"M, M, M, M, My, Militia!"

The, "Evil Feds" arrested nine, Christian Militia members today in the Midwest. "Christian Militia"? Isn't that an oxymoron, like, "BYU Scholar", "Military Intelligence", and, "Jumbo Shrimp"? I'd accept a, "Group of Christian Cheek Turners", but militia? That's a bit much.

It seems these, "Christians" were plotting to lure a Cop into a ambush with a traffic stop, kill him, and then when there were a whole bunch of other Cop's at his funeral, either shoot everyone, or blow them up with home made pipe bombs in an effort to start an armed revolution. That's ambitious. Doesn't leave much time for shooting abortion doctors, does it?

These folks, and the, "Tea Baggers" are planning a big gun rights rally in Washington DC on April 19th. You remember that day? It's the day the, Fed's stormed the religious nut ball compound in Wacco, Texas and those people chose to set themselves on fire, rather than get arrested by the, "Gubment". It's the day that another militia member, Tim McVeigh murdered almost 200 people in, Oklahoma City. Great day for a rally supporting your right to commit random acts of violence and have as many guns as you want.

Look, I'm all for guns. I have plenty of them. I'm just saying your timing sends a very poor message about how you think political change should happen in this country. We don't protect ourselves from a tyrannical government with a gun. You do it with a ballot!

And who's coming for your guns anyway? I'm on the Democrat's mailing list. So every morning, when I get my email about what groups we are going to purposefully piss off, and oppress, and what religions we are going to suppress, and I put on my Jack Boots (whatever THEY are, but it was a popular term in the 90's) and stomp out the door to do my duty, I check the list carefully. No one has mentioned gun owners yet.

Do you remember the last time we heard a lot of reports about, Militia's? When people would declare themselves, "Freemen" and wouldn't be tried in courts that had fringes on the flags? They put fake license plates on their cars from the Virgin Islands, wouldn't carry drivers licenses, and thought the only legitimate law enforcement was County Sheriff's? Yep, it was the last time we were talking about health care reform in this country. The mid 90's when there was another, Democrat in the White House, and the right wing nuts thought they were losing their country. Here we go again.

Pick up a copy of a book called, "A Force Upon The Plain: The American Militia Movement And The Politics Of Hate" by, Kenneth S. Stern. And read, "The Turner Diaries" by, Andrew MacDonald (it's not is real name, but that escapes me right now). I bought them from, "Caliber Press" back in the 90's. A group dedicated to training Cops to stay alive on the street. I attended their, "Street Survival" training three different times, and it was invaluable to me.

"Force" tells you about the way these, "Christian" groups think, and what they believe. They think, Jesus was an Aryan, and the, "Jewish Media" has changed history since they control the media and the banks. It's crazy stuff. But the book lets you understand how, and why these militia, Skinhead, and now, I'll include, "Tea Baggers" think. It was good information for anyone in law enforcement to have in the 90's.

And read, "The Turner Diaries" to really understand, how these people think. And what they are afraid of. It will help you understand them, and see through their BS, and the talking points, now being used by, "Tea Baggers" to try to scare the shit out of regular Americans. "They're taking your guns! They're expanding government to control you! The United Nations will rule the world! etc., etc., etc." FEMA death camps is a new one, I'll give them that.

The bottom line is there is a class of people in this country who feel powerless over their own situation. And when whipped into a frenzy by people like, Sarah Palin, are easily moved to action.

They can be convinced to show up at a Presidential speech carrying a rifle.

Or, plot to kill a Cop in the name of, Christianity.

This is crazy.

Mark my words, folks. One of these guys is going to blow up a building before 2012. You heard it here first.

Oh, I forgot. One of them already did! While I was in, Grenada in February, a nutball flew his private plane into an IRS building in Texas because he didn't want to pay his taxes. Really? I'm rich and I don't have a private plane. And I pay my taxes.

Tea Party BS.

An old friend of mine, who's now a Face book Friend, just emailed me a press release asking me to be at the Tea Bag Party in St. George, and an ad about, "Cleaning the House, and the Senate, too" this fall.

I need some feedback on this: Am I NOT making it clear that I'm a left wing, pinko, commie, educated, kind of person who reads newspapers and listens to NPR, and even though I DO buy books at, Costco, it's not the ONLY place I buy books? That I buy books? That I don't believe in your, "imaginary friend" who lives in the sky, and that I think the whole lot of gun nut, right wing, uneducated, Spam sucking trailer trash who listens to Glenn Beck is bat shit crazy?

Cause if I'm NOT getting that message across, I'll try harder.

Saturday

My son's soccer team moved up to Division 2 this year. These guys have been playing together since they were six years old. Always in Division 3. They didn't win much, even though they played hard. I even coached them for a couple of years, and they didn't win. But now that they're 14, they won enough last year to move up.

They had their first D2 game today, and they won, 3-1 on the road, in, "Glennbeckistan", out in, Harriman. And won convincingly. It wasn't close. And their best scorer, my son's best friend, Jaden, was out with a knee injury.

I'm hoping this is gong to be a trend. I'm not holding my breath, but they are ranked 11 in an 11 team league, and they just kicked number 8 to the curb, on the road, at number 8's home field. That's a good start.

I'm glad I bought the, Camaro in Orange and Black! Murray Max Soccer rocks!

Really? Are You Shitting Me With This?

