Friday, May 16, 2014

Logan High Is A Classless Organization. And I'll Tell You Why

Murray's soccer team had to travel to Logan today for the second round of the state playoffs.  OK, I don't have a problem with that.

When we got there, all the Murray parents were in the big bleachers, the ones that are usually for the home team.  One of the moms said that the Logan coach said they didn't expect a lot of folks, so we should sit over there where we didn't have to look into the sun.  A nice gesture.

Turns out it wasn't a good idea.  And was the LAST classy thing they did.

When the game started, the announcer mispronounced most of the Murray kids names.  I still don't know what he said when he tried to pronounce Logan Uliberrie's last name.  But every time he did it, the whole Murray crowd laughed at him.

But the real fun started when he introduced the Logan High players.  Most of whom were Hispanic.

This Michael Buffer want a be Motherfucker made the introductions like he was introducing the participants in a boxing match in Las Vegas.  Every kid had a nickname between his first and last name, the goalie was, "The WALL!"  And he rolled every R for all it was worth.  OK, I can take that in the introduction, fire up the home team and crowd.  But it didn't quit!

Every save was followed by, "The shot saved by THE WALLLLLLLL!"  And when Logan scored a goal?  I have never, ever heard anything so disrespectful to another team outside of the professional leagues.  This ass clown actually yelled, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!" into the microphone for at LEAST a full minute.  It was totally tasteless.

The Murray fans were pissed off.  I volunteered to go shoot the guy.  After all, he wouldn't have even been the FIRST guy in Logan shot by an Adult Probation and Parole Agent that day!  OK, I'm a retired AP&P Agent.  But that's funny, I don't care who you are.

Every few minutes, this jerk would shout, "Lets hear it for the Logan Grizzly!"  I thought they were the Logan Grizzlies.  Maybe they think they are the Utah Jazz, or the Chicago Fire.

But as annoying as the announcer was, some of the fans were even worse.

A group of six or seven kids, probably Jr. High Age, came in and sat behind the Murray fans, and were loudly cheering for Logan.  I let it go for the first half, and at half time, I thought they left.  We should be so lucky.

In the second half, they go louder.  So I finally turned around, as they were only about three rows behind me, and said, "Let me ask you little jerks something.  Are you sitting in the visiting team section because you're too stupid to know where YOUR fans are, or are you sitting here just to be assholes and you're looking for a fight?"

Dumb looks.

Then some ADULT males, sitting right behind me two rows stared giving me shit about giving the kids shit!  Like I'M the bad guy?  I don't think so.

I said to him, "Why are YOU here?  Those guys are kids.  They don't know any better until someone calls them on it.  What's YOUR excuse?"

He says to me, "We can sit anywhere we want." To which about ten Murray parents turned around and shouted at them, "NO YOU CAN'T!  The rules in this state say you have to sit in YOUR section!"  My Murray peeps had my back.

Then the dumb ass says, "Then you should go to the other side of the field.  That's for visitors."

One of the other soccer moms who was sitting next to Deb and I turned on this guy and let him have it.  His eyelids were blowing back.  I think he pooped his pants a little.  She said to him, "YOUR coach told us to sit HERE!  You have a problem with that, you go talk to him!"

Shortly after that, he and his buddy got up and left.  And two of the Murray moms went and sat on either side of the kids who were mouthing off.  The little shits didn't say another word the rest of the game.

Murray scores to even it up at 1-1, and it took about 15 minutes for the Michael Buffer want a be to put the goal on the scoreboard.  Really?  That's pretty petty.

But it got even worse in the shoot out.  Still tied after two overtimes so we go to the shoot out.  When ever Logan scored, the cheer leading, in Spanish was completely out of control.

Logan's players were great.  Yeah, there was some pushing and shoving by BOTH teams (although Murray got three or four yellow cards, and Logan got none.  This speaks more to the ref than the players and could be a whole, other blog) but when the Logan guys knocked you over, they helped you up.

Too bad the fans and the announcer couldn't have the class that their players did.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Back In The Hospital

Pneumonia. At least they can TREAT, pneumonia.

When I went home last Thursday, I had a vague feeling that everything wasn't right.  But, hey, I was out of the hospital.  So I pushed that feeling back.  Didn't feel that great on Friday.  Same with Saturday.  But hey, I was out of the hospital.

Then came bed time on Saturday night.  And it came early.  I was exhausted.  So I went to turn in about eight o'clock.  After all, Cajun Justice was a rerun.

And it hit me.  I couldn't breath.  I was shivering so bad, that all my muscles were cramping.  And it was getting worse, not better.  I finally told Deb that she needed to call an ambulance. 

Now, I know my loving wife was just trying to be helpful.  I know she only had my comfort in mind.  But she really had no idea how sick I was.  She said, "Are you sure you don't want Meagan to take you to the Emergency Room?"

