I'm talking about YOU! Just live with it.
If you live in Provo and all you know is BYU football? OK. If you live in Chicago and all you know is Notre Dame? OK. Hell, I was born in West Virginia, so I root for them. But BOTH of my parents went to school there! So I have a reason.
But blind loyalty to a religious school is, in my humble opinion, misguided. If not totally wrong.
I know somewhere there is a college with a football team called, Presbyterian. I was raised one, but I wouldn't root for them. Even if I knew where they were! Seems silly.
OK, I told you all THAT to tell you THIS.
My wife asked me tonight, what I was going to watch. And I told her I was going to watch, Florida Atlantic @ Eastern Carolina. Then later, on the PAC 12 Network, I was going to watch Sacramento State @ Arizona State. And she said, "Why?"
I told her... no I didn't, I just thought it for a few seconds, but I THOUGHT about saying it. Then moving out: "Cause it's college football. And I love college football, you know this. How many trips have we taken over the last 30 years to places you wanted to see, because there was a Utah game there?" Would you have EVER wanted to see Ann Arbor Michigan if the Utes didn't play there? New Orleans? Tucson? Ft. Collin's, Colorado? Laramie, "FREAKING" Wyoming? Corvallis, Oregon? Eugene, Oregon?.......
The list is endless.
What I really said was, "I like college football!"
Then she said, (and she REALLY said this. I shit you not...), "I can't imagine anything more irrelevant to my life than teams from Florida Atlantic and Easter Carolina playing football! And you watch this all fall!"
To which I replied, "Says the woman who spends 40 hours a week watching re-runs of, NCIS, CSI: Panguich, Las Vegas, New York and Provo, The Mentalist, The Good Wife, The Big Bang Theory, Two And A Half Men, Hawaii Five-O and any show about finding serial killers and child kidnappers, like you didn't get enough of ALL of that at WORK for 20 years?!"
Her reply was, "NO I DON'T!" and to walk into the bedroom and turn on the TV.
College Football one, network gibberish zero.
So, I'm in the dog house (what else is new?) But it doesn't matter. It's college football season, and it's great.
Saturday night, I told her I was enjoying having all the college football so much, that I might just order the NHL Center Ice package again, since I loved watching all the Redwings games with the local guys doing the game.
She said, "So, you're telling me you're not leaving the house until June?" Pretty much.
Oh, we'll go to Belize and Mexico. As long as it's after the Bowl Game are over, and they have ESPN on the, "dish" down there.
Is there a college game on Friday this week? Just asking...
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Linda Ronstadt, Loved, Hated, Will Be Missed
When I as a kid, I was in love with Linda Ronstadt. She was not only the best singer, she was so beautiful. I thought she was awesome.
The best experience I think I ever had at a concert was seeing her at the Huntsman Center at the, "U" with my friend, Kelly Richards (who really wish I had KEPT DATING another blog there) and she just blew us away. The voice was amazing.
Kind of lost touch with Linda for many years, but a few years ago, I saw she was doing a show out in Wendover! I thought that would be awesome. So see one of my childhood, "hero's" as it were, up close and personal. And with Deb not being able to see very well, I would buy really good seats, and SHE could see an icon from our youth up close.
I paid $150 a ticket for fourth row center (as close as I could get). Over $150 for a room on a Saturday night, plus the cost to drive out there and dinner.
And the show sucked.
She came out, and did a an hour of shit from the 80's while sitting in a chair, with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra. No, Silver Threads And Golden Needles. No Blue Bayou. Total shit show. And in an hour, she walked off without even an anchor.
Pissed me off. I spent about $500 to see this person I loved and admired as a kid, and she gave me crap!
I'm not happy she's sick. But I'm sure disappointed that she didn't do a better job for her fans when she COULD have.
The best experience I think I ever had at a concert was seeing her at the Huntsman Center at the, "U" with my friend, Kelly Richards (who really wish I had KEPT DATING another blog there) and she just blew us away. The voice was amazing.
Kind of lost touch with Linda for many years, but a few years ago, I saw she was doing a show out in Wendover! I thought that would be awesome. So see one of my childhood, "hero's" as it were, up close and personal. And with Deb not being able to see very well, I would buy really good seats, and SHE could see an icon from our youth up close.
I paid $150 a ticket for fourth row center (as close as I could get). Over $150 for a room on a Saturday night, plus the cost to drive out there and dinner.
And the show sucked.
She came out, and did a an hour of shit from the 80's while sitting in a chair, with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra. No, Silver Threads And Golden Needles. No Blue Bayou. Total shit show. And in an hour, she walked off without even an anchor.
Pissed me off. I spent about $500 to see this person I loved and admired as a kid, and she gave me crap!