So, the, R's have spent the whole day trying to trick the, D's into approving one of their bullshit amendment's in an effort to send the health care bill BACK to the house. Really? They thought that would WORK? Really? That's the best you could do? Really? Lame.

Now, Tea Baggers, are throwing bricks through windows at Democratic office's, and cutting gas lines at people's houses they THINK are Congressmen.

Let's call this as it is. The, Tea Bagger's are planning a big rally on April 19th this year. You remember what date this memorializes? The day that the BATF had to storm that nut ball's armed and crazy compound in Waco, Texas. And two years later, on the same date, a nut ball, militia member named Tim, murdered 180 people by blowing up the Federal Building in Oklahoma City.

Including the kids in the day care center. Really?

And the people who live in, "Glenbeckistan", are going to CELEBRATE this day? Really?

Kind of like the nut ball Legislator here in, Utah, who wanted to honor, John Browning for inventing the machine gun, on MLK day. A guy who was SHOT for working for civil rights. Really?

Now, I'm all for honoring, John Browning for inventing the machine gun because he's a Utahn, and his invention saved many, many, American lives in ALL of our wars. He's well worthy of honor. But on the same day we honor a man for his peaceful efforts at civil rights? Really? How do you think THAT'S a good idea?

Sounds kind of, "Anti Black Person" to ME! I'm just sayin...

The, Tea Baggers are a dangerous, and heavily armed, subversive group, dedicated to the overthrow of the American Government, because they don't like the fact that there is a, BLACK man, in the, WHITE HOUSE. And they HATE that a, "Nigger" is in charge of their country. These people are Racists, and redneck, uneducated, dumb asses. Nothing more. And they are whipped into a frenzy by, Faux News, and, Glenn Beck.

And we need to fear them. Because they are well organized, and armed. Really?

No. Kidding. They are all of the above, for sure, but they are not the Majority in this country. They are the Minority. They are the people who only buy books at, Costco (if they even KNOW about books!). Who think, Sara Palin is smart. Who believe that our President wasn't born in Hawaii, but in, Africa. Who think the, Democrats are trying to take away their guns with no evidence to prove it.

They listen to, Beck, and visit right wing web sights, and don't read newspapers, or listen to, NPR, or watch the network news. Even though they will tell you it's, bias to the left wing.

The, "Dumb" are getting TOO much attention lately. Relax smart people. But keep your gun loaded. I am.

Convention Delegate

Oh, not a problem. I'm a delegate. And, Mr. Matheson? You're fucked. Because I talked to some other people tonight. We have decided to elect a, DEMOCRAT in place of YOU!

You won't even put the, Democrat symbol on your signs! You won't vote for a bill that would allow me to insure my 22 year old, Autistic daughter? My wife who is going blind?

You're going down in convention, because you didn't do the RIGHT thing. You did what you thought would get you re-elected.

I'm sure that's not the reason you originally went to, Washington. You went because you WANTED to do the right thing. I truly believe that. But, you blew it. You started to like the job. Liked the privileges. Liked the pay.

I got an email from you tonight that was totally bogus, after your vote of, "NO" on health care reform, where you quoted, Ronald Regan. Really? You couldn't quote, FDR?

You, sir, are no, Democrat. You are a, "Poser". You talk, "D", you act, "R". Time for you to go. You had a good run, but you did it wrong.

You're fired. I'll vote against you, no matter WHO is running against you at the State Convention. Even if it's a, "yellow dog". You suck.

Ok, Alex. This one's for you. We don't live in Cuba, Yet! LOL

No single payer system, like in England and France. No, "Public Option", like Medicare for everyone. But, according to the, R's it's the end of the world as we know it.

Hey, R's! Did you notice the sun came up this morning? The Army has not brought tanks into the town square? The gun stores are still open? And now, maybe I can insure my 22 year old, Autistic daughter when my, "retirement health care" from the generous, State of Utah expires next year. Oh, except less than 24 hours after the bill passed, you, R's in the Legislature filed suit to try to exempt Utah from being a member of the United States of America, and being able to ignore the Federal bill.

In 2006, the Legislature took away the retirement health insurance I was promised 20+ years ago when I took the job. And then spent the next 20+ years in the state's meth labs, trailer courts, prisons, jails, and other generally shitty places for the whopping amount of money I was paid. And now, you want MY Country to not be able to provide it for me? WTF? Why do, R's HATE working people so much? I don't get it.

When my friend who's a Legislator, told me about the law suit tonight, I couldn't believe it. This is not a mandate on the State. It doesn't make you give up your health care if you are happy with your insurance. You don't have to pay for my insurance, except in taxes. And I have to pay my taxes for your wars, charter schools, stupid, "message bill" law suits, and tons of other stuff the Government does that I don't like, so I kind of see it as a wash out. But still, you want me to pay more for insurance.

OK, R's, since you have never been out of the country, except for a lobbyist paid golf trip, maybe, I'll enlighten you. You know why your xray's are sent to India to be read, and your Doctor is probably an, Indian? College and medical care are free in that country. You know why our, "American Cars" are being made in Mexico? Health care is provided by the government. I've been to England, France and Canada, and of all the stuff I talked to their people's about, health care doesn't come up, because the Government of all those places provides health care. They don't have a private insurance industry that takes all the money, and doesn't provide the care.