Well, unless she's done something I don't know about then no, I don't.  Cause Meagan doesn't have any OXYGEN in her car!  And the issue here, is that I can't BREATH!  So I'm thinking the ambulance is the better choice of the two.

The paramedics were great, gave me a breathing treatment at the house.  It didn't do any good, but it's the thought that counts.

All last week in the hospital, they kept telling me what MIGHT be wrong with me.  MIGHT be because of the heart disease.  MIGHT be your liver.  MIGHT be your kidneys.  MIGHT be residual effects of the bacteria you picked up in the tropics.  Even the day I left, they had no final diagnosis for me.  Here are some new prescriptions, good by, and good luck.

Well, I was in the ER less than an hour when a doctor told me that I had pneumonia, and they were going to admit me, put me on mass quantities of antibiotics, and they would run a bunch of tests on Sunday to see what else I needed.

OK, then.  That's that.

Sunday might have been the worst day of my life.  Well, until today, but more on that later.  The oxygen was drying my nose out, which caused it to bleed.  I was getting a fever, so they wouldn't give me a warm blanket, which left me shivering most of the day.  You would be surprised the pain this can cause in your large muscle groups.  Test after test, blood draw after blood draw, the day wore on.  Turns out I had fluid in my right lung on top of pneumonia.  Great, one more thing to worry about.

Of course, all of this combined to keep me awake most of Sunday night.  But if you are up early enough on Monday morning, you can watch the ballet that is the merging of Frontrunner, Traxx and the buses coming to move a LOT of people in a very short time.

Monday wasn't so great.  I went to take a shower, and nothing but cold water.  This is not some Third World Clinic.  This is the most advanced, and if you watch PBS, efficient hospital in the whole country!  And I can't get a hot shower?

At least they took the fluid off my lung.  I feel a lot better.  Now I guess I just sit in here and wait for them to tell me I can go home again.  But at least this time, I know why I was here.  So I got THAT going for me.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Holier Than Thou...

I've noticed a disturbing phenomenon in Utah over the years.  I call it trying to, "Out Mormon" everyone else.  This crazy woman in Utah County that bought all the t shirts is just the latest example.

It's gone from Legislators introducing obviously, Unconstitutional bills like trying to keep cable TV out of the neighborhood.  To antiabortion laws that will not pass the court test.  To trying to keep Utah some sort of separate entity with our own gun laws, etc.

But the ones that are the funniest are the ones like this Nut Ball woman in Utah County.  You would think if you found a t shirt offensive, you wouldn't buy it.  But no, if there is a chance to get seen by your friends and neighbors on the TV news being this offended (and who do you think tipped off Channel 2?  The store?  I doubt it) you buy $500 worth of them!

She claims she plans to hold them hostage until just before it will be too late, and return them for her money back.  If I was the store manager, I'd tell her bullshit!  You held my stock hostage for a month, so I couldn't sell them, now you want YOUR money back?  I don't think so bitch, it's now MY money!

But the funniest thing is the whole family stickers on the back window of the minivan.  Usually includes the dog and the cat, too.  I have no idea where people get these things.  I guess I don't go to the, "right" stores.

And it's not just Utah, it's across the whole LDS culture.

When we were in Denver in October I got passed by a really beat up minivan.  Couple of dents, missing a hub cap, filthy dirty.  Bet the oil hasn't been changed in years.  But on the back window, in one corner, the mom dad and the six or seven kids stickers.  The other corner the blue, "Y" sticker.  And right in the middle of the whole shebang, a, "MITT" sticker.

Wow.  You can't afford to feed the family and still break lose with a few bucks to wash the van.  But you're going to vote for this elitist jerk who wouldn't give people like you the time of day?  Of course you are!  He's just like us.  No he's not.

But you got all your bases covered in that Ward House parking lot every Sunday.  Nobody can doubt your Mormon, "cred"!

So, Mormon's keep trying to be more, "Mormon-y" than your neighbors.  It's a game more popular than Bunko or selling Noni Juice!  But you really got a ways to go to beat that Utah County woman.  She managed to not only get offended, but do it on the local news!  Well played.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

On Being A Cop

I was an accidental Cop.  I got a degree in Sociology with an emphasis in Corrections and Criminology.  I THOUGHT I was going to go back and get an MSW (Me Social Worker), but I didn't get accepted in graduate school right out of college, so I went to work.  Thinking I might try again later.

Well, you get married, you get a house and a mortgage, and a kid and, well, things change.

And you end up working for Corrections.  Then you end up going to the Police Academy and the next thing you know?  You are wearing bullet proof under ware and kicking in doors in meth labs on, "No Knock" search warrants.

And thinking, "How did I end up here?  I wanted to save the world.  Now?  I'm kicking it's ass!"

