Crapped Out In Las Vegas

I had the most amazing opportunity this last weekend.  And I couldn't enjoy it. 

The way it's supposed to work when you go to Las Vegas for a Jimmy Buffett concert is you get there, drink too much and THEN you get sick.  I got it all backwards.

My friend, Al invited Deb and I to accompany he and his wife to Las Vegas for the Jimmy Buffett show this weekend.  Room, well, "Sky Suite" comped.  Tickets to the show, and yes they WERE on the front row, thank you very much.  Limo ride to and from the show.  All of this should have been the most memorable experience of our lives.  Turns out, Deb had a great time.  Me?  Not so much.

By the time we got to the casino on Thursday afternoon, I didn't feel so good.  I thought I was just stressed out from the drive, the road construction, etc.  I would put my feet up, watch a little college football, have a drink, relax, and then we could go to dinner.  Didn't work out that way.  I just kept feeling worse.

Al and Francis took Deb and went to dinner.  I stayed in the room.  Should have been astute enough to realize I needed water.

I couldn't concentrate well enough to watch a college football game.  That alone, should have been enough to tell me that I was in trouble.  Then, I couldn't concentrate enough to go on Facebook, and read all the goofy political stuff I like.  So went to bed.

These are all the signs of being dehydrated.  Once I started to drink water, I felt better.  But I got no sleep.

I'm sitting in a beautiful suite, overlooking the Las Vegas Strip, or at least part of it.  The lap of luxury, I'm not paying for any of this, and I'm miserable!  And I HAVEN'T been drinking.  In Las Vegas.  How weird is that.

The next morning, after a night of running to the bathroom, cause I'm forcing water, which leads to having to pee all the time, I thought I was feeling better.

We go to the restaurant and I had the most amazing breakfast.  Irish oatmeal, brown sugar, milk and a gorgeous bowl of fresh, beautiful, berries like nothing you have ever seen.  Blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries.

I had that breakfast for about 15 minutes.  Then without warning, I threw it up all over the gift shop.  Probably the most embarrassing experience I have ever had.  I went to the room as soon as a I could and I was in pretty bad shape.

Francis, the nurse, and Deb, my smart wife, finally figured out I needed to rehydrate.  They brought me Poweraide, and since I needed food, a Powerbar while they went down to the casino to watch Al compete in a slot tournament.

So, I'm in one of the high end casino's on the Vegas Strip, with some of the best restaurant's in the world, and I'm eating like a backpacker.  How screwed up is that?

I did manage to go downstairs that night and eat a few bites of a steak and some salad.  But I was still in the room feeling awful while they were in the casino getting pampered.

That's OK, because I think, Deb had the time of her life.  She never had to pay for a drink, or a meal, and she and Francis had a great time watching, Al win money.

Saturday dawned with no sleep, and feeling miserable.  They went to breakfast, and brought me more Poweraid and let me watch football.  I was really hoping I didn't have to miss this one and only opportunity to catch, Jimmy Buffett from the front row.

I made it, but not by much.  Had we not had the limo?  I really don't think I could have walked across the street to see this.

And this brings up something else I have never experienced before.  When you pull right up to the front door, and get out of a limo?  People look at you funny.  This was my first limo ride, so I've never experienced this.  They kind of look at you like, "Who the fuck are THESE people?"  I don't think I'm anybody special.  But the folks in charge of the place sure treat you like you are.

Then you show the guys in charge your ticket?  And it's Section: FLRC, Row: A, Seat 1?  They treat you real well.  They also put a yellow arm band on you.  Only folks with the yellow arm band are allowed on the front row.  So, you can't, "rush the stage" at THIS show.

Some Asian woman behind me kept asking me, "How you get that!?  Why YOU have that?!  I really didn't know what to say.  But boy, if you don't have that yellow wrist band?  You will get your ass tossed if you try to get on the front row.

The show was awome.  I could look skinny assed, Tina Gulickson right in the eye.  From 100 rows away, she just looked like a skinny girl with a BUNCH of blond hair.  Looks pretty much the same close up!  Deb and Francis got on the, "Crowd Cam". 

And I know why Tina's so skinny.  She and Nadira Shakur do NOT quit dancing the whole show.  Between that workout and the lights?  Wow!  We were UNDER the lights, not IN FRONT of them, and when they turned them all on?  It got HOT in there!

No intermission last night.  Just a long, solid show.  The pretty young girl standing next to Deb caught Jimmy's sweat band at the end of the show.

Al had caught a limo back earlier to see how he did in the slot tournament.  I pulled a muscle in my side trying to yell that information to Francis and Deb while the show was still going on.  And after the show, we went out, and caught another, Aria limo back to the room.

Now it gets weird.  Francis and Deb went down to the casino (since Al plays the high limit slots, all the drinks and food are taken care of, even if they were not playing) so their having the time of their lives, watching the play, eating the food, drinking, and drinking, and drinking the, "boat drinks".

I'm up in the suite, me and my Poweraide, trying to have a glass or two of whiskey, and trying to catch a score for the Utah game on the late, Sportscenter, when my cell phone rings.

Deb says, Al just hit a jackpot for $35K, and I should come down and see this payout.  Yeah.  Yeah, I probably should.  I'd be very happy for him.

But instead, I'm in a Sky Suite, at The Aria, trying to hold one eye open long enough to see if my crappy little football pool picks worked out today.  Cause at he end of the season?  This could bring me in as much as, oh, $300!

I'm really not living life the right way.  But for one brief, and shinning moment?  I got so see what it looks like when you do.