I just spent a week in Grenada (I'm pretty sure you, R's will know where this is. You're hero, Ronald, Ray-Gun invaded it 1983. And for the record, the Grenadians appreciated that we removed the Cuban influence from their country, but like with most of our wars, when asked about it they say, "We were glad you come, Mon. But you stayed too long, you know?". Yeah we know. Some of us know) and they have a government health plan that you pay for every month, and you can see a doctor any time you need one. And this is the only country where I had, in the space of a week, only ONE beggar ask me for money. Hell, I got hit up five times a day in, Louisville!

I know you, R's will say, "You're trying to eliminate the Health Insurance Industry in this country!" and I will say, "YES! YES I AM! You finally GET it!" We don't NEED them! They take all the money, and don't pay for your health care! Government has been proven to provide it more efficiently, and cheaper in EVERY other country in the world. Even, and know this hurts to hear it, CUBA!

The Bill that passed is FAR from perfect. It's not really reform, just change. But it's a step in the right direction. And it has done something else. It's motivated me to become more involved. I'm going to my Caucus meeting tomorrow night, and do my damnedest to become a delegate. I've done it twice before, so I think I can do it again. And I'm going to the county convention, and do everything I can to become a State delegate, and I'm going to vote for anyone who runs against, Jim Matheson.

He's not really a, Democrat. And he doesn't care about his constituency, he only cares about what will get him reelected in mostly, R Utah. And when a politician stops doing the RIGHT thing, for the CORRECT thing to keep him in office? It's time for him to look for a job, like all the folks in Michigan who saw there jobs go overseas because health insurance is so expensive.

When the, CBO (oh, sorry. For you, R's that don't read newspapers, or listen to NPR, because you live in, "Glenbeckistan" and only get your, "news" from, "Faux News", that's the Congressional Budget Office. The bi-partisan office that analyzes the monetary cost of any bill. Oops, did it again: Monetary= cost, in Money) says it will save TRILLIONS over the next 20 years (almost enough to pay for two unnecessary wars you, R's started), and you DON'T vote for it because it's going to be, "too expensive", you're just not paying attention. Too many tea bags on you hat, move them over and read a newspaper.

Teenagers

This afternoon, while I was putting my car away, my friend, Phil looked behind my garage and said, "There's a, PBR can back here. You think it's, Danny's?" He was kidding, since I live right off of 5400 South, I'm pretty sure that someone who was about to get stopped by the Murray Police, tossed it over my fence. And I don't drink, Pabst Blue Ribbon unless I'm at my Friend, Steve's place. Or in, Wrigley Field. The other beers there are the dregs, trust me. Old Style sucks to the max!

So about an hour later, he's still giving me grief, and says, "Call you son out here and ask him if he knows what a, "PBR" is!" So I did. And, Danny didn't have a clue. So I asked him, "Did you dump a beer can behind the garage?" And he says, "NO!", and I believe him.

But his buddy, and soccer teammate, Zach says, without provocation, "You don't dump them behind the garage. You put them in the neighbor's recycle can!"

No shit? You're 14 and you came up with that answer without even thinking about it? Really?

I have to keep a sharper eye on these guys. They are every bit as devious, and sneaky as I was as a teenager.

I just kicked two girls out of the basement because they were watching a movie, but there were too many blankets covering them. The four OF them! On ONE leather couch. I'm old but I'm not stupid.

Boy, am I getting paid back for being me. I think I'm 10 for 10 in the, "what goes around, comes around" arena! And he's actually GOOD looking, unlike his father. This can only get worse.

Glenn Beck is, "Batshit Crazy".

How does anyone believe this guy? He's nuts! Totally out of his mind! And yet, he has a show on a national TV channel. It's not a news channel. Faux News is not really, "news". It's totally bullshit, since they make up everything they say. But you should sell his sponsors your Gold jewelry, and get a gun out of the safe right now, because the, Democrats are coming for them.

Shut the fuck up! You right wingers are out of your minds. This guy is trying to excite you to rebellion, because there is a, Black man in the, White House.

And we, Democrats are using the same tactic to pass health care reform, that YOU used to pass tax cuts for the rich under, Bush, is a BAD thing? Fuck you. Live with it.

I have all my guns loaded to shoot Republicans when they come to try to stop me from being, RIGHT! We NEED a public health care system. Like every OTHER first world country in the world. Like, Canada, France, Germany, Mexico (Yeah, I'm not kidding, Mexico has a BETTER health care system then WE do!) and Canada.

It's for our best interest. Not the best law, but better than nothing. Pass it!

Are you so dumb you watch, "Faux News"? Really?

I have some friends who don't understand that when I talk about, Deb, I'm talking about my wife. We have been together for 26 years, 25 of them married. She's the mother of my children. We are a couple, and always will be.

They think that when I talk about, "The Blind Lady" that I'm some how, "dissing" my wife who is losing her sight. Not so.

Deb, sometimes get told, "No" to something she wants. She is the person I live with. And we don't always agree on shit. When I bought a big, powerful, expensive, muscle car last week, she told me that she wanted to go see, Jimmy Buffett in Paris next fall, since I did it. I know she was half kidding since we go to see, Jimmy Buffett EVERY YEAR in Las Vegas. But the tickets to, Buffett in Paris were sold out (which is good for ME, it's college football season). Deb got told, "no". Notice that I TRIED to buy some? OK?