I'm not happy she's sick. But I'm sure disappointed that she didn't do a better job for her fans when she COULD have.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Purging The FB Friends List. It's NOT Cause I'm Angry With You.
We've all done it. You get a friend request, or, "People You Might Know" thing pops up. And you just say yeah, what the heck.
You kind of knew this person in high school. Or it's a friend's, now adult, kid (and that kind of makes me feel creepy if they are a young woman). Or it's a friend of a friend you have met once or twice.
You accept. Thinking that you would like to know what these folks are up to all these years later. Or what they are thinking. And after a while? Turns out what they are thinking is not at ALL what you are thinking, or they just don't post ANYTHING so you wonder why they bothered to get onto Facebook in the first place? They are just taking up space.
About twice a year, I get rid of those folks. It's not cause I don't like them. Not cause they pissed me off. Well, sometimes it IS cause they pissed me off. If everything you post is hating on the President? I'm tired of hearing from you.
I go down the list of my FB friends, and I start deleting people who have not said anything in a while, don't post at all, won't respond when they are on chat, and those I realize that I had NO idea why I put you on my friends list in the first place.
There were about 220 folks on my friends list when I started. I'm down to 192. And I'm OK with that. I can pay more attention to 192 people than 220.
Guys I played hockey with years ago, but haven't kept in touch with? Gone. People from high school that said they knew me, but I don't remember them? Gone. Friends adult kids that I have nothing in common with, and some I DO really like? Gone any way. People from high school who I DID know, but don't ever post, respond to chat or do ANYTHING on FB? Gone.
Two things I noticed as I was doing this. One was the folks who have deleted ME from their friends list. I'm not surprised. With my political and religious views? Hell, I could piss off the Pope. Even THIS one. And he's pretty Liberal. My friend, Phil thinks the Italian's in the Vatican are going to, "Whack" him if he doesn't shut up.
That will teach em to pick a, Jesuit and an educated guy to be in charge.
Oh, there I go AGAIN! Can't help myself.
The second thing was how many of my friends are DEAD! I'm not talking old relatives. I'm talking folks MY age, that I either worked with, or went to school with that have died! Cancer sucks, and it does NOT care how old you are.
I deleted about six or eight friends who have died in the last couple of years!
And I noticed something else. My friend, Kathy that lived in Provo that died of Cancer last year? I CAN'T delete her page. Someone is keeping it going and it consists of her friends and family posting how much they miss her. I really loved my friend. But I have to say, I think this is weird. I said my goodbyes the last time I saw her. Get over it folks.
So, if you are unfriended, as I have been numerous times. Don't get bent out of shape. No matter who you are? You are not EVERYONES cup of tea. And that's what makes life interesting.
Now, the 192 of you left of the 220 or so I started with? Let me know what you think. I'm curious.
You kind of knew this person in high school. Or it's a friend's, now adult, kid (and that kind of makes me feel creepy if they are a young woman). Or it's a friend of a friend you have met once or twice.
You accept. Thinking that you would like to know what these folks are up to all these years later. Or what they are thinking. And after a while? Turns out what they are thinking is not at ALL what you are thinking, or they just don't post ANYTHING so you wonder why they bothered to get onto Facebook in the first place? They are just taking up space.
About twice a year, I get rid of those folks. It's not cause I don't like them. Not cause they pissed me off. Well, sometimes it IS cause they pissed me off. If everything you post is hating on the President? I'm tired of hearing from you.
I go down the list of my FB friends, and I start deleting people who have not said anything in a while, don't post at all, won't respond when they are on chat, and those I realize that I had NO idea why I put you on my friends list in the first place.
There were about 220 folks on my friends list when I started. I'm down to 192. And I'm OK with that. I can pay more attention to 192 people than 220.
Guys I played hockey with years ago, but haven't kept in touch with? Gone. People from high school that said they knew me, but I don't remember them? Gone. Friends adult kids that I have nothing in common with, and some I DO really like? Gone any way. People from high school who I DID know, but don't ever post, respond to chat or do ANYTHING on FB? Gone.
Two things I noticed as I was doing this. One was the folks who have deleted ME from their friends list. I'm not surprised. With my political and religious views? Hell, I could piss off the Pope. Even THIS one. And he's pretty Liberal. My friend, Phil thinks the Italian's in the Vatican are going to, "Whack" him if he doesn't shut up.
That will teach em to pick a, Jesuit and an educated guy to be in charge.
Oh, there I go AGAIN! Can't help myself.
The second thing was how many of my friends are DEAD! I'm not talking old relatives. I'm talking folks MY age, that I either worked with, or went to school with that have died! Cancer sucks, and it does NOT care how old you are.
