Monday, January 30, 2012

Florida. Mitt, Newt, And Reality

This is a populated state.  We learned a nasty lesson in 2000, that it CAN throw an election.  The WRONG way.  So we can't ignore, Florida.  After all, all those, Jewish retirees who voted for, Pat Buchanan, could rise up again...  Oh, wait.  They're dead and the smarter Bush brother isn't the Governor there, so never mind.

You know, it's good we go through this every four years.  It's why we don't have a shooting war to choose our leaders in this country.  But you have to admit that at this point?  It's all for show.  The decision has been made, and Mitt is going to be the guy the Republicans throw out there to spend millions and millions of dollars to lose to Obama in November.

Gingrich is an amoral, self centered, cheating prick who was run out of the Congress for ethics violations, and bailed out of two marriages when his wives got sick and wouldn't let him screw other women.  But he's the right wing, family values candidate?

Romney is a Mormon.  He's been married to the same woman for 42 years.  Raised a great family of five boys.  None of who joined the Military in the last ten years, by the way.  Who seems to have no skeletons in his closet.  A good business man.  Self made Billionaire.

Except he's not.  He was born into wealth.  Which makes it a lot easier to end up wealthy!  And he keeps bank accounts in Switzerland and the, Cayman Islands.  Which makes him shady to say the least.  Criminal, probably.

And if you work for a living, like, say at, The Utah Department Of Corrections, and you think anyone who runs with an, "R" after their name has YOUR best interests at heart?  You're dumber than the box of bullets you have in your closet.

Oh, and the, "Mormon" thing?  It's going to hurt him.  Southern Conservatives won't vote for him.  Neither will anyone in the Northeast.  Or California, or Texas.  He can't win the national election.  He might win the Mountain Time Zone.

But I digress.  I'm talking Florida.  With retirees, Jews, Cubans, Puerto Rican's I'm really surprised that ANYONE in Florida would show up to vote for a Republican, for ANY reason!

Republicans hate old people and want to take medicare and Social Security away from them!  They hate immigrants!  They would have Israel turned over to the Christians, Puerto Rico will never get statehood, because Latinos tend to vote for Democrats,

And Cubans?  Yeah, I get it.  You're still pissed that Castro took your family's property and business.  As you should be.  But, it was FIFTY THREE YEARS AGO!  You HAVE to get over it.  It's not going to change.  No matter how this shakes out.

You will NOT get it back, even when Castro dies, and we normalize relations with Cuba.  Wouldn't you like to at least be able to VISIT your homeland?

The one thing I took away from my trip there in 2003, was that the Cubans would love to normalize relations with the USA.  They want to visit THEIR relatives here.  They want our whiskey.

The first night we were there, we were walking around in, Havana Veijo, and some kid came running down the street, could tell we were Americans and yelled as he ran past, "America number one!  My dad lives in, Tampa!"  I could NOT make that up.

So if you want to see the Communists go away?  Crush them with McDonald's, and Levi's like we did in East Germany.  Normalize relations, and I think Obama will, and Cuba will be as close to Florida South as you can get in six months.

So there is no reason for ANYONE in Florida to vote for a Republican.  It's voting AGAINST their own self interest, because it would be in their economic self interest to NORMALIZE relations with Cuba!

And I need some cigars.

Just sayin...

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Las Vegas. Love It. And I Don't Even Gamble.

I was watching, "Vegas Strip" on, TRU tv tonight and laughing my ass off.  This show IS Vegas for most folks.  Drunk tourists, criminals, idiots and bright lights.  Girls in short skirts.  Yeah, baby!  VEGAS, BABY!  WHOO HOO!

And that, Vegas DOES exist.  You won't be disappointed if that's what you want.  It's there for you.  On ONE STREET, for a couple of miles.  Volcano's, the Billaggio fountains, the lights, the nut balls on the sidewalks?  It's all there.  And it's GREAT!  Everyone should see it one time.

But that isn't ALL that's Las Vegas.

Deb and I find ourselves there at LEAST once a year.  And we don't gamble.  Much.  We go there for some OTHER reason.  This year, it's been a family wedding, a soccer tournament, and my friend, Lisa Landry, the comedian, did a show down there and Deb didn't want to go, so my friend, Phil and I did, and had a, "Boys Night Out" in Las Vegas.  We didn't gamble, either.  But we did use Deb and my condo time share.

It's a sight to see.  I love to see my old friend, Melissa and her husband Mike when we go down there.

It's a great place to see.  To hang out.

Last month, when my friend, Lisa, the comedian was there, she was in a club, on top of, Cabo Wabo at Planet Hollywood and performing on a stage that was in front of a HUGE glass window.  Her background?  The AWESOME fountains at the Billaggio!

How cool was that.  I got to see my friend tell jokes, in front of Las Vegas' coolest attraction!  Muffin top, doing comedy in front of, "BLASTOFF". 

Way cool.

I LOVE, Las Vegas.  Costco sells booze!  In N' Out Burger.  Trader Joes.  Henderson is to LV, as Murray is to SLC.

Penn & Teller.  Seen them TWICE in the last year, because they are so awesome!  If you haven't?  You should.  And YES, spend the $100 a ticket for the front row.  You won't regret it.  Did it for Deb and I last spring.  Did it in November for us AND Danny and his soccer Buddy, Trenton.  And worth every penny.

This town is awesome.  Full fun all the time.  But best done a week at a time.

I'm just sayin...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

State Of The State? Deranged.

I didn't watch the Gov's state of the state speech last night.  The Redwings were on.  But I read about it in the paper this morning.  It was about what I expected.