"The Blind Lady" told me a few days ago, that she wanted to see, Boston. OK. I bought tickets to see the, Red Sox at, Fenway Park on the 14th for us and the kids. I ALSO bought tickets to see, Jimmy Buffett on the 17th about 50 miles south of, Boston on the 17th, and my kids will get to see their first, Buffett Concert.

For this, I'm evil? I suck? Because I refer to my wife as, "The Blind Lady"?

Oh, go to hell! You guys have NO idea what it's like to live with this woman, and try to get her all around the planet! Easy for you to say I'm an asshole for COMPLAINING about having to live with this! You try ACTUALLY living with this!

I hope all your relatives can always walk, and see. If not? Welcome to MY world! How you going to handle it?

I DO it! Because it's the RIGHT thing to do! And I took the oath, "Better or worse", you remember? I believe in that. I made a promise. And I honor my promise.

So lighten up, "perfect people".

And yeah, we're going to see, Jimmy Buffett in, Massachusetts. And the, Red Soxs. Live with it. Stop kicking my ass for doing the best I can for the wife I have. Any one out there not taken THAT vow, and then violated it? I rest my case.

"Yah can't get theeer, from, heere!" Going to Boston.

God! I've been misspelling, "Camaro" for the whole week! I'm a dope.

Tonight, "The Blind Lady" decided that the next city she wants to see, is, Boston. Ok, I was trying to talk her into, Tampa. As my son and I like the beach, but if this is what she wants? Ok, we'll do it.

I've spent $600 to buy four tickets to see, Jimmy Buffett on June 17th about 50 miles from Boston. And tried to buy tickets to see the, Red Sox play the, Dodgers the day after (Dodgers were, Deb's favorite team growing up) but they were sold out, and only available on Stub Hub starting at $200 a seat and going to well over $1000. Fuck that.

We will be seeing Fenway Park and sitting in the bleachers to watch the Diamondbacks on the 15th for $31.00 a ticket. Not good seats, but still? My kids get to see a baseball game in FENWAY FREAKING PARK! How cool is that? They have been to the Metro dome in Minneapolis (no longer the baseball park), RFK Stadium in Washington DC, for OPENING DAY in April of 2007. "The Last Opening Day In RFK" as they opened the new stadium the next year. Shea Stadium to see the, Met's the next year they moved. The last year THAT stadium was open. And last year, the Cub's vs. the White Sox at Wrigley Field! Not, to, bad.

I've got the tickets to the concert, the baseball game and now all I need is a place to stay, and plane tickets. I'll get the place on, vacationrentals.com. And, I hope my credit card points get us the airfare. I put EVERYTHING on the Visa to earn those points.

We shall see.

Car Culture. STILL? Yeah, still.

I had no idea I was buying the most interesting car in the world. Yet today, I'm driving around, and people are going nuts over this car. I went back to my old office to show it to my friend, Carter, who's young partner took pictures of it with his cell phone. My last partner, Dorian, accused me of having a, "Mid Life Crisis"!

No, to the contrary, I told her, "My MID LIFE is pretty damn good! I have the same wife, the same house, money in the bank, and the only, "hot, young, chick" I hang out with is YOU, and it's mostly on the golf course. And my wife likes you. So it's not a MLC car, it's JUST a new car!"

You would think I bought a Maserati, or a, Bentley. It's just a, Camero!

Deb's back is still messed up, so we went to DMV today to get a temporary handicapped placard her doctor told her she needs since she's using a cane. And coming out, some guy yelled, "NICE RIDE!" at us. I was flattered, but still amazed.

I took my, "sons" (Danny and his buddy, Jaden) to a Futsol game tonight, and one of the other, "Soccer Dad's" came over and said, "You suck! I've had 13 Camero's and I really want one of these!" He was kidding, but still? He noticed?

We used, Deb's new parking privilege to park by the door since she can barely walk, and a bunch of young, kids came out of the Futsol place and said to me, "Hey, Esay! That your ride? Start it up, man!" So I did with the remote control. And they liked the, "RUMBLE".

One kid said, goofing on me, "If it's not here when you come out. It wasn't me, OK?"

I told him, not goofing on him, "I have On Star and a bunch of guns. I can find the car." He looked at me like he KNEW I wasn't kidding.

I am totally amazed by the reaction to this car. It's an American Muscle Car. It's not exotic, it's not rare. It's not even that expensive compared to other cars that sport 400 bhp. But I guess the orange and black, and ground effects and performance exhaust make it stand out.

Standing out, was not my goal. I wanted a car that was fun to drive.

But I do have to admit. I like the fact that everyone likes my car. It feels pretty good.

Car Culture

Today was an experience. I picked up the, Camero, in all it's, "rumbly", orange and black, glory about noon. Deb and I drove over to the, La Frontera in West Valley City for lunch. And as I'm leaving the restaurant, a group of about 10 or 15, "twenty somethings" who were walking in, all stopped, and watched us drive out of the parking lot.

I took my son to get a new soccer ball, and driving through a neighborhood, a couple of kids, maybe 10 years old, came running out to the street and although I couldn't hear them, I could read their lips, and they were yelling, "NICE CAR!"

Later this afternoon, I drive over to my friend's house, and again, young kids, around, I'd say, 10 to 12, actually dropped the basketball's and stuff they were playing with, and ran to the street, holding their thumbs in the air, and again, yelling, "NICE CAR!" at me.

I watched every pedestrian I passed today in the rear view mirror. They all stopped and watched this car go buy until we were out of sight.