I deleted about six or eight friends who have died in the last couple of years!
And I noticed something else. My friend, Kathy that lived in Provo that died of Cancer last year? I CAN'T delete her page. Someone is keeping it going and it consists of her friends and family posting how much they miss her. I really loved my friend. But I have to say, I think this is weird. I said my goodbyes the last time I saw her. Get over it folks.
So, if you are unfriended, as I have been numerous times. Don't get bent out of shape. No matter who you are? You are not EVERYONES cup of tea. And that's what makes life interesting.
Now, the 192 of you left of the 220 or so I started with? Let me know what you think. I'm curious.
Friday, August 2, 2013
It's About Over
She limps. All the time. She can't move very fast. Chasing tennis balls is out of the question.
I had a total hip replacement seven weeks ago, and I can go up stairs faster than she can. And that isn't right.
She spends most of her time on her bed, or on the carpet in the living room in front of her, "human units". She will wander down the hall late at night to sleep on the floor next to her, Momma. But she can't jump up on the bed between us anymore.
She was the best friend for my Autistic daughter. Pretty much her ONLY friend.
She was the being that got nervous when the suitcases would come out, cause she knew we were leaving. Even though, "Grandma" would come and take care of her, and spoil her and give her more, "puppy treats" than any dog ever deserved.
She knew when any one of us was sick or hurt, and spent time in our lap, or at our feet.
The muzzle is SO gray! All the way up PAST her eyes.
When she was young, she was so excitable, and would chase a ball as long as you would throw it. We decided she was not a Black Lab. She was a, Meth Lab!
We used to buy tennis balls by the case at Costco cause a can at a time was just not good enough.
Now? It's about over. She has a hard time getting in and out of the house.
I'm going to miss this old dog. It's August. She's 13. Not a bad age for a, "Meth Lab".
With any luck, one night, she will just slip into the arms of Morpheus while she sleeps and dreams of chasing tennis balls. I really hope I don't have to have her put down, but I understand that that is probably the way it's going to end.
It's going to be tough on us all.
But its not far away. I can just tell. You love them and you lose them.
You might, if you've never had one, say, "Well it's not like losing a family member."
You would be wrong. And deserving of a punch right in your neck.
If you have the right kind of relationship with your dog? You don't keep them outside in a kennel and use them only to help you hunt game? Which is cruel and stupid. You will realize that loosing a dog is EVERY bit like losing a family member! They are part of your family. And you have to love them and treat them as such.
I'm going to miss this dog.
Every day is a bonus. I don't think the bonus will last until September. But I hope it does.
Hang in there, Solstice. We don't want to lose you. But we know we will.
I had a total hip replacement seven weeks ago, and I can go up stairs faster than she can. And that isn't right.
She spends most of her time on her bed, or on the carpet in the living room in front of her, "human units". She will wander down the hall late at night to sleep on the floor next to her, Momma. But she can't jump up on the bed between us anymore.
She was the best friend for my Autistic daughter. Pretty much her ONLY friend.
She was the being that got nervous when the suitcases would come out, cause she knew we were leaving. Even though, "Grandma" would come and take care of her, and spoil her and give her more, "puppy treats" than any dog ever deserved.
She knew when any one of us was sick or hurt, and spent time in our lap, or at our feet.
The muzzle is SO gray! All the way up PAST her eyes.
When she was young, she was so excitable, and would chase a ball as long as you would throw it. We decided she was not a Black Lab. She was a, Meth Lab!
We used to buy tennis balls by the case at Costco cause a can at a time was just not good enough.
Now? It's about over. She has a hard time getting in and out of the house.
I'm going to miss this old dog. It's August. She's 13. Not a bad age for a, "Meth Lab".
With any luck, one night, she will just slip into the arms of Morpheus while she sleeps and dreams of chasing tennis balls. I really hope I don't have to have her put down, but I understand that that is probably the way it's going to end.
It's going to be tough on us all.
But its not far away. I can just tell. You love them and you lose them.
You might, if you've never had one, say, "Well it's not like losing a family member."
You would be wrong. And deserving of a punch right in your neck.
If you have the right kind of relationship with your dog? You don't keep them outside in a kennel and use them only to help you hunt game? Which is cruel and stupid. You will realize that loosing a dog is EVERY bit like losing a family member! They are part of your family. And you have to love them and treat them as such.
I'm going to miss this dog.
Every day is a bonus. I don't think the bonus will last until September. But I hope it does.
Hang in there, Solstice. We don't want to lose you. But we know we will.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Oh, It's THAT Time Of The Year When You Can't Have It Both Ways
Summertime. You gotta love it. Warm days, cool nights. But now it's August.