The Gov was ranting and raving about state sovereignty, and how oppressive the Federal Government is.  While touting his ability to get millions of dollars in Federal aid because of flooding last spring.

Damn those oppressive Feds!  Where's my check?

Hey, Gary Herbert!  You can't have it both ways.  Either you hate the Federal Government, and all that it stands for, so you can appeal to the nut balls, and teabaggers from Utah County that dominate your party, or want the Feds to give you money to fix stuff you can't afford to fix.  And that would make you, what?  A Democrat, maybe?  God forbid.

All you, Sportsmen out there (yes, I'm talking to YOU, Carter!)?  You are SO lucky that 70% of the land in this state belongs to the Federal Government, you have no idea.  You can hunt and fish it all you like (with the exceptions of the National Parks, and I will assume that no matter WHAT your political persuasion, you are glad we have a National Park System) and you don't need to get someones permission, or buy a huge hunk of land as a club, and pay dues to use it.

I'm from West Virginia.  Very little of that state is owned by the Fed's.  So most of it has been sold to private land owners.  My family's land there was given to us by George Washington, for helping him survey, Patterson's Creek in what was then, Hamilton County, Virginia.  It's now, Mineral County, West Virginia.

But that was about enough land for a homestead.  If we ever owned a whole lot of land there, we don't now.

So what this has done is make it so that you have to belong to a club to hunt or fish.  My dad, when we lived there, belonged to, "The Keyser Rod And Gun Club".  He had to pay dues, and carry a card showing he was up to date on his dues when he wanted to hunt or fish on that land.

The only other alternative, is to go find the guy who owns the land you would like to hunt or fish, and get written permission to do so from them.  And you must keep that paper on you while you're hunting.  Because if you run into a game warden, while hunting private land, and do not have that?  You're going to jail.  The game wardens are there to protect the game, but also to look out for the land owners.

The last time I went hunting with him back there, he still knew some folks in the Burlington area, who let him have permission to hunt their mountain, or we would have been shit out of luck.

Keep in mind, the land owner can say, "no".

So, out here in tyrannically, Federally owned, Utah, you can pretty much hunt and fish where the hell ever you want, with no added fees but your Utah STATE hunting or fishing license, and it's OK.  You don't need to go find out who owns that mountain, and get him to give you permission to hunt on it.

If guys like Gary Herbert get their way?  Good luck getting, Exxon-Mobile to let you hunt on their oil claim.  They paid for it, and they don't have to let you on it, and they don't want the liability or the hassle, so the answer is always, and for ever, "NO!"

You think it hasn't happened in this state?  Try to go to the ghost town of, Mercur, in Tooele County.  For guys my age, that was a great place to go when we were in high school and college to see the old building, shoot, Jack Rabbits, and a lot of other stuff, moving or not.  The old cemetery was real interesting.  It was a great place to see some of Utah's mining history.

Now? Not so much.

Years ago, when the kids were much younger, I took them out to the old Pony Express Trail to give them a little history lesson.  And since Mercur is just a little north of there, I thought I'd go show them a ghost town.  As we're going up the old dirt road, I see a guard shack and a fence!  WTF?  I pull up and a nice man wearing a revolver, and a Security Guard badge, politely informs me that a mining company has, "bought", Mercur.  And no, we can't go in, and even though the old cemetery up the hill is outside the fence, they own that too, and we can't go up there.

Welcome to unrestrained, unchecked, Utah STATE controlled ownership of the land.  And this is what you will get if the Fed's are pushed out, and the Utah Republicans get control.  Try to hunt Elk on THIS side of the mountains, who's name I can never remember how to spell, that Kennecott Copper owns.  Ain't going to happen.

So Utahn's, I'm goning to get all, "Bill Maher" on your ass:  NEW RULE:  You can't have it both ways!  You can't complain about the oppressive Federal Government who won't let you do what you want to do, even if it's unconstitutional and crazy, while still asking for Federal hand outs when you get into trouble!

You have to make a choice.  Succeed from the Union if you think you have enough guns to take on the military, and do what ever you want.  Or give back the check.  Because if you keep the check?  You have to play by the rules.  Even if you don't like them.  They are called, "The Constitution".

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I'm A High Tech, Redneck, Jeff Foxworthy Joke

"If you're WORKING TV, is on top of your NON-WORKING TV?  You might be a Redneck!"  Jeff Foxworthy.

Last night, I couldn't keep a wi-fi connection in the house.  Kept going out, couldn't stream music.  Couldn't do Facebook.  So I finally got fed up and brought the new laptop downstairs, and plugged it into the hard wired, fiber optic connection that was in the other computer.  It works great.  And it's sitting right in front of the monitor and speakers for the desk top.

So I have the new high speed, laptop, sitting on the table in front of the old, low speed, desktop.

Is this not EXACTLY the kind of situation he was describing?

I mean, I'm already a Redneck.  I have a gun safe.  A Camaro.  But this was just so perfect.

Mitt Romney Is A Stand Up Guy. Not.

For what it's worth.  He made $42M a year the last few years.  He gave his 10% to the Mormons, according to the tax returns he released today.  And more to other Charity's.  He's a stand up guy.  Paid his taxes, nothing to hide.

Well, except the Swiss Bank Account, and the money he hid in the, Cayman Islands.

Who in America, has a, "Swiss Bank Account"?  Or hides money in, "The Cayman's"?

CRIMINALS!  That's who!

Why does this guy have a Swiss account and some money in the Caymans?  Because he can keep YOU, the American voter, from seeing just how much money he has!

