WARNING: I'm going to talk openly and honestly about a medical condition I have just experienced and it's not pretty. It involves talk about urine and other things and it's not for the faint of heart.
I don't do this to shock, or push the limits of what I can get away with in a blog or on FB, I do this to hopefully make more men my age aware of what you might be up against, and hope you will do something about it. Please take my advice if you're a man my age, or you love one who is.
If I have written blogs in the past that pissed you off (no pun intended), or goaded you about your politics or religion, I make no apologies. I meant what I said. But tonight? I'm all serious and I want to save you some grief. Even if you're a Republican.
So, here goes. This is your last chance to pull out and not read this. You have been warned.
About a month ago, one morning after playing golf, I woke up and pissed blood. Not a lot, but a little. You're urine, if things are all good and you're not an NFL football player, professional boxer or MMA fighter, shouldn't include your blood.
And I had a dull ache in my gut. Between the stomach and the part all us guys care so much about. And I hadn't been kicked there.
I thought this would go away. But over the weekend it didn't change much, and sometimes, there was more blood. Sometimes, there was a LOT of blood.
My first thought was that I had a hernia. And somehow, it was causing me to piss blood. But I hadn't lifted anything heavy for a while. And the only thing even remotely athletic I had done was play golf and smoke cigars with, "The Murray Boys". But, I just had a feeling that this was something that was NOT going to be cured by a pill. So I called my doctor.
My doctor is not a doctor. I know what you're thinking. I go to some quack chiropractor or, "Holistic" nut ball. No, it's not like that. I have been going to the same doctors office for 27 years. I like the, Nurse Practitioner, Sharon. She's not pretentious, she gets right to the point, and 99 times out of a hundred, I'm just in there for a sore throat or to get my allergy medicine renewed. I trust her, she's a great person and that's what I want in a, "doctor".
When I told her my problem, she had me give a urine sample and told me, in no uncertain terms, that I needed to go to a Urologist, and if they didn't get me in that week, I should call her back. She agreed, this is NOT something we can cure with a pill.
So, I go to the Urologist that week. Feeling, prodding, more urine samples. Still feels like I have a hernia to me. But the follow up phone call is not so reassuring.
"There are some foreign cells in your urine sample, but it's NOT CANCER! But we need to schedule you for a CAT Scan." OK. As long as it's not cancer, for crying out loud.
Last week, CAT Scan. Results? "There is a, Mass in your bladder. We need to do a scope". OK, I'm all over that. I want to get better.
I had only HOPED that when he mentioned a bladder scope, it didn't involve putting a scope, I don't care HOW small, up where I knew it had to go, to get to my bladder. No, no it didn't matter what I hoped. It was going to happen.
I will say this about that. The only OTHER time something had been put up there was about 35 years ago and involved a public health nurse with a Q-tip, and NO lube telling me that no, I did NOT have Gonorrhea, but my current girlfriend had given me a yeast infection and the pills prescribed would stop the burning feeling in about a week. And THAT hurt for DAYS.
Guys, this is NOT a pleasant experience. Even when the doctor shoots your unit full of Novocaine, THAT hurts. And when he puts the scope up there, after the Novocaine, THAT still hurts!
On the bright side, even though it feels like forever? It only lasts a couple of minutes. Maybe less than one minute, because your bladder is pretty small, so it doesn't take long to take in the whole thing. Even on CCTV.
Well, if you're 50 and you're smart, you've had your first colonoscopy. And in that case, the day before where you can't eat and have to take a ton of laxatives is the HARD part of that procedure. Because before they shove that thing up your ass, they knock you out. Totally out. And an hour afterward? You can have lunch.
And they can also tell you shit like, "We found some polyps, and we took them out and we will have them biopsied and get back to you." Great.
First time I did THAT, I got told to get back in in a year. Second year? Not Cancer, come back in three years.
With your bladder? Not so much. About the time the Doc took the scope out, he said, "Well, it's cancer. You have two tumors. And there are two types of bladder cancer. One means we snip off the tumors and most of the time, that's it. We monitor you once a year for three years, and once every two years for four years, and then once every three years and you're fine. But the other kind is very aggressive and you will need to go on chemo therapy right away. Full cancer treatment."
Well? Which is it? In YOUR professional opinion? He says MOST of the time, it's option one.
Not saying what he saw INSIDE ME is looking either way, just sayin...
So now, I'm going to have a laporoscopy surgery next Wednesday. And when they pull it all out of me, they will have it tested, and by Friday, they hope, they will tell me if I'm sick, or REALLY sick!
I'm glad I an afford insurance. It's meant since my retirement insurance ran out, that I have to pay for it myself, and, "The Blind Lady" doesn't get to travel any more, but at least we won't go broke if I have cancer. Great plan we have in this country huh? If we lived in, Canada, Germany, England, France, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Greenland, Brazil, Mexico.... it wouldn't be a problem.
Socialism sucks SO much. Until you get Medicare or Medicaid. Teabaggers? YOU SUCK!
So guys, if you're otherwise healthy, and you have to help your neighbor bail his driveway out because Salt Lake County didn't repair a storm drain in time, and when you're done, you piss blood? Go see a doctor.
If you can afford it. If you can't? Quit voting for Republicans. They don't want us to have a national health care program.
Just sayin...
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