College Football camps open this week. Games actually start BEFORE September. Thank you/Fuck you, ESPN.
I love college football, as do most of my friends. It is the best game in the world. But it sure means the end of a time of year we all love.
The, "Beach Boys" records get put away, the cover goes on the Camaro. There is a very fragrant pile of freshly cut pine on the patio. My back yard smells like a lumber yard.
And it's going to get cold.
You can't help it. It is as it is. Sweatshirt weather. Cold nights. You are going to have to pour the ice out of the outside dog bowl every morning.
And we are just around the corner from Winter.
And all that sucks.
But would you have it any other way? Nope. Love college football.
So this might just be the cruelest time of the year. You want to hang on to summer, but you know you can't. Not if you want your college football fix.
And that is cruel, man. Really cruel.
College Football camps open this week. Games actually start BEFORE September. Thank you/Fuck you, ESPN.
I love college football, as do most of my friends. It is the best game in the world. But it sure means the end of a time of year we all love.
The, "Beach Boys" records get put away, the cover goes on the Camaro. There is a very fragrant pile of freshly cut pine on the patio. My back yard smells like a lumber yard.
And it's going to get cold.
You can't help it. It is as it is. Sweatshirt weather. Cold nights. You are going to have to pour the ice out of the outside dog bowl every morning.
And we are just around the corner from Winter.
And all that sucks.
But would you have it any other way? Nope. Love college football.
So this might just be the cruelest time of the year. You want to hang on to summer, but you know you can't. Not if you want your college football fix.
And that is cruel, man. Really cruel.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Lighten The Fuck Up!
Last night, I posted a joke at the expense of a high school friend who was not know as very bright. Yeah, it was cruel. But the truth is, she had about as much chance of being a Sterling Scholar at I had being elected Homecoming King.
And I got a lot of shit for it.
Oh, shut the fuck up!
If it wasn't on Facebook, no one would come to her defense. When it's not on line, they all talk about her the same way.
It's Facebook! It's not the Congressional Record. Let it go.
We all know our place and our history.
So quit it. Just roll with the punches. So it goes.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Uppity
Uppity: Tending to be snobbish or arrogant. Usually followed in print and every other way in THIS country by the word, "Nigger". No definition needed.
I love my wife's family. Wonderful people. But there was a post on Facebook the other day from one of her niece's to the effect that it's not right that the President gets to take his family on vacation on the taxpayers dime! And to such exotic places! After all, when, "W" was President, he ONLY went on vacation to his ranch. None of these far away (read: UN-American places).
Well, "W" took more time off than any President in history (which is not a bad thing. I think he did LESS damage while on vacation). But the tone of the email was really telling.
THIS President shouldn't be able to take vacation on the public dime, but she had no problem with the rest of them doing it? Gosh, what could possibly be the reason for that? Cause she didn't vote for him? Probably. Cause he's a DEMOCRAT! And everyone in Utah hates THOSE guys! Maybe.
Could it be that THAT UPPITY NIGGER DOESN'T KNOW HIS PLACE!? I'm betting it's this one. Just sayin.
I had to point out to her that her father, who made his living in the Military and then when he retired from there, the public school system, has ONLY worked as a public servant his entire, adult life. He has flow on, Military, "Hop's" to take her mother and he to vacation in Hawaii. And other places.
And as for not taking vacations to, "exotic" places? Wow. She must hate her aunt and I. We, public employees both, even though we always paid our own way, like to vacation in places like Paris, Grenada, Mexico and Belize. I guess we are totally UN-American?
So, my feeling is, if you don't like this President cause of his politics, or even just because he's a Democrat. Fine. I can live with that.
But if you think HE should not be able to do what every other President has done for the history of this country? And THIS President should have to fly Southwest to take his family on vacation instead of Air Force One? There is something else there. You know what I think it is?
See, "Uppity".
I love my wife's family. Wonderful people. But there was a post on Facebook the other day from one of her niece's to the effect that it's not right that the President gets to take his family on vacation on the taxpayers dime! And to such exotic places! After all, when, "W" was President, he ONLY went on vacation to his ranch. None of these far away (read: UN-American places).
Well, "W" took more time off than any President in history (which is not a bad thing. I think he did LESS damage while on vacation). But the tone of the email was really telling.
THIS President shouldn't be able to take vacation on the public dime, but she had no problem with the rest of them doing it? Gosh, what could possibly be the reason for that? Cause she didn't vote for him? Probably. Cause he's a DEMOCRAT! And everyone in Utah hates THOSE guys! Maybe.
Could it be that THAT UPPITY NIGGER DOESN'T KNOW HIS PLACE!? I'm betting it's this one. Just sayin.