If this guy wants to be America's President?  Why does he keep his money overseas?  Just sayin...

He let his tax returns out today, and it appears he's done everything totally above board, and legal.

Good for him.  Why does he, who made $42M last year, pay 15%, and I paid 35%? 
And I made, with my wife's SS disability, less than $70K?  That is NOT right.

This guy has NO idea what it's like to live in this country.  And it seems that there are way too many people out there that think he represents THEM!  No!  He does NOT!  If you work for a paycheck.  If you work at ALL, you will never be part of the 1%!

Quit voting for Republicans.  They hate you!  They WANT you to stay the uneducated, underclass, who will never, ever go to college, and can't possibly be what THEY are.

And if you don't?  You're stupid.

If you WORKED for a, HUNTSMAN, and were not BORN a HUNTSMAN?  You got NO chance of being in the, 1%.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Stop Blaming The Smart People For You're Problems, Republicans!

I was just reading a post on Facebook from a friend, who was complaining that the gas prices had just shot up this week.  Well, I haven't noticed because I have three cars that all need premium gas, so I just go to Costco and buy it.  I don't have a choice, so the price doesn't matter.

One guy, a guy named, Cole posted a comment that it was the Liberals fault?  WTF?  Really?

He's got this all wrong.  The LIBERALS don't own oil companies.  We want you to drive a solar powered car.

This is the point where my friends who know about, "The Bitchin' Camaro", the Audi and, "The Big Assed" Ford 4X4 should be laughing their ass off.

Living here in Utah, I'm going to assume this guy does too, does he NOT know that we get NO foreign oil in Utah?  Not a drop.  All our oil comes from wells in Eastern Utah and South Western Wyoming.  Does he not know that a 12 inch pipeline was just completed from Woods Cross, Utah to Las Vegas, Nevada so they don't have to truck in all their gas from the West Coast?    Is this guy so ignorant that he doesn't know the refinery's in Woods Cross send our, All American oil as far away as Boise, Idaho and Las Vegas?  That all the gas we burn here, in the, "redist" state in the Union, is from right here in the Mountain West?

Shit, you would think that since twice in the last few years, a bunch of this oil has ended up in the pond at Liberty Park, because of a pipe line break, he would have read a newspaper article on this.

But, Conservatives don't read newspapers.  They watch, "Faux News" and believe all the bullshit they are told.

Liberals raised my gas prices!  NO we did not!  Conservative, Christian, Republican, White guys, who it appears, don't read newspapers, raised your gas prices!

But I refused to continue that argument on my friends FB page.  It doesn't change the opinion of the dumb and adelpated, like, Cole.  And it just pisses everyone off.  So I decided to make him look stupid here.  He might never see it.  But that's OK.  Someone will.  Maybe I'll change an opinion of someone who just didn't know.  And maybe donkeys will fly out my ass.  But you do what you have to do when you're one of the smart people who's in the minority these days.

I mean, if you still think man made global warming is a hoax, even when every climate scientist in the world says it's for real?  You are WILLFULLY stupid!  If you think it's OK that the three largest employers in the WORLD are, The Chinese Army, The US Military, and Wal-Mart?  You HAVE to be part of the 1%.  This is NOT the America you keep claiming you want, "back".

Because you got the America you wanted!  No regulation of Wall Street.  No EPA.  Endless expansion of the Military Industrial Complex.  War profiteering.  It was called, "The Bush Administration".  And it worked for YOU.

For the working people of America?  Not so much.  And now you want to blame all your failure on the Muslim, Kenyan, President who's Methodist Minister you hated during the campaign!  Really?  WTF?

While every idea this guy has had in the last three years, you're, "R" controlled Congress has blocked.  You're, "R" controlled Senate (via the filibuster) has rejected?  No, you don't get to blame, "President Black Guy".  Bush did it, and you're just trying to keep it going long enough to try and blame, Obama.

Look.  We know you hate, "smart".  It makes your brain hurt.  You only want to believe what your, "imaginary friend who lives in the sky" tells you to believe.  Well, him and the oil companies that give you millions and millions of dollars.

And if you believe, living in Utah, who gets no foreign oil, that the, Liberals are the reason your gas price went up?  You are dumber than a box of hammers, and you don't read newspapers.  REAL, newspapers.  You read, The Deseret News and, The Washington Times.  And you watch, "Faux News" and listen to, Rush, and, Hannity, and, O'Riley.  You don't listen to NPR.  And you buy all your books, if you read books, at Costco.  You are a complete and total moron.  And you're the reason this country is in the shape it's in.

Now, go shovel my driveway, since you don't have a job.  But you're blaming Liberals for it.  I'll pay you under the minimum wage, since you don't like THAT either.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Orrin Hatch Is NOT Right Wing Enough For You? Really?

Years ago, Orrin Hatch sponsored a bill to give children of the working poor, health care.  I know, shocked me too.  So the CHIP program was born.

This is a surprise, because Republicans usually only care about unborn children,  Once they're born?  Screw em!  No welfare, no Head Start, no WIC, no health care, no public schools.

Now he's going to have to get out of Convention against a guy who's more evil, er, I meant, "right wing" than he is!  Dan Liljenquist, former State Senator from Bountiful.  Liljenquist was on the news tonight, calling for the abolishing of, CHIP.  Because Government should not be in the insurance business.  This should be private industry insuring these kids.

Hope this asshole doesn't own property where it could flood.  Because the only insurance he could get would be Federal Flood Insurance.

And poor people can't afford private insurance, or they would already have it!  This is a perfect example of where we expect the Government we have to step up and do something we can't do for ourselves!  Or a business like the insurance industry WON'T do, even though it's making a ton of money on the rest of us.