You would think I was driving a, Bentley, or a, Rolls Royce, or something that came out of, "Star Wars"! It's JUST a Camero, for crying out loud! It's not even a FOREIGN CAR! It came out of, Detroit!

I'm just glad it fits in my garage. If not, I'd have had to sell a pick up truck that I've loved for 12 years, to make room for it.

I'll drive it tomorrow, but Wednesday, it's supposed to rain. This 406 bhp, rear wheel drive, monster is staying in the garage when the weather isn't good. But man, it's fun to drive.

Christmas Eve

I'm getting my car tomorrow. It's like, Christmas Eve when you are a kid. I can't wait. I'll pick it up in the early afternoon, since I am retired, and don't get up early. Can't wait.

But this is the ONLY toy I get this year. Deb wants me to take her to see, "Jimmy Buffett", which we do every year in, Las Vegas.

No. She wants to see him in, Paris on September 26. The heart of college football season. Shit.

Well, I guess I can't complain. I'll just email, Kathy, buy the tickets for the concert on line, and have, Kathy book our flight, hotel, and taxi's, and live with it. It's why I've been married to the same woman for 25 years next month.

Next winter? Back to, Jerry Jeff Walker's, Camp Belize. We loved it too much.

Camero's and teenagers.

Found out last night, that my friend, Alphonso, bought an orange and black Camero like the one I bought on Wednesday, last Monday. How deep does, "Being a, Murray Guy" go?

He got the six cylinder engine (the muscle car without the muscle, I was kidding him) but it's going to be his, "Daily Driver" so he was worried about the gas mileage. I'm worried about not being able to drive this rear wheel drive, rocket when it snows, but I guess with him? Not so much.

He brought it over today, with an old friend I haven't seen in 20+ years, John Vogan. John's been a helicopter pilot since we graduated from high school. He's flown everything, for everybody all over the world. He's leaving in a few days to fly for the company that used to be, Blackwater, in Afghanistan. I hope I see him again. We sat in the back yard, and talked, enjoyed some whiskey and a cigar. It was good to see him.

My son and his buddy, Jaden came home, and from the look on his face as he walked through the back yard, it told me he thought the Camero in the driveway was mine. I've been talking about muscle cars for a few weeks. When I said to him, "How'd you like, Al's Camero out there?" his face dropped. "You didn't buy one?"

"No."

"Dad! You HAVE to buy this car! It is SO cool!"

"Why? You can't drive it. And if I did, your mother won't let you drive it even when you have a driver's license?"

"Yeah, but you can drive ME around IN it!"

Touche'. He just wants one around the house. I'm ok with that. I pick mine up on Monday. Big assed V8, rumbely exhaust. I'm going to tell him on Monday morning that I'm picking him up from school to go get some new Under Armour since he's outgrown last fall's stuff, and soccer season starts next week. He's going to be surprised.

Cars, Part Deaux.

I have more money than sense. So, if I listen to, Robin William's, I should develop a Cocaine habit. He said that's how, God tells you, you have more money than sense.

Never tried, Cocaine. Just like my whiskey. And I don't believe in, God.

Tonight I bought a 2010, 2SS Camero. Leather seats with heaters that I don't need, because I'm never going to drive it when it's cold. A GPS system I don't need because I don't intend to drive it to any place I've never been. But it adds to the, "resale" value when I want to get rid of it. Big assed engine. Big as you can get.

On top of that, added the, "performance exhaust" which might not actually add to the performance, but makes it sound awesome. And the, Ground Effects package. Might hold it closer to the road, or not. But makes it look cooler than hell!

Orange. "METALLIC" orange. With, black, "rally stripes". How, MURRAY am I? Can't leave the orange and black behind.

Gus Paulos will make the changes, and give me my car on Friday, or Monday. I don't care. I don't NEED this car. I WANT this car.

When I test drove one, and I, "stepped on it", it was like I was back in 1977, and, "dragging State Street" with my buddy, Craig Lindsey in his 1969, Chevelle SS with the 396. It was awesome. Had to have one.

It's a different feeling stepping on an American V8, and stepping on the Audi. They both go fast. But they feel different. I stepped on the Camero, and I wanted to hear some, "Beach Boys" songs. I step on the, Audi, and I feel efficient, comfortable, and secure, and faster than anything else on the road. And I have AWD.

I step on the, Camero, and I feel like I'm dangerous to my self, and everyone around me! I still want to hear, "The Beach Boys", but I'm OK with the, "Stones". Or, "Foghat", or, "BTO" played, REAL loud.

It's just different. I can't explain it. Fast, powerful, and scary. Had to have it. So I bought it.

I'm SUCH a redneck from, West Virginia, aren't I? I'm buying a, CAMERO!

Cars

A few months ago, about a year too late, I started looking for a car. I don't have a lot of debt right now, the stock market is coming back, and I actually made money last year (thank you, Charles Schwab, and, President Obama). I have to finish paying off the garage I built, and there is the ever fluctuating amount of debt on the credit cart that accrues because of, "The Blind Lady's" travel requests. But I'm doing OK. And now, I want a, "toy" car.

Twice in the last year, my best friend has purchased his, "dream car", a Porsche Boxster. The first one was destroyed in a run in with a semi truck on I80, and he's lucky to be alive. He actually got more money than it was worth from the insurance company, and has replaced it with a newer one that's even prettier.