I had to point out to her that her father, who made his living in the Military and then when he retired from there, the public school system, has ONLY worked as a public servant his entire, adult life. He has flow on, Military, "Hop's" to take her mother and he to vacation in Hawaii. And other places.
And as for not taking vacations to, "exotic" places? Wow. She must hate her aunt and I. We, public employees both, even though we always paid our own way, like to vacation in places like Paris, Grenada, Mexico and Belize. I guess we are totally UN-American?
So, my feeling is, if you don't like this President cause of his politics, or even just because he's a Democrat. Fine. I can live with that.
But if you think HE should not be able to do what every other President has done for the history of this country? And THIS President should have to fly Southwest to take his family on vacation instead of Air Force One? There is something else there. You know what I think it is?
See, "Uppity".
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Trayvon, Zimmerman And The Untold Story
If the trial was all about whether or not this flabby, middle aged guy was getting the shit kicked out of him by a teenage boy and felt his only option was to use his gun to save his own life? Then under Florida law. The jury got it right.
But that is far from the WHOLE story!
He stood his ground, alright. But he stood it WAY too late.
Look, Zimmerman is the neighborhood watch guy in his gated community. You can call him a want a be Cop all you want, but there just isn't enough information to make that statement. Maybe he's just a guy who was tired of crime in his neighborhood. And he stepped up to do something.
BUT... When he called in a, "Suspicious" person, someone he didn't recognize, in his community, his job, as a Neighborhood Watch guy was over. End of story, you are out of it. The Police are on the way. The dispatcher even TOLD him to quit following the person that he called in, and the Cops were going to take care of it.
And this is where he SHOULD have stood his ground. Right where the dispatcher told him to cut it out. They would handle it from here.
But he didn't. He had to follow the kid. And the kid felt threatened. No one has any idea what, if anything was said between them. Did the kid say, "Why are you following me?" Did Zimmerman say, "Hey, I'm with Neighborhood Watch. Do you live here?"
Who knows. But between Zimmerman's phone call to 911 and Trayvon beating him up, Zimmerman screwed up. And it cost a teenager his life. And that's not right.
And yeah, I think the guy should have gone to prison. But it's not going to happen. And anyone who is surprised by this verdict, coming out of the state that stole the election for Bush in 2000, isn't paying attention.
If there were any REAL justice in this country? George Zimmerman would be sharing a cell with OJ Simpson, and they would both be serving life for Murder. Well, "life" being as long as it took one of them to make a good, "shank".
But that is far from the WHOLE story!
He stood his ground, alright. But he stood it WAY too late.
Look, Zimmerman is the neighborhood watch guy in his gated community. You can call him a want a be Cop all you want, but there just isn't enough information to make that statement. Maybe he's just a guy who was tired of crime in his neighborhood. And he stepped up to do something.
BUT... When he called in a, "Suspicious" person, someone he didn't recognize, in his community, his job, as a Neighborhood Watch guy was over. End of story, you are out of it. The Police are on the way. The dispatcher even TOLD him to quit following the person that he called in, and the Cops were going to take care of it.
And this is where he SHOULD have stood his ground. Right where the dispatcher told him to cut it out. They would handle it from here.
But he didn't. He had to follow the kid. And the kid felt threatened. No one has any idea what, if anything was said between them. Did the kid say, "Why are you following me?" Did Zimmerman say, "Hey, I'm with Neighborhood Watch. Do you live here?"
Who knows. But between Zimmerman's phone call to 911 and Trayvon beating him up, Zimmerman screwed up. And it cost a teenager his life. And that's not right.
And yeah, I think the guy should have gone to prison. But it's not going to happen. And anyone who is surprised by this verdict, coming out of the state that stole the election for Bush in 2000, isn't paying attention.
If there were any REAL justice in this country? George Zimmerman would be sharing a cell with OJ Simpson, and they would both be serving life for Murder. Well, "life" being as long as it took one of them to make a good, "shank".
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Dope. I Don't Smoke It, But I Might...
Despite my pro legalization Letter To The Editor in last Friday's Salt Lake Tribune, I don't smoke Marijuana. I tried it a handful of times in high school and college, and all it ever did was make me go to sleep. I got the same effect with a couple of glasses of white wine, and no one was going to put me in jail for, "Possession Of White Wine".
But I'll tell ya what. If this hip surgery doesn't happen soon? I'm about to try to find some of my friends who still smoke the herb, and see if they will fix me up!
I HATE narcotic pain pills. I don't like the bleary eyes, the foggy thinking, the constipation.
And Aleve and Advil are just not doing it.
And I don't want to keep drinking! That aint' right.
So maybe it's time for one of my buddies to roll a joint with a really curly top, and it's kind of fat in the middle. And I could smoke me in EFFIGY and see if it takes away the pain!