My conservative, Republican, Mormon, BYU Graduate, wife wanted to jump into the TV and strangle this guy!  Debra Jo was pissed off!  Good.  After 28 years, I'm starting to have an effect on her.  It's been tough because she's so stubborn, but I think we're making some progress.

I really don't see how NOT paying INSURANCE rates for the poor, but having to pay, FULL PRICE for health care, or hospitals NOT getting paid at all, is saving anyone any money?  And if poor people can take their kid to a doctor, and not have to go to an emergency room, which is required to treat them, every time they have a sore throat, or runny nose, or broken arm?  Doesn't that make the ER's in this country more efficient?

The only people I know who are against a national health care program, have never been out of the country.  They believe the, "Faux News" lie that Canadians hate their health care and come over here to see doctors.  It's total, fabricated, unproven, bullshit.

France has great health care.  In England, they will pay your bus fare to get to the doctor.  Yeah, I know, they don't pay for stuff like braces, or boob jobs or anything cosmetic.  But if you have cancer and are poor?  You won't have to die!  Isn't that more important?

Hell, as bad as almost everything in Cuba is?  The one thing the people there DON'T complain about? If you can get them in a place where they feel they aren't being listened to by someone who will turn them in, is the health care!

So, if Orrin Hatch is NOT right wing enough for you?  If you think this Tea Bagger, Liljenquist is going to make life better for you?  If you think it's better for you to not have the Government involved in insuring anyone, and you have Flood Insurance, or get help from FEMA  (I'm talking to YOU, Cache County, especially TONIGHT) you should vote for, Dan Liljenquist.

And then you should jump off a bridge, preferably before you have offspring!  You're an idiot!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Mitt Is The Shit

OK, I understand that Mitt Romney is a privileged, spoiled, asshole who got all his wealth from his parents, and THEN started a company that made him even richer.

I got MOST of my wealth from my father.  He amassed a fortune of ALMOST one million dollars that I inherited.  Romney has hundreds of million of dollars.

He paid 15% of his income in taxes last year.

I paid 35%.

Plus a $5K penalty for not doing what I should have done in 2007 and 2008 because I got lousy advice from my accountant.  I did this voluntarily.  I, "narced" myself off to the IRS when my broker found the problem.  And my new accountant agreed with me, that it would be better to pay it than hope the IRS, "didn't notice".

So, since I don't have any of my money in the Camen Islands, like, Mitt does.  And even though I claim some of my money now that I'm retired, from, "Capital Gains",  just like, Mitt, because I MADE some money as, "Earned Income" (my state retirement, my wife's state retirement and her SS disability for being blind) I have to pay 35% in taxes and HE pays 15%?

WTF?  How is this right?

If you vote for a Republican, and you work for a living?  You're an IDIOT!

And he's a Mormon.  Which will doom his campaign in the South.  Well, the East, too.  Northeast?  Never going to happen.  Probably the Midwest as well.  He's not going to win the Northwest.   Or California.  Might win Utah, Arizona and Idaho.

Every time this guy opens his mouth, it becomes increasingly clear that he will say anything, PROMISE anything, to the right wing if he thinks it will get him elected!

He IS the 1%.  And he believes some crazy stuff.  And he hates poor people ("Corporations ARE people, my friend!").  He's given millions of dollars to the Mormons, who hate the Gays, while being OK with Gay marriage in Massachusetts while he was Governor there!  He has always been against a woman's right to choose as a, "pro-life" Mormon, until he was, "Pro-Choice" to get elected Governor in Massachusetts.  He's a lying, flip flopping, asshole, who will say or do anything to become President!

And he needs to be called on all his bullshit.

If you are saving your aluminum cans because you need the money and you vote for Republicans?  You are crazy.  If you work for an hourly wage, and you vote for Republicans?  You are crazy.  If you work for Wal-Mart, or McDonald's and you think this will get you into the top 1% some day if you work hard and long enough?  You didn't finish high school.

And you don't own a Library Card.  If you're stupid?  It's your own fault.  The Library is open for EVERYONE.  As are, at least at this point, while we keep the, Republicans at bey, the public schools.

If you don't own a yacht?  And you STILL vote for, Mitt Romney, who believes, God lives on the Planet Kolob?  You're crazy.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

No. It's You.

A former coworker and friend, Lora, just posted a link on Facebook to a story on KSL (good thing she did.  I don't watch KSL) about a guy in Utah County (go figure) who thought he was above the law.  He got pulled over for speeding.

The Cop gave him a break and let him go on his license being expired, and just gave him a ticket for speeding and told him to get his license renewed.

Jerk boy couldn't let it go at that. He had to drive by the Cop, honking his horn.  After all, he'd been inconvenienced by getting pulled over.

The Cop stops him again, to cite him for blowing his horn when it's not an emergency (YES, that is a crime in Utah.  Not often cited but a true story).  This guy is a total jerk, and ends up getting his car impounded and himself arrested.  Then he has the balls to go on TV and claim the Cops were out of line.

No.  It's YOU.

Cops don't pull over, or arrest people for NO reason.  You only get the attention of the law enforcement community because of shit YOU do.  The Cops do NOT go looking to find reasons to cite or arrest law abiding citizens.  They look for TROUBLE!  That's their job.  You have to screw up to get the attention of your local LEO.  Sorry, Law Enforcement Officer.  LEO from here on out.

So, if you're speeding?  Bingo.  You didn't renew your license?  Extra charge.  He let you GO, with a promise to do so in the near future and you drove by him making an ass of yourself?  It's not the Cops.