I've toyed with the idea of a sports car, an Audi TT. A Porsche. Or maybe an old American car, like a restored, Mustang. Since I drove one of those in high school. Something that would be driven only in good weather, and never in the winter.

I have all the other cars I ever wanted. I always wanted a 4X4 Ford pickup truck, and I bought that in 1998. It's a 1995 that still looks like new, and is just perfect for the home owner who needs to haul camping stuff a few times a year, bicycles, firewood, and make the occasional, "dump run" to the, Trans Jordan Landfill. If you own a house and a yard, you need a truck. And my darling wife gave me a new stereo and satellite radio for it, so it's great for tailgating, too.

I always wanted a big, powerful, touring car. And when I retired a few years ago, I bought the Audi A6 Quattro. GPS, 245 horses, and faster than a Republican lie about health care reform. And since April of 2006 I've put 55K miles on it and gone through three sets of, really, expensive, performance tires.

My daughter has my Pontiac Bonneville (the second one of these cars I had bought. Love the Pontiac's) that I bought after I paid off my truck with all the overtime money the FBI paid me during the Winter Olympics in 2002, and it's just perfect for her to drive her mother around in comfort. Now, I want a car to goof off in.

I'm just not a sports car guy. I'm too big. And I don't want to take corners at 100 miles an hour. I learned to do that in a Ford Taurus at the driving schools you have to take every year as a Cop. And I can do that in the Audi (and it's MUCH more comfortable in the Audi than in a Taurus. Trust me). Convertible would be fun, but also kind of an, expensive pain in the ass. I don't need it.

I heard about the perfect car a year or two ago. The Pontiac G8 GXP. It's like the GTO of the 60's. Big, four door, and armed with 500 horse power, and rear wheel drive. I wanted an American Muscle Car! And this sounded like the one.

So when they decided to discontinue the Pontiac nameplate a few months ago, I started to look for one. Figuring they would be valuable at some point. Oh, and I'd paid off the Audi.

Pontiac made these cars for the US market in 2008-09 only. And they made them in Australia, not in America. But they are, "American Cars". And they made a, "shit load" of them in a 6 cyl. model. These are a dime a dozen. And quite a few with a V8, but they are more hard to find. It's the GT model. They are mostly sold in the south, as they are high horse power, and rear wheel drive.

The GXP? Not so much. This sucker had a Corvette engine. 500 bhp, and rear wheel drive. This was a rocket. Australian or not, this is an American muscle car. And, it can seat the family, comfortably.

When I told, Deb what I was looking for she just said, "Promise you won't let the kids drive it, OK?" No problem.

I've searched the Internet, and found one in North Carolina that I could have had shipped here for $1000, but it was on eBay and sold too quick. Found them in Colorado and Arizona, but they sold before I could even send an email. Found one in, Deb's hometown, Sunnyvale, California. But when I called them, the dealership owner had been driving it and it had 10K miles on it, and even at that, with the MSRP being $40K, he wouldn't take less than $46K! WTF? You want more than the NEW price for what is, essentially, a USED car? I don't think so.

I pre-approved for a car loan with my Credit Union, and they told me a about a car broker here in Murray that will find you any car you want, and get it here, for a fee of $500. They only deal in high end cars. So I went to them, asked them about this car, and gave them a check. They haven't cashed the check, but they are getting really discouraged about finding this thing. These cars are rarer than hens teeth.

So now, I'm thinking, Camero. In Murray High orange and black, with a big V8. And it's a bargain at less than $40K. I can order everything I want, help the American car industry, and still have my muscle car. The story will continue. I'm going to drive one on Friday.

I really screwed with my son the other night at dinner. I told him about the car, and laid it on thicker, and heavier as I went along: "Yeah, I'll get it in MHS orange and black, with the custom exhaust so it sounds great, and then, you can drive it to school every day in a couple of years. What do you think? I'll get a personalized plate, "MHS" to go on it." He bought it, he was looking at me like I'd just told him I'd hired, Beyonce to be his math tutor. Deb was about to die from trying not to laugh.

"OK!" he says.

"When donkey's fly." I said. He finally realized he was being had. But it was priceless.

Sunday morning, sand and hung over, Brits.

Beautiful day. Grabbed some breakfast and head to the beach. I've got my rum, my book (buy the way, Chelsea Handler is a very, funny, writer), my Tilly hat, and I'm heading for some sand!

I've got my chair pulled into the shade, Deb's already in the water, and I decide to walk over to the dive shop to see what trips they have planned for the day. I wouldn't have even noticed the old, British guy from the run in at the computer last night, if he hadn't said something first. Sounded like, "Ee! mumble, mumble, computer, mumble!" At first I just let it go, after all, I don't want to give him a REAL reason to think I'm, "An Ugly American". But after a few seconds, it starts to get to me, and I'm getting pissed. I asked nicely, to get off the computer so he and his friends could have it, I didn't do anything to this guy, and he's making me out to be the bad guy? I decide I'm going to talk to him. Or AT him, any way.

Deb thinks I should wear a t-shirt at all times that says, "Don't get me started. You know how I get!" She might be right.

I walk over to this guy, and he's sitting next to one of the women he was with last night, maybe, "The Mrs." I don't know, but she see's me coming, and it appears, is trying to get UNDER her lounge chair. A nearly 300 pound, almost six foot tall, American in a Tilley hat, holding a glass of rum at eleven o'clock on a Sunday morning, can be nothing but trouble.