At this point, I'm willing to try everything. I think I can make it to Wednesday. But if they set it back again? I'm looking to get high.
Just a thought.
But I'll tell ya what. If this hip surgery doesn't happen soon? I'm about to try to find some of my friends who still smoke the herb, and see if they will fix me up!
I HATE narcotic pain pills. I don't like the bleary eyes, the foggy thinking, the constipation.
And Aleve and Advil are just not doing it.
And I don't want to keep drinking! That aint' right.
So maybe it's time for one of my buddies to roll a joint with a really curly top, and it's kind of fat in the middle. And I could smoke me in EFFIGY and see if it takes away the pain!
At this point, I'm willing to try everything. I think I can make it to Wednesday. But if they set it back again? I'm looking to get high.
Just a thought.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Why Is, "Stand Up" Such A, "Saussage Fest"!?
If I was a woman, I'd be pissed. Hey, I'm a MAN and I'm pissed!
I know that stand up comedy has always been a male dominated job. From Bob Hope to Zane Cook and, Nick Swardson, guys who were NOT funny got a LOT more Movie/radio/TV/satellite radio time than the women comics.
And I know stand up is a hard job. Cause after all, if it was easy? Zane Cook and Nick Swardson would STILL be doing it.
As it is? Zane is wishing there was just ONE more, Jessica Simpson movie they needed him for in the works. And Nick is wishing, "Reno 911" was still on the air, and he could get a couple more seasons of being the Gay, male, prostitute standing in front of, "Taco's, Taco's, Taco's, Taco's" on that show!
They canceled his series on, Comedy Central faster than, "Crodmandoon And The Flaming Sword Of Fire". Now THAT has to be a record.
The comedy hall of fame is still started with that, stuck around too long, not funny in the end, Bob Hope. But he earned his place.
No one will question Bill Cosby's place in the comedy pantheon. Those were the first albums my mother gave me as a kid in the 60's.
George Carlin is the undisputed king, or stand up comedy. No one can touch him.
Richard Pryor, Rodney Dangerfield, Eddie Murphy? Oh, no question, RIGHT there! Same league. No one can shit on these guys.
Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, David Letterman, they all EARNED their place in late night TV by being GREAT stand up comedians first. No question.
Didn't work out so well for Dick Cavett, or Joey Bishop. Or, Aresinio Hall, or, Chevy Chase, or countless others!
So here's the deal. If someone who was a short lived, nominal comedian like, Flip Wilson, and a guy who wasn't EVEN a comedian, like Dean Martin, could get a show on network TV? Why is Carol Burnett the only WOMAN who could do the same thing?
Why have not Mom's Mabley, Joan Rivers, and Rita Rudner not got their own shows.
Well with, Mom's, it's obvious. She was MOSTLY famous BEFORE TV. And she's WAY dead. Just seeing if you were paying attention.
Joan Rivers should have taken over, The Tonight Show from Johnny. But she pissed him off.
Rita Rudner is still filling houses in Las Vegas, even though she hasn't been on TV like HBO since the 1990's.
But tonight, (and truth be know, a lot of time since my friend released her album) I have been listening to, Comedy Central Radio and Raw Dog Comedy on Siriusxm. Just hoping that they will play her stuff.
A few summers ago, when my friend, Kelly McGuire was here to do a concert in the back yard, I told him, "I heard, Boat In Belize on Radio Margaritaville yesterday!" And he said, "Great! THAT'S another, $1.40!"
He was being a smart ass, but still. It has to do a guy good to know he's getting airplay on siriusxm!
The only woman I have heard on siriusxm is, Amy Shumer. I really like, Amy Shumer. She is SO funny. But I have a feeling that since Comedy Central just gave her a SHOW? That might be why she's the only WOMAN they are playing.
All the women out there who not only LIKE women comedians, but who ARE women comedians, need to rise up and get their place.
I'm in for some money to put together another, "Women Of The Night" on HBO. What is that web site you can post a project and people contribute? Just sayin...
I know that stand up comedy has always been a male dominated job. From Bob Hope to Zane Cook and, Nick Swardson, guys who were NOT funny got a LOT more Movie/radio/TV/satellite radio time than the women comics.
And I know stand up is a hard job. Cause after all, if it was easy? Zane Cook and Nick Swardson would STILL be doing it.
As it is? Zane is wishing there was just ONE more, Jessica Simpson movie they needed him for in the works. And Nick is wishing, "Reno 911" was still on the air, and he could get a couple more seasons of being the Gay, male, prostitute standing in front of, "Taco's, Taco's, Taco's, Taco's" on that show!
They canceled his series on, Comedy Central faster than, "Crodmandoon And The Flaming Sword Of Fire". Now THAT has to be a record.