 No.  It's YOU.

You want to see this, "theory" proven beyond a reasonable doubt?  Watch, "Parking Wars" on, A&E on Saturday nights. 

You have a couple of thousand dollars worth of unpaid parking tickets and you can't understand why those pricks at, The Parking Authority towed your car.  Those guys are pricks!

No.  It's YOU.

Your car gets towed because you parked in front of a handicapped ramp?  The Cops are assholes!  I was only in there for a minute to pick up a sandwich!

No.  It's YOU.

You got your car towed and impounded because you have too many tickets, parked in a handicapped zone when you're not, or a fire lane, no parking area or too close to a curb and you can't believe the Cops were such assholes!

No. It's YOU.

You go to get your car out of impound and you don't have a valid drivers license.  Or proof of insurance.  And the plates on the car?  They don't belong on THAT car?  Those assholes at, The Parking Authority!

No.  It's YOU.

So, if you think you are special.  You can use the diamond lane all by yourself.  Or you can park anywhere you want, because it's, "just for a minute".  Or you can drive in the fast lane, and do it really slow because you are on the phone.  No.  You can't.  When you get a ticket for it?  The Cops are not assholes.

No.  It's you.  YOU are an asshole!  Playing by the rules is a LOT easier than trying to get through life because you think you're special.  And a lot cheaper.

And anyone who YOU think is an asshole because they are enforcing rules you SHOULD have known?  You pay them to do it.  It's called, "society".  Live with it, you dumb ass!

There is a minimum amount of knowledge you should know, just to FUNCTION in this society.  I wish we could require a test.

Most of the time, when you're upset at authority?  It's not THEIR fault.  It's yours.  It's YOU.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Eagle Forum Convention Was In SLC Today. Whole Lot Of Stupid Going On

I was watching the news tonight, and they did a report on the Eagle Forum having their state convention in a downtown hotel today.  I guess all the candidates for Congress this year were speaking. The, "R" candidates.  The news clip they used for Carl Wimmer was classic.

He kept going on about all the things he will fight for when he's elected, and one of them was, State Sovereignty.  Really?  You WANT that now?  Because 150 years ago, right after your Mormon ancestors illegally immigrated to Mexico in 1847, you constantly begged the United States of America to grant you statehood!  Finally had to give up on your religious principal of polygamy to get it.  Now you want to piss it away.

Of course, in your world, you want a NATIONAL ban on Gay Marriage.  A NATIONAL ban on abortion.  NATIONAL recognition of your concealed carry permit.  A NATIONAL ban on pornography, drugs, and any thing else you don't like.

Look, Wimmer.  You can't have it both ways.  Have you ever heard of the Civil War? Either you're state is part of the Union, and lives by The Constitution YOU claim was divinely inspired, or you don't.  And that means you succeed from the Union.

And this time it won't be over slavery.  It will be over public schools KEEPING the public money from your, Mormon private school, contraception, abortion, gun control, being able to make your own gold coins, illegal aliens who you don't think the Government is doing enough to make miserable, not being able to run a religious theocracy, Gays getting equal rights, alcohol laws, not wanting to have to have daylight savings time, letting folks view pornography on their Internet connection instead of having to check into a Marriott Hotel in Utah County to watch it, free trade and the rule of capitalism in any and every way, except the State should control the sale of alcohol, and selling all the open land in this state to the highest bidder!

Yeah, I know you white, right wing, Republican, Mormons are SO oppressed here in Utah.  It's a shame how your human rights are violated by a repressive Federal Government.

Who's highway money you're happy to take.  Who's big bucks keep Hill Air Force Base open.  Who spends a fortune buying bullets and other things from ATK, formerly, Hercules in West Valley City, and other places.

Oh, did you notice?  Just before he came to speak to you nutcases today, Governor Herbert got the folks in Cache County a BUNCH of money from FEMA to pay for the damage from last springs flooding.  You remember FEMA?  The folks that you thought were going to declare Marshall Law the minute we elected the Black, Socialist, African, Muslim who's Methodist Minister you hated during the campaign?

I wish like hell I knew the Eagle Forum was meeting in town today.  I would have gotten the tin foil hat concession set up in the lobby!  I'd be rich.  RICH, I tell you!


Lets just call these folks what they are, OK?  A right wing, Christian version of the Taliban.  They want all of us to live like they think we should, and they want the Federal Government to impose those kind of laws on us.  But god forbid, the Federal Government, protect the rights of individuals in each and every state to be free of the bullshit laws they want to pass!

And when it comes to Carl Wimmer?  He does NOT have a college degree.  Which, personally, I think should be a minimum requirement for an office as important as Congressman.  He WAS a Cop, but he didn't RETIRE as a COP which, as a retired COP, makes me wonder why, as hard as you have to work to get those jobs?  He quit.  Usually this means that if he didn't quit?  He was going to get fired.  I don't know a single person who was a Cop, that quit, who wasn't going to get fired first.  Just something someone ought to look into.

I'm talking to you, Paul Roly.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

You're Kids Are Obnoxious, And You're a Lousy Parent!

My son is playing in a co-ed, indoor soccer league on Thursday afternoon.  Some of these high school girls are REALLY good, and give the boys all they can handle.  It's fun to watch.

For those of you who are my age, and had your kids WAY before I had mine, indoor soccer is played on an NHL size, "rink" with sport turf on it.  And they can use the boards and glass to bounce the ball off of.  The goals are six feet high and ten feet wide.  It's fast, fun to watch and I'm guessing a riot to play, because he and his friends can't get enough.  They all play in two leagues every winter.