"Excuse me, may I ask you a question? What part of, "Excuse me, may I close my Face Book page on that computer I was using and then you can have it back." was the RUDE part that caused you to go nuts on me?"

"Bloody, Yanks, mumble, mumble, get some manners!"

"Well, I asked you as nicely as I could to let me back on for a minute, and you went nuts. Now I don't know how much you had to drink last night (I've hit a nerve here, judging by the expression on his face. He looks like the thousands of guys I've arrested over the years who are sloppy drunk, but act really surprised when you mention it to them just before you place them in handcuffs) but you made a complete ass of yourself last night."

The, "wife" or what ever is unusually interested in her book right now, and she wouldn't dare look up at me if my head was on fire.

"Mumble, you're an ass, mumble, mumble..."

"And as for, "We know what country YOUR from!"remark? I'm from the country that's the reason YOUR country isn't speaking, German. So, Fuck You." And I walked off. I have to say, it felt pretty good.

That night, we had dinner at a restauraunt that, Frommer's said was one of the best, and it's close to, Coyaba, but they said to take a cab. That streetch of beach can be home to machete wielding bandits at night, and having left my guns at home, I didn't want to take on a machete with my pocket knife.

Coconut Beach is a VERY popular restauraunt, so we had made a reservation. We were seated immediatly, and ignored for quite some time after that. I'm ok with the concept of, "Island Time" and while on vacation, I'm not in a hurray. But 20 minutes before they took our drink order? That's a bit much.

The food was awesome. Pumpkin soup for starters, "Spice Bay" lobster is sauted in butter and spices, and then put back into the shell, so you don't even have to struggle to get it out. Baked sweet potato's. Really a great meal. Really slow service. If this place is so popular, why not hire some more help? Every table was full, and there was a line outside, they can afford it.

At the end of the meal, I did something I haven't done since I was a kid, and, Fernwood's was still open in, The Cottonwood Mall. I ordered a, Bannan Split for desert! It wasn't as big as THOSE, Bannan Split's were. One bannan and a scoop of, nutmeg ice cream, but it was awesome.

On my list of stuff you should take my word for because I get around, is try nutmeg, and fresh, coconut ice cream in, The Caribbean. If you can't do that, try the coconut from, Spotted Dog Creamery here in, Salt Lake. Only the sea air and sand in your shoes away from being as good as it is down there.

Monday sucked, and then we came home. Deb's back problem was back, spent the day in the room. Are room service for dinner, but it was great. Tuesday was a nightmare. Four airports, three airplanes, and a blind woman in a wheel chair because she can't walk.

At the Grenada airport, I get paged to come to the security screening area. This can't be good. I had bought a plastic, 1.75 lietr bottle of good rum a few days before, still had half of it, and tossed it into my checked luggage to bring home. Can't do that, they tell me. So I tell the kid to take it out, and enjoy it. I'm not staying an extra day to drink it. If I'd known this, I'd have left it for the nice lady that cleaned my room everyday.

Got up at 01:30 MST in Grenada, flew to Puerto Rico, then to, Atlanta, then to, SLC and arrived here at 20:30 hours MST that night. You do the math. It's a LONG trip!

I have to say, if you can go to, Grenada, do. Grand Anse Beach might be the best beach we've ever been on. The island is beautiul, the people are wonderful (the exception? One, old, drunk, Brit) and, Coyaba is an awesome resort. But be prepared for the trip. It takes longer to get there than to, Paris. Almost as long as it does to fly to Asia.

Delta is supposed to be doing a New York to Grenada non-stop shortly. If they do, I'd go to New York for a couple of day, and then fly to Grenada. I heart NY!

Saturday, 2-20, "I'm an ugly American?" Really?

Again, slept until noon. No children, and the quiet will do that to you.

Did some shopping across the street at the, "Spiceland Mall" How can they charge, $28US for a Cuban cigar, when Cuba is just, "Over there" from, "Right Here"? I don't know, but later in the week, I would pay, $112.50 ECD (about $35 USD)for a really, long, thick, Coheba cigar on the last day we were there.

Too lazy to travel today. Spent the day on the beach (the whole reason for the trip) and ate at the restauraunt in the resort. Deb had ribs, I had swordfish in hollindaise sauce. And a, Steel Drum Band was performing at dinner time. All young kids, like high school age. They were awesome. I'd include pictures if MY computer wasn't getting fixed from the, "facebook virus". I'll post them later.

Tried to buy my son, the, "Footballer" a Grenadian Soccer Jersey all week. We have bought him a national jersey from every country we have been in, but not this one. We went to the sport shop owned by the President of the Grenadian Soccer Program. And they told us,that here was a contract agreement problem, and NO ONE could sell us one. True story, we have tried, every where.

Late that night, around midnight, no one in the lobby on the computers. Just me and the night clerk. So I'm in on FB, and tell the clert, "I'm going back to my room to get some more rum. Should I log out?" And he says, "No problem, Mon! You can come back." So I go back to the room, and get some more rum.

When I come back, there is a guy, and two women on the computer I was using. No problem, I don't need it that much, so I say, "Excuse me? Can I log out of my FB page since I was on that computer, and don't want it open. Then you can have it."

The old guy, went nuts. "Yeah? I can't believe you'd talk that way to a woman, you asshole! We know what country YOU'RE from!"

WTF? I Said, "Please", didn't I?

