Deb and I spend a lot of time in Intercontinental Hotels. We usually stay at Holiday Inn Express. Mostly newer, always nicer, not too expensive. But we've stayed in them all. Crown Plaza, and even the Intercontinental in New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl. I'm a gold member in their, Priority Club. I'm a good customer. And I'm pissed off.
We are staying at the Holiday Inn Miami Beach. It's in the 4300 Block of Collins Ave. (A1A). I give you the address because if you ever happen to be in Miami Beach? I don't want you to make the mistake of staying here.
We picked this one because it has direct access to the beach. So far, that's about the only thing that's gone right with picking this place.
Last night, we were tired and ate in the restaurant here in the hotel. The food was great. When it finally got there. And the same thing happened today. We grabbed lunch so we could go to the beach. It should NOT take 55 minutes to get a turkey wrap and an order of fries.
Last night, the toilet wouldn't flush. So I called the desk and they said they would have someone come right up. Great. That being done, Deb and Danny and I spent three hours out on South Beach with the beautiful people before taking a taxi back to the hotel. No one had fixed the toilet.
I called the desk, pissed off, and they knew it, and this time, they sent someone up to fix it. When he was done, he said he would have housekeeping come and clean the toilet. They showed up and cleaned the whole bathroom. Except the toilet.
I had to call the front desk three times last night to tell them their Internet access wasn't working. took them more than a half an hour to fix it. Tried to get on it again this afternoon. It didn't work.
I went to the beach for a while with Deb and Danny, took some pictures, got wet. It was a nice afternoon. But I decided I was going back to the room and take a shower so we could go some place nice for dinner. When I got here, I noticed there was still water in the sink. Push the sink plunger, nothing happens. OK, I crawled under there to fix it myself, still, the stopper won't move.
I'm starting to think my room is possessed by the devil. And I didn't believe in the devil, until I checked in here.
By now I'm pissed. So I'm going to have a glass of rum, watch a little, Comedy Central on TV and try to relax until dinner time. Fat chance. This hotel doesn't have cable. They have Direct TV. If I'd wanted to NOT watch, Comedy Central? I could have stayed home.
OK, I gotta get outta here for a while. I'm going for a drive, see if this fantastic Italian place in Surfside, up on North Beach, where Deb and I had a great meal in 2003 on our FIRST trip to Cuba is still around. And sure enough, it's still there.
Well, surely the promise of a fantastic meal in this place is going to make up for all the problems with the hotel. This place was so good, I've been thinking about it for almost 10 years. This will be the perfect end to an otherwise trying day. As trying as a day can get when you are on vacation in Miami Beach, OK?
I get the car back to the valet, and go to tell Deb and Danny that I found the place. I am so excited to have dinner there! We all get ready, and call the valet to bring the car back to the front of the hotel. After all, it was $25 a day to self park across the street, with a fee every time you went in or out, or $29 a day for the valet, with no other fees.
They bring the car back in a few minutes and I shit you not, the valet had changed the radio station. Really? I'm paying $30 a day for this service with my rental car, and you can't stand to listen to my Satellite Radio, Outlaw Country station for the two, fucking minutes it took you to drive across the street to the parking garage? Really? REALLY! You had to give me back my car with some godawful, Latin, rap bullshit on the radio? REALLY!
He's a little tip for anyone who hopes to grow up to one day be a valet. I don't know, maybe you can't do math, can't speak English, walk with a limp, or just want to drive a bunch of great cars like, "Lambos", and Ferrari's, or my rental Chevy Impala, if even only for a block at a time. THE VALET, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR ANY REASON, IS EVER TO CHANGE THE FUCKING RADIO STATION!
I don't care if I give you that car in South Beach, and you have to park it in North Beach. Keep you fingers off the radio!
I went in to have a little chat with the Holiday Inn manager, but they were conveniently, "In a meeting" at the time. Well, tomorrow, there is a guy named, Julio, or Omar, or Jerry who's going to get a good talking too.
But I'm not up the roof with a rifle because Cafe Ragazzi still exists. If you ever get to this corner of the world, you should go to Surfside, which is a little community on North Beach. It's on the corner of 95th Street and A1A, South bound. And it's a little slice of heaven.
In October of 2003, Deb and I got a funky, art deco hotel in that area to spend a couple days down here before we went to Cuba. And one night, we just drove up A1A and saw the Surfside Shops district, and pulled in, thinking we'd find a place to have a bite. We parked next to a drug store that was just closing up, and the owner noticed the out of state plates on the rental car, and asked if we were from out of town.
We talked for a while, and she recommended the Italian place across the street. And the rest is history.
I don't remember what we had that night. But I remember that I thought I had wandered into a scene from, The Soprano's! A lot of guys who looked like, Bobby, and, Big Pussy in silk, tropical shirts, with HUGE rings, and gold chains, and they all talked like the guys on the show. I know I heard a lot of, "Forgetaboutit". It was like you were waiting for a, "hit" to happen at any time. But it turned out to be a couple of Italian family's having a birthday dinner.
And the food? Well, how many restaurants have YOU eaten in that you remember for ten years?
Tonight, Danny had a shrimp Alfredo, and at one point he looked at me and said, "If I lived here, and it wasn't expensive? I'd eat at this place every day." Deb had a ravioli stuffed with mozzarella, covered in lobster and shrimp. I had a ravioli stuffed with, mozzarella and a, "veal mousse".
Now, before I describe how awesome this was, I'm going to warn anyone going to my upcoming reunion, that if you see Deb (Butler) Hall beating the shit out of me on patio at Snowbird and screaming stuff like, "Not only is that the CRUELEST MEAT? You ate, young cow, Pink Slime, you Rat Bastard!" That she, as a vegetarian, and a close friend since we were 8 years old. But sometimes has a problem with my food choices. I'll leave it at that.
I have eaten on The Left Bank in Paris. I have had a steak at most of America's finest steak houses. I've had $1.25 hot dogs at, Gray's Papaya in New York City that were great. Yeah, I've had the Pizza Bender at Italian Village, and Spent $1200 on dinner for 4 at Charlie Trotter's in Chicago. But this might have been the best meal I have ever eaten. It was so good, I couldn't believe it. I was, in shock.
I washed it down with an Italian beer. Pelegro, I believe. Wow. All I can say is, wow.
The flavor of this stuff was unbelievable.
And the atmosphere in this place? Black shirts, ties and aprons. The staff looked incredible, and you could almost hear the tourist/student/temporary visas expiring as we sat there. The staff was VERY Italian.
At one point, I told my son, "You'll like the bartender", she looked like the Italian Model in the Fiat commercials. His response? "I noticed that, already". Like, where you been, dad?
So, all in all? A good day. Check the pictures I posted on Facebook to see the beach. And if you ever get here? For any reason? Don't miss, Cafe Ragazzi. And whatever you do? Don't stay at the Holiday Inn Miami Beach.
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