The converted warehouse here in Murray is just west of State Street, and south of 4800.  Close to home, but there are only bleachers on ONE side of the warehouse.  So, everyone sits together.  You need to be civil, because you might be sitting right next to parents of players from the other team.

And, I think, that this implies, you should go out of your way to make sure any members of your, "litter" of children, are on their best behavior.  I think I'm wrong on that.

Because today, Danny's team played a team that had a lot of East High t-shirts on, but they had no manners.  Granola Mom came into a mostly empty arena, and sat right next to me.  With her five year old.  I noticed right away, that her husband and older son, did NOT sit next to mom.  Should have been a hint.  And they were on the OTHER side of me, and a few rows down.  So, I'm in the Devil's Triangle of bad behavior, it turns out.

Granola Mom is on the phone from the time she sat down, until another mom she knew came in about half time.  Why do you come to your kids game to talk on the phone and not watch it?

My friend, Lisa, the comedian calls her son, "Devil Tot" in her act.  I've never met, Ari, but I'm pretty sure he can't hold a candle to the little jerk that was supposed to be SITTING next to me today.

He stood up, he ran around, he threw his jacket at his mother, he found another kid his age to come over and stand in front of me on the bleachers so I couldn't see the game.  He walked in front of me from parent to parent about a hundred times in a 20 minute first half!

Granola Mom was using her adult voice, but to no avail.  "Stop putting your clothes on me!  You're driving me crazy!  Stop that, and sit down!  Don't go near your brother!  Leave your father alone!  Don't talk to me, I'm on the phone!"  Driving YOU crazy?  BITCH, put a leash on your whelp!  He's out of control and you're a shitty Mom!

At one point, the devil tot (sorry, Lisa if I'm violating a Trade Mark, but if the shoe fits...) and his new buddy are standing, literally, right in my face, blocking my view of half the field while Granola Mom is trying to get them chocolate out of a plastic bag, and I had to say, "Hey, boys!  Could you sit down?  I'm trying to watch the game!"

And they did, but they stared at me for ten minutes like they expected me to kill them.  I thought about it.

To her credit, Granola Mom did verbally reprimand them, and even dad a few rows down told them to stay in one place.  I was expecting them to turn on me for reprimanding THEIR kid.

My response would have been, "The problem that I'm agitated with YOUR kids behavior is not the problem.  The problem is your kid is an obnoxious, ill mannered, little prick, with no concern for anyone else around him, who has not been shown how to behave in a group setting!  And you're a shitty parent!"

I haven't lived anywhere else since I was very young, but I have traveled a lot.  And I find that behavior to be pretty much, ONLY a Utah thing.  No parents in any other place I have ever been, would let their kids behave like this.

It's kind of like being in a Ward House on a Sunday.  Presbyterians,  the group in which I grew up, were very well behaved in Sunday service.  I married a Mormon, so I've been to some sacrament meetings.  It's like holding a holy service in a nursery school!  The kids go crazy while the religious leader is speaking, and no one gives a shit!  And this seems to bleed out into polite society here.

This extends even onto the street.  Hey, lady in a an SUV with the phone glued to your ear?  Look in your rear view mirror.  You are driving 10 miles an hour UNDER the speed limit and there is someone behind you!  Give THEM a thought and pull the hell over to finish your phone call.

And I understand the concept of a Family Restaurant.  You can bring the kids.  It's not, Charlie Trotter's.  All men in jackets and white linen.  I get it.  But if you bring your kids to a restaurant, and you let them RUN around the place, bumping into other diners, and generally yelling their heads off?  Your kids are obnoxious, and you're a lousy parent.

I chose to eat in a Family Restaurant, I knew what I was getting into.  I did NOT choose to have lunch in your FAMILY ROOM while your kids play under my table while I'm eating my meal!  There IS a difference, Utah Parents!  And if you don't know the difference?  Your kids are obnoxious, and you're a lousy parent.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Gordon Monson Is An Idiot

So, self appointed, human rights watchdog, and Tribune columnist, Gordon Monson has taken it on himself to be offended for the Ute Nation, and tell the University of Utah that it's time for the Ute name to go.  It's degrading to the Utes to be in the same category with animal nicknames like Cougars, or Eagles.

Bullshit.

He's a tsds alumni, and having spent most of this last year trying to drum up support for continuing to let that inferior institution continue to play the Utes in sports, he's now going after the symbols that mean something to his former rivals fans.

What a coup it would be for him to say he had a hand in making the Utes drop the Ute name, the feather and drum and making us change our football helmets.

The only people who have any right to say anything about the use of their name for our sports teams are the Ute Nation.  And from everything I've read in Mr. Monson's paper?  They don't have a problem with it.

I have a buddy who just got his Masters Degree from Central Michigan University.  They have the same comfortable relationship with the Chippewas in that part of the country.

So, no, the Utes do not need to become the Red tailed Hawks, or anything else for that matter.  At least not until the Ute Nation thinks they do.

Monson, and all other tsds fans need to get used to the fact that there is no longer a Utah/tsds rivalry.  It's just going to fail to exist any more.  After next year, in football the Utes will have 9 PAC 12 games, one with a Big 10 team and only two open dates.  You know one of these is going to be Southern Utah, or Northern Colorado, or Eastern Washington, or someone else from a lower subdivision, who will show up the first week of the season, take a beating, and a paycheck, and not hurt us in the national rankings.

The other game?  Well, I'd like to see it be Utah State.  It would help them out, and the Utah fans I know root FOR them in all their other games.  It's really a battle of the brothers, and not a holy war.  And I for one, am tired of the holy war.  We've moved on.   Time to leave that behind as well.