The comedy hall of fame is still started with that, stuck around too long, not funny in the end, Bob Hope. But he earned his place.
No one will question Bill Cosby's place in the comedy pantheon. Those were the first albums my mother gave me as a kid in the 60's.
George Carlin is the undisputed king, or stand up comedy. No one can touch him.
Richard Pryor, Rodney Dangerfield, Eddie Murphy? Oh, no question, RIGHT there! Same league. No one can shit on these guys.
Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, David Letterman, they all EARNED their place in late night TV by being GREAT stand up comedians first. No question.
Didn't work out so well for Dick Cavett, or Joey Bishop. Or, Aresinio Hall, or, Chevy Chase, or countless others!
So here's the deal. If someone who was a short lived, nominal comedian like, Flip Wilson, and a guy who wasn't EVEN a comedian, like Dean Martin, could get a show on network TV? Why is Carol Burnett the only WOMAN who could do the same thing?
Why have not Mom's Mabley, Joan Rivers, and Rita Rudner not got their own shows.
Well with, Mom's, it's obvious. She was MOSTLY famous BEFORE TV. And she's WAY dead. Just seeing if you were paying attention.
Joan Rivers should have taken over, The Tonight Show from Johnny. But she pissed him off.
Rita Rudner is still filling houses in Las Vegas, even though she hasn't been on TV like HBO since the 1990's.
But tonight, (and truth be know, a lot of time since my friend released her album) I have been listening to, Comedy Central Radio and Raw Dog Comedy on Siriusxm. Just hoping that they will play her stuff.
A few summers ago, when my friend, Kelly McGuire was here to do a concert in the back yard, I told him, "I heard, Boat In Belize on Radio Margaritaville yesterday!" And he said, "Great! THAT'S another, $1.40!"
He was being a smart ass, but still. It has to do a guy good to know he's getting airplay on siriusxm!
The only woman I have heard on siriusxm is, Amy Shumer. I really like, Amy Shumer. She is SO funny. But I have a feeling that since Comedy Central just gave her a SHOW? That might be why she's the only WOMAN they are playing.
All the women out there who not only LIKE women comedians, but who ARE women comedians, need to rise up and get their place.
I'm in for some money to put together another, "Women Of The Night" on HBO. What is that web site you can post a project and people contribute? Just sayin...
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Lighten Up, Francis!
You remember the scene in the movie, Stripes where they are sitting in the barracks and the new soldiers are all telling the others about themselves? And the guy they called, "Psycho" says, "Any of you HOMO'S touch me? I'll kill ya! You touch my stuff? I'll kill ya! You call me, Francis? I'll Kill ya!"
Then the Sargent says, "Lighten up, Francis."
I'm feeling like Sgt. Slugowuski today. Why is everyone so serious?
I posted two jokes on Facebook yesterday. One was about my wife, the blind woman, calling me in the middle of the day to ask for the combination to the gun safe. Now that's some funny shit right there, I don't care who you are. How many ways can you go with a line like that? I mean, she can't SEE the keypad, and who's she going to shoot that couldn't just keep moving away from her? There are a million possible punch lines to that statement. ONE friend noticed it, and hit, "like" cause she thought it was funny.
The other joke was about women always wanted to change men. They meet you in a bar where you are drinking and smoking, and marry you, then they want you to change! I thought that was pretty funny. No less than SIX people came un-f******-glued at me! One old friend implied I was hating on women, cause men want their wives to look like supermodels and cook like they should have a show on, The Food Network!
A former boss seems to think I'm drinking myself to death and my wife is constantly bitching at me. Neither of which is true. It was just a joke!
Another friend seems to think I was telling the world I am dying and wondered how long I was going to be around. I'm having a HIP replacement not a HEART transplant!
One old friend even wondered why I would bring that shit up in the first place? Cause it was funny? I THOUGHT it was funny.
When I first got to know my friend the comedian, we ONLY communicated by email and Facebook messages or chat room (until she got too famous to use the chat room) for months. Never talked face to face, didn't talk on the phone. I never even thought to give her my phone number until she was driving out here last summer and wanted directions.
But one of the first things she said to Deb when we finally did meet face to face was, "Your husband is so funny. He should be doing stand up."
She got it. And we had never met. So how come folks I have know, sometimes since we were teenagers, think I'm a woman hating drunk with a death wish. And yet I don't believe in an afterlife, so that doesn't make a lot of sense.
I studied Sociology and Psychology. I KNOW that most communication is non-verbal, when folks are talking face to face. Voice inflection, facial expression, tone, body language all deliver a message. But when I have gone out of my way to tell anyone who's paying attention, that when I'm on FB, I'm doing, "Sit Down Comedy", cause I don't have the guts to be a Stand Up Comedian.