The next morning, I saw this asshole on the beach. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

The next day

We slept until noon. Literally. We were worn out. Spent the afternoon reading, Chelsea Handler on the patio.

Dinner was awesome. We went to the primier resauraunt on the island, according to the, Frommer's guide. "Aquariam" and it was, awesome.

Appatizers were pumpkin/ginger soup, and kalaloo spinikopita. Unbelievable. And I would love to find out if kalaloo can be bought in Utah.

The seafood plate was lobster,swordfish in hollindaise sauce, shrimp, scallops, and scalloped potatos.

Cremedu Carmel, is just like, flan. But nutmeg ice cream is really good!

"I won't do THAT again!" part two.

Wednesday morning, Ashley picks us up to go meet the, Markham's in St. Georges at the cruise port. This is their only day on this island, and I have been charged with arrainging a tour for them, and us of the WHOLE island. Not a problem. It's a small island.

We head up to the 1900 feet above sea level point on the island to take pictures of their ship in the port. Pretty picture. Ashley tells us he's going to take us to see where they make, "Bush rum". WTF? He says, "I think you call it, in YOUR country, "moonshine?" maybe, Mon?" Ok. Being from, West Virginia, I understand THAT reference.

We drive to the east side of the island, and into a town who's name I can't remember, but it's the home of the, Grenadian Nutmeg Growers Cooperative. And he pulls into the plant, and we get a tour. Before hurricane, Ivan a few years ago, Grenada produced 40% of the worlds nutmeg. 6M pounds a YEAR! Now? Not so much. Although they have recovered some, it's still only about 600K pounds a year. The man leading the tour gives, Jami and, Deb a BIG handfull of nutmeg nuts to take home, and something called, "mace". A spice derived from the dried shell of the nutmeg. And we should all taste it.

Now, I don't know about a SPICE called, mace, but I've been HIT by, "Mace" in my 20 year, law enforcement career, and the man leading the tour couldn't tell me if it was the same mace.

Yet, I do know, that my favorite partner in the field as a former, Cop was, "Pepper Spray" which is, chemically, Olio Resin Capsicum. Capistan. The juice from peppers like, Habanjero, and, Scotch Bonnet. Good on a taco, bad in your eyes! Trust me.

But hey, what the hell, I'm good to try anything once. The tour guide gives the women some of the mace, which is basically the dried shell of the nutmeg. And, Jami gives me a piece, which is about the size of the top of a roofing nail. Not TOO big.

HOLLY SHIT, THIS SUCKS! My mouth is on fire, my nose is running, my eyes are watering! This is the most, worst, experience, I have ever had! WTF would you use this to SPICE up! Birthday Cakes in HELL! I need water, and I need it NOW!

I make, Ashley stop at the next store we see, run in and buy as much water as I can carry, and throw the young lady at the counter a $20us and say, "Just don't hurt me, OK?"

To her credit, she carefully calculates the conversion rate between ECD, and US and gives me the right change. While I run out to the van. Good thing they drive on the left, or I might have run out into the street!

Next, Ashley is taking us to the, "Bush Rum" factory. I say, "factory", because it's not really a, "Distillary" This is the difference between, "Bush Rum/Moonshine" and, rum/bourbon. Trust me.

When, Moonshiner's in, West Virginia, or anywhere else make a product, they delute it it with water so it doesn't make you go blind when you drink it. When, Maker's Mark does it in, Kentucky, they call it, "A bourbon eligible spirit", meaning in four years in a barrell, it COULD become bourbon. When they make rum in the rest of the Caribbean, they, "age" it in old barrels before it turns brown, and it takes about six years.

Hear at the, Rivers Rum Company? Not so much. The tour lasted almost longer than it takes them to make rum!

They take the sugar cane, strip it with a water wheel, burn it, boil it, put the distillate it in an underground, concrete vat, use a primitive, "weight" measure, to measure the alcohol content when it forments, and 8 days later? You have, and I use the term losely, RUM!

They, "dreadge" it up, pour it through cheese cloth, into the yellow, Eglloo Coolers you have drinken out of if you ever work on a road crew (I shit you, not!) and fill their bottles from the coolers.

151 (they guess), 80 proof (they guess, and cut with water) and a, "lovely" rum punch. With some kind of fruit, and it still tastes like ass. This place sucked SO much! And they served their samples in, "Sacrement Cups". Better drink quick. This shit will melt through.

I, of course, sampled all of them. And I would guess I could get a Zippo lighter to work on ANY of their products. And the wood floors could be stripped on ANY of them. Even with the fruit. And if you spent all day drinking them? You would be as blind as my, WIFE! If you were lucky.

Chocolate factory stinks, as it forments. But it was interesting. And the end product was, AWESOME! Then had to get, Phil and Jami back to the boat. Saw the airport we, "invaded" in 1983. I'll attach pictures, I hope.

We went to the grocery store across the stree from our resort that afternoon, since we dropped, Phil and Jami off at the cruise port that day.

Deb noticed limes. BIG ASSED, limes. They were YELLOW! She said they were just like at home when she was a kid. they had a lime tree in her front yard. Yes, I SAW it after we were married.

So I bought one (Yes, I brought the big assed pocket knife in my check in luggage. I always do) and I brought it back to the room at, Coyaba and cut it up. We drank rum, and loved the rum with it. We were just some, "Buggary" short of being the, British Navy"! After all, they, "run" on, "limes, rum, and buggaery".

It's liturature. Live with it.