So Monson can keep hoping if not to prop up tsds, since he has no national clout (just like tsds), he can at least keep trying to somehow hurt Utah.  Good luck with that.

I have to go.  I just got an email from PETA.  Something about a school with a lousy academic rating and a football team so full of itself that no other conference in the country wants them, demeaning cougars by using them as a symbol for their athletic teams.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Buy Local? I'd Love To!

I've got a friend in California.  He's a Conservative.  He just put up a FB post about how we should quit taxing rich folks, and should all buy local.

He's in the oil industry.

When you get up off the floor after hearing that an oil guy wants you to, "buy locally" when 35% of the product the oil company's sell comes from the Middle East, I'll go on with my story.  Go ahead.  Take a minute.

Yeah, I own oil company stock.  I HAVE to.  My investments are the only reason I could retire.  That doesn't mean I think they should still get the tax breaks they get, or treat the environment the way they do, but economic reality is what it is.

And yeah, I believe if you are rich, you should pay more in taxes.

His complaint is that the Government should quit giving shit to people who don't deserve it.  Well, if you're paying attention, you know that Government is ALL about giving people who don't deserve it, shit.  Like roads, Police and Fire protection, clean water, sewer service, garbage pick up, and at least here in Murray (God's own city) power and fiber optic computer service.  Which is why I can annoy Conservatives much faster than anyone else in the world!

With my taxes, I buy society (I didn't make that up, but I can't remember who said it first.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, maybe?  But I like it, so I'm using it).

Before Government gave us Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid, poor and old people starved!  And died when they shouldn't have.  Isn't that why we have Government?  To do shit for all of us that we can't do for ourselves?  I think it is.  And I think it's been that way as far back as the Greeks and Romans, and maybe, even before.

I guess if you're a Conservative, you only want the Government to provide those services to folks who DESERVE it.  Like rich folks.  Job creators.  And this brings me to my last point.  Buying locally.

In the last couple of years, I have spent money to buy the two most American things you can possibly, in your wildest dreams, imagine.  No, not a hooker and a Congressman!

A big, gas guzzling, V8, American Muscle Car, and a big, Model 1911, 45. ACP, stainless steel, handgun.  Designed right here in Utah by John Browning.  Who was such a selfless, millionaire, American that he GAVE the design to the Government because, well, his country needed it.

See, the US Military found out in the Spanish American war, that the .38 wouldn't stop pissed off Filipino's, and Cubans.  They needed a bigger gun.  So Browning came up with one.  And when he gave it to the Government?  They let everyone BUT Browning Arms build the sucker!  Colt made a fortune.  Hell, even Singer, the sewing machine people cranked them out in WWII!

Hotpoint, the appliance folks made them.  John Browning, rich, white, Mormon, American didn't make shit on his own design, because he did it for his country.

You know what I found out after I purchased both of these things?  I wasn't buying local.  I wasn't even buy shit made in THIS country.

The fire breathing, 0-60 in four seconds, premium only, can't drive it in the winter, gets, "Yardage" not, "Mileage", 406 break horse power, rear wheel drive, "American Dream" car of a kid who grew up in the 70's is made in?  Detroit?  No.  Canada!

Well, makes sense.  The, "job creators" have sent the jobs to a country with a National Health Care Plan.  So THEIR Unions don't have to negotiate health care.  And they can negotiate good wages and other benefits.  THEIR Unions are still strong.  While Conservatives here try to destroy OUR Unions.  Because they tend to vote against rich motherfuckers who will do everything they can to harm the poor, while making life easier for the rich.

And this next one is just, unreal.  I bought a .45 ACP (stands for, Automatic Colt Pistol, by the way.  Browning didn't even get credit for the calibre of the gun he gave the Military) from a company called, Springfield Armory.  Based in Illinois.  Can't get much more, "local" or American than that, can you?  A handgun from Illinois.  I feel good about this.

The original, "Springfield Armory" was established in, Springfield, Massachusetts by, George Washington to supply the Colonial Army. But I'm pretty sure the gun I bought owners manual said they were in Illinois.  I could be wrong.

Then I get the thing home, and read the owners manual.

The SOB was actually MADE in Brazil!  I want a, "Brazilian" on my wife.  Not tucked into the back of my pants because my son is playing soccer in Ogden, or West Valley City.

When I was in college, I worked in the Zinik's Sporting Good's store in Fashion Place Mall.  The worst, cheap ass, crummy handguns you could buy in the 70's were made in Brazil!  Now I, unwittingly, BOUGHT ONE!  I was trying to buy AMERICAN!

Turns out the guns are much better now, so it's a quality gun.  But still. I feel like I got sold a bill of goods when I was trying to do the right thing.

So the moral of the story is this.  If I can't buy an AMERICAN Camaro.  Or an AMERICAN .45 pistol.  How the hell am I supposed to know where my fucking TOMATO'S come from!  Buy LOCAL!  I'D LOVE TO!

I spent $43K on the Camaro and $600 on the gun and NONE of it was LOCAL!

I'm pretty sure that the only thing I can be sure I buy that's local is beer.  And I am pretty sure that  the bourbon I enjoy is at least, still produced in Kentucky.



Enjoy the Honeydew.  It's from Green River, Utah.  Trust me.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I'm Glad THAT'S Over

Took down the fake Christmas tree today.  Had to go to that a few years ago when we figured out that all of us were sick for the whole month of December because of the bug infested, fire retardant sprayed, dusty ass, REAL tree we kept in the living room for a month!