When I told this to Lisa, she said, "You kicked down doors in meth labs, and you're afraid to get up on a stage and tell jokes?"
I told her, yeah. If I was doing a no knock search warrant in a meth lab, and someone FOUND a BOMB (and it happened) I knew how to deal with that. If I was up on a stage and WAS the BOMB? That scared me.
So, for the thousandth time, if I say something on FB you don't like? Before you go off, take a second and ask yourself if I might be trying, even though it could be badly, to make a joke.
Now, if it's about politics or religion and pisses you off? Well, that's probably NOT a joke. I'm a total left wing Liberal and an atheist. So no, I don't respect your denial of global warming and evolution and I don't respect your religious traditions. That doesn't mean I won't like you as a person. But I won't stop eating to let YOU say grace in MY house, OK?
And I'm not a total jerk about it. If you're Jewish? I'll be happy to keep the cheese off your burger at the BBQ in my backyard. But don't expect me to give up the pork cause God told YOU it was a bad idea.
Oh, and for my Mormon friends, the few I have left, who are asking yourself, "What's the religious difference between a hamburger and a cheeseburger?" It's not Kosher to put the dairy on the meat. We'll talk about shell fish later.
I'm joking again. Lets see who gets it?
Then the Sargent says, "Lighten up, Francis."
I'm feeling like Sgt. Slugowuski today. Why is everyone so serious?
I posted two jokes on Facebook yesterday. One was about my wife, the blind woman, calling me in the middle of the day to ask for the combination to the gun safe. Now that's some funny shit right there, I don't care who you are. How many ways can you go with a line like that? I mean, she can't SEE the keypad, and who's she going to shoot that couldn't just keep moving away from her? There are a million possible punch lines to that statement. ONE friend noticed it, and hit, "like" cause she thought it was funny.
The other joke was about women always wanted to change men. They meet you in a bar where you are drinking and smoking, and marry you, then they want you to change! I thought that was pretty funny. No less than SIX people came un-f******-glued at me! One old friend implied I was hating on women, cause men want their wives to look like supermodels and cook like they should have a show on, The Food Network!
A former boss seems to think I'm drinking myself to death and my wife is constantly bitching at me. Neither of which is true. It was just a joke!
Another friend seems to think I was telling the world I am dying and wondered how long I was going to be around. I'm having a HIP replacement not a HEART transplant!
One old friend even wondered why I would bring that shit up in the first place? Cause it was funny? I THOUGHT it was funny.
When I first got to know my friend the comedian, we ONLY communicated by email and Facebook messages or chat room (until she got too famous to use the chat room) for months. Never talked face to face, didn't talk on the phone. I never even thought to give her my phone number until she was driving out here last summer and wanted directions.
But one of the first things she said to Deb when we finally did meet face to face was, "Your husband is so funny. He should be doing stand up."
She got it. And we had never met. So how come folks I have know, sometimes since we were teenagers, think I'm a woman hating drunk with a death wish. And yet I don't believe in an afterlife, so that doesn't make a lot of sense.
I studied Sociology and Psychology. I KNOW that most communication is non-verbal, when folks are talking face to face. Voice inflection, facial expression, tone, body language all deliver a message. But when I have gone out of my way to tell anyone who's paying attention, that when I'm on FB, I'm doing, "Sit Down Comedy", cause I don't have the guts to be a Stand Up Comedian.
When I told this to Lisa, she said, "You kicked down doors in meth labs, and you're afraid to get up on a stage and tell jokes?"
I told her, yeah. If I was doing a no knock search warrant in a meth lab, and someone FOUND a BOMB (and it happened) I knew how to deal with that. If I was up on a stage and WAS the BOMB? That scared me.
So, for the thousandth time, if I say something on FB you don't like? Before you go off, take a second and ask yourself if I might be trying, even though it could be badly, to make a joke.
Now, if it's about politics or religion and pisses you off? Well, that's probably NOT a joke. I'm a total left wing Liberal and an atheist. So no, I don't respect your denial of global warming and evolution and I don't respect your religious traditions. That doesn't mean I won't like you as a person. But I won't stop eating to let YOU say grace in MY house, OK?
And I'm not a total jerk about it. If you're Jewish? I'll be happy to keep the cheese off your burger at the BBQ in my backyard. But don't expect me to give up the pork cause God told YOU it was a bad idea.
Oh, and for my Mormon friends, the few I have left, who are asking yourself, "What's the religious difference between a hamburger and a cheeseburger?" It's not Kosher to put the dairy on the meat. We'll talk about shell fish later.
I'm joking again. Lets see who gets it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