So it goes.

I have no regrets.  It gave me a good living, let me meet and marry my wife and now I'm retired and have a pension.  We both do.  I could have made a lot of worse decisions.

But I was just thinking about how people don't really understand what being a, "Cop" means.  You can watch, COPS on Saturday and see the bad stuff, but they also edit out a LOT of bad stuff.

You don't see what happens with the kids when the Cop has to put the parents in jail.  The Cop has to wait for hours for the DEA to come and clean up the meth lab, and DCFS to come and pick up the kids.  And when they pick up the kids?  It tears your heart out.

The parents put their kids in that position, but I put them in the hands of the state.  I did the right thing, but it never feels right when you do it.

I had to put people in jail for shit that they should NOT have gone to jail for.  Smoking pot?  Really?  Well, I took the oath, and it's against the law.  I did my job.  But it was not always the right thing to do.

You see the worst of the worst of people.  The poor, the, "underclass" of America are the folks who come in contact with guys like me.  The Cops.

In the 23 years I was doing probation and parole, I had ONE case of a guy who lived in Willow Creek.

The middle of the road folks were the worst ones to deal with.  The privileged, Mormon, white, Republican families that live in Riverton, Herriman, and those areas thought they were above the law.  They wouldn't even open the door for us sometimes.  Pricks.

But most of the time, we dealt with folks most of you wouldn't know about.  Associate with.  Live around.  And it's true when they talk about, "The thin blue line" between society and anarchy.

We kept the society from having to deal with the folks who would bring anarchy.  If they could.  Cause they wouldn't CHOOSE to live like they do.  And yea, they WILL take your stuff if you leave it unlocked. 

I'm not thin, but I was sure a part of that line.  And I think I did a good job.  But it did leave me a little fucked up.

I was retired six years before I could go into a restaurant before I could sit with my back to the front door.

I still carry a gun sometimes.  I get nervous being downtown or in West Valley City or Magna when my son plays a soccer game out there.  Because for about ten years, I was THE Parole Agent for everything south of 2100 to 4700, and west of 3600 to the mountains.

I'm much more relaxed now.  But when my friend got married in Michigan a number of years ago, a guy pulled his truck in front of us while we were walking across a street in front of my wife's blind cane, and I kicked his truck!  Probably wouldn't do that now. I'm not as tightly strung.

But after all those years of having to be in, "condition red", it took some time to wind down.

So when you encounter a Police Officer, be it for a traffic ticket or some other reason, please keep in mind that we/they live in a different world.  One in which every encounter with a person could be a life or death situation.

After all, the van he/she pulls over for speeding could be mom, dad and the kids late for a soccer game, or a parole fugitive from out of state.  And he won't know until he gets to the window.  So give a guy a break.  The Cop is not trying to be a prick, even if they come off as one.

They are just trying to be careful and cautious.  You get treated with the respect you want, by the respect you give.  Not to the Cop, but to the badge.

Friday, January 3, 2014

That Is So GAY! And Armed

So the Fed's have decided, in the Courts, that it's not Constitutional for Utah (and that means any OTHER state) to deny marriage to Gay people.

Wow.  That's great.  But any of us who went to college, and understand how the country works, knew it was coming.  It was inevitable.  The Constitution was designed to protect the MINORITY from the tyranny of the MAJORITY!

After all, the folks who founded this country left England and fled to Holland to avoid being forced to join ONE religion.  And live the way THEY told them to.  And after that, risk their lives to sail to this continent to have even MORE freedom from religious oppression.

Now, admittedly, there were some bumps in the road.  There were some Colonies that picked a religion.  But once The Constitution was passed?  That went away.

Except in Utah.  100 years later.

And it still exists.

Look, Governor Hebert, and the rest of you morons, you can NOT win if you take this fight further.   It will just cost a lot of money.  You remember the fight against cable TV in the 80's?  No, you don't.  Cause you spent a fortune on that and lost.  But hey, you don't remember Prohibition, cause you didn't pay attention in history class, or you were home schooled.

Or in the Governor's case.  You dropped out of college.  Well out of byu.  But that's not really a college.

You have to let it go.  Marriage is a GOVERNMENT thing.  Government grants those of us married, special rights that they don't grant to others.  Tax breaks, inheritance laws, lots, and lots of other things.  It's a GOVERNMENT thing, not a CHURCH thing.  YOUR church will not ever, ever, not never, have to PERFORM a Gay Marriage!  The Government can't MAKE you do it!  So lighten up.

Under YOUR anti Gay thinking?  My wife and I are NOT married?  But we've been married for almost 29 years now.  We get the tax breaks, etc.  But our marriage was performed by a Judge.