Years ago it used to smell like pine.  Smelled like, "Christmas".  But after they started spraying it with chemicals to keep it from catching on fire?  It smelled more like a meth lab.

Trust me.  I had a LOT of experience in meth labs.  I can smell one a mile off.

I will miss the college football.  I LOVE college football.  Best game in the world (with apologies to the NHL.  "Let's, GO, Red, Wings!")

But I'll be damn sure not to miss another stinking, Lexus commercial!  They started the day after Halloween.  And who gives a CAR for Christmas!?  I don't care how rich you are, if you're not, Tony Soprano, giving, Carmella a Porsche Cayenne because you've had a million, "Goo ma's" in a FICTIONAL, TV show?  You don't give a CAR for Christmas!  Total bullshit.

And just for shits and giggles, lets say you COULD afford to buy a Lexus for your significant other!  Which one?  What color?  What options?  Which interior package?  What wheels?  Which tires?  You better be clairvoyant, or you're going to piss him/her off.

A car is a pretty personal decision.  If my wife had bought my Camaro a couple of years ago?  As long as we've been married?  As well as we know each other?  She would have screwed it ALL up!

She wouldn't have popped for the, Ground Effects Package.  Or the, Performance Exhaust.  About $3K worth of dealer options.  Hell, she would have bought an Impala, because the ride is better!

So, now we are through with the Christmas commercials.  The whole, Holiday bullshit.  Thank, God.  And I don't believe in God!

I used to like the holidays.  When the kids where young, it was fun. Now?  Just a pain in the ass.

I have enough firewood to last for a month or two.  And I can get more.  I'm just going to hunker down, read a lot, and try to survive until the thaw in the spring.

But at least I'm done hearing that stupid Lexus song, and, "Ho, ho, ho" for about nine months until it all starts again.

And if you really have the money to buy your significant other a TRUE luxury car?  Lexus is a glorified, Toyota Camry.  Go with the Audi.  Trust me.  I did and it's been awesome.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Don't Think This Feeling Will Ever Go Away

I start crying for no reason today.  Well, there is a reason, but at unexpected times.  When the news is on.  I see the Cops with that black band on their Badge, and I can't help it. 

I've been off, "The Job" as they call it back east, for five and a half years now, but I wore that band TOO many times, and I don't think I can ever convey the feeling you have when you have lost a brother behind the Badge.  It's like a death in the family.  Even this many years out of the game.

The first thought is, "Did I know him?  Did I work with him?  Were we in The Academy together?"  And the older I get, and the farther removed from the job, the chances of that are less and less, but still...

I don't know about the military, I was never in it.  But I can't imagine the death of every soldier in a war zone affects you in the same way.  You kind of expect it.  The death of your buddies?  Sure, it's going to rock your world.  But in, "Cop World" every loss feels like a death in the family.  Because we DON'T expect it!

We expect to be the thin blue line between society and anarchy, and we EXPECT to win every time.  We don't calculate, "collateral damage", or, "acceptable losses".  NO losses are acceptable in our business!  So every one hurts.  And it hurts a lot.

No one becomes a Cop to get rich, or famous.  Some of us ended up in the business completely by accident.  But the pay checks don't bounce, you always have work, and health insurance.  At least until you retire.  Thanks for that, Jon Huntsman, by the way.

But once you DO become one, you become part of a brotherhood (and I don't mean to exclude my sisters behind the Badge, I'd have taken the bullet for any one of THEM too. Just being lazy in my typing.  My best Cop buddy is an awesome, beautiful, woman my kids grew up calling, "Aunt Di").  And no one who does not live in it will ever understand it.  It's just...  Different.  You are different from everyone else.

You have to live to a higher standard.  You can't make waves.  You have more responsibility.

And your job is dangerous.  It might kill you with a bullet like it did the young officer  last night.  Or it might kill you with bladder cancer from being in meth labs like it tried to do to me.  But the job is after you all the time.

I don't know what happened last night.  I don't have any more information than I get from the TV news tonight, because this morning's paper didn't have much.  But if these guys were serving a warrant on a possible Marijuana grow, and ended up getting shot?  I have to say this was a really bad call. 

The original news report last night was for a, "No Knock" search warrant.  At night.  You have to have some pretty extraordinary circumstances for a, "No Knock" at night.  Just growing and selling pot would NOT meet those expectations.

Today I heard it was a, "Knock And Announce" warrant.  OK, that's less of a standard, but still, at night?  Knock and Announce is usually during the day.  You can still punt the door if they don't answer, but to do this at night?  When your goal is a bunch of Pot plants?

You can NOT easily FLUSH, Pot plants.

It's not a pound of easily flushed Cocaine.  What were these guys after?  And why then?  And why didn't they know this guy had Army weapons training?  And a gun?

I'm totally speculating here.  I repeat, I don't know the whole story.  But I would hate to think a good, young officer lost his life because of a lack of planning, or desire to make things more interesting.  I'll be anxious to see the whole story when it comes out.  But I have a feeling it's not going to be a good story.

I hope, with all hope that I'm wrong, and I don't know what I'm talking about.  But 20+ years in the business tells me, that things are not going to work out well.

And if this fine, young man lost his life and his young children lost their father for nothing more than a Pot grow?  Why don't we legalize this stuff?  Because if we do, THIS will never happen again.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year. Sort Of.

Are you better off NOW than last year?  Has, Eric Cantor protected or GIVEN you a job?  You able to buy an American car this week?

Hell no.

So if you work for a living, and you really think Obama is the problem?  You're a moron.  Read a paper.  They still publish them, you know?