So if you let MY marriage stand in Utah and, oh, I don't know?  Lets say, Ohio's marriage stand in our state, but you don't let THEIR  marriage stand in our state?  Why would you let any other of their laws stand in our state.

We would not be members of the Interstate Compact on Probation and Parole.  Extraditions.  They would no longer have to come and get their fugitives who get caught here (and ours being held in theirs, we would NOT have to go get?).  Do we really want that?

Do we want trucks that won't pass our standards of maintenance being allowed to drive on OUR highways?

This why we have a FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, so we have a COUNTRY!

And this is a big one in Utah.  Would you not want to let other states not honor our concealed weapon permit?  But you expect to honor theirs? 

So get over it, Republican, Mormon, Right Wing, folks.  The Gays can be married.  No one CHOSE to be Gay.

So let's spend the millions of dollars the state would spend wasting their time on trying to beat the odds, which they will lose, on  public education!

And by the way, Gary?  I you don't decide to take the Federal Money to expand Medicare to a lot more people, just to make you a Tea Party darling?  You will be giving MILLIONS of dollars to other states that THIS state paid in taxes just cause you're a jerk.

But you're going to do it anyway, aren't you?

Republicans are pricks.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

I Get A Lot Of Feedback On Pictures Of My Friend

  • I just changed my Facebook picture to one of me with my friend, Lisa Landry, the Comedian, when she was here in SLC in April.

    Lot's of people liked it.

    When Deb and I met her, she was 60 pounds heavier.  No one thought she was hot, but I thought she was pretty.

    Then she loses all this weight.  And when Phil and went to Las Vegas to see her in December of 2011.  And he kept saying, only cause we had been drinking all day in my condo there, "You didn't tell me she was SO pretty!"  I think he said it ten times.

    Since Lisa, not even knowing Phil, came off the stage, and knowing me, and that I was there with a friend, walked right past ME and hugged and kissed Phil on the cheek.  Kind of blew his mind.

    I finally told him, "We didn't drive 600 miles to see her cause she's so pretty!  We MARRIED pretty girls.  We drove all this way cause she's so FUNNY!  Get over it!"

    Now, I posted a picture of me with Lisa, when she was here in SLC last April.  Lots of comments on FB.

    My son said it all when he said, after meeting Lisa at our house a few years ago, "Dad, your friend is HOT!"

    OK, I get it.  She's a really pretty girl.  My best friend and my son thinks so.  So I believe it.

    But I don't see her that way.  Pretty is just a bonus.  She's the funniest comedian in America in my opinion, and I KNOW comedy!

    I loved her work when she looked like a woman who had just had a baby!

    I'll post some pictures, you decide.
The first one is Deb and I when we met Lisa.  The second one is her last album cover.  Truth be known?  I think she's hot in BOTH photos!

You decide.

Listen to her album.  If you think she's funny?  Good.  Does it matter that she's pretty?   If you like comedy, it shouldn't.

End of story.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I Never Thought I'd SAY This, But...

I might want a SMALLER car!

I know, you all that know me are calling bullshit. But I shit you not.

I thought the next stop for Debra Jo and I would be an Audi A8.  Not a NEW one.  That's foolish!  They want $110K for one of those?  I can get one a year old for about what I would pay for a new A6.  With lots more trunk space.  And a V8, or V10.

But today, I dropped off the A6 for some minor repairs at the dealer.  Only because it required THEIR computer to figure it out.  And they gave me a really, sweet loaner.  Q5 2.0, black on black.

Drives great, has lots of room.  So I did some research.

I could buy a six cylinder model of THIS car, with a TDI!  That gets 31 MPG on the highway.  Has 340 BHP and all the bells and whistles, for about $20K LESS than I paid for my A6.  In 2006!  And I don't feel like I would be losing ANYTHING in either luxury or performance!

I really thought my SUV days were over.  Since it became VERY obvious, that taking a blind woman out in the woods, or the desert to tent camp when she would have to make her own way to the outhouse, if there WAS one, was just a bad idea.

But I could be comfortable in THIS car.

No, it's not A8 luxurious.  It doesn't feel like a limo.  But the truth be known?  I don't NEED a limo?  It's just Deb and I.  Danny will be off in college next year, and Meagan, the Autistic is 25 years old and does not like to travel, so I'm not going to make her.  She's grown up now, and can make her own decisions.

So, Strong Audi might have just undersold a good customer, by giving me a car I could love when it's not the one I thought I loved?  Sounds like a country song.

My A6 is far from done.  But I'm starting to heavily covet a Q5.  And all our bills are paid.  Maybe, Danny would LIKE the A6, we could sell the Focus, and he could....

OH STOP IT!  I have to quit thinking like this.

Even when it's half the price of what I was GOING to buy?  I don't need to buy it yet.

I think I'll pick up my A6 tomorrow, and enjoy the ride home