You're Kids Are Obnoxious, And You're a Lousy Parent!

My son is playing in a co-ed, indoor soccer league on Thursday afternoon.  Some of these high school girls are REALLY good, and give the boys all they can handle.  It's fun to watch.

For those of you who are my age, and had your kids WAY before I had mine, indoor soccer is played on an NHL size, "rink" with sport turf on it.  And they can use the boards and glass to bounce the ball off of.  The goals are six feet high and ten feet wide.  It's fast, fun to watch and I'm guessing a riot to play, because he and his friends can't get enough.  They all play in two leagues every winter.

The converted warehouse here in Murray is just west of State Street, and south of 4800.  Close to home, but there are only bleachers on ONE side of the warehouse.  So, everyone sits together.  You need to be civil, because you might be sitting right next to parents of players from the other team.

And, I think, that this implies, you should go out of your way to make sure any members of your, "litter" of children, are on their best behavior.  I think I'm wrong on that.

Because today, Danny's team played a team that had a lot of East High t-shirts on, but they had no manners.  Granola Mom came into a mostly empty arena, and sat right next to me.  With her five year old.  I noticed right away, that her husband and older son, did NOT sit next to mom.  Should have been a hint.  And they were on the OTHER side of me, and a few rows down.  So, I'm in the Devil's Triangle of bad behavior, it turns out.

Granola Mom is on the phone from the time she sat down, until another mom she knew came in about half time.  Why do you come to your kids game to talk on the phone and not watch it?

My friend, Lisa, the comedian calls her son, "Devil Tot" in her act.  I've never met, Ari, but I'm pretty sure he can't hold a candle to the little jerk that was supposed to be SITTING next to me today.

He stood up, he ran around, he threw his jacket at his mother, he found another kid his age to come over and stand in front of me on the bleachers so I couldn't see the game.  He walked in front of me from parent to parent about a hundred times in a 20 minute first half!

Granola Mom was using her adult voice, but to no avail.  "Stop putting your clothes on me!  You're driving me crazy!  Stop that, and sit down!  Don't go near your brother!  Leave your father alone!  Don't talk to me, I'm on the phone!"  Driving YOU crazy?  BITCH, put a leash on your whelp!  He's out of control and you're a shitty Mom!

At one point, the devil tot (sorry, Lisa if I'm violating a Trade Mark, but if the shoe fits...) and his new buddy are standing, literally, right in my face, blocking my view of half the field while Granola Mom is trying to get them chocolate out of a plastic bag, and I had to say, "Hey, boys!  Could you sit down?  I'm trying to watch the game!"

And they did, but they stared at me for ten minutes like they expected me to kill them.  I thought about it.

To her credit, Granola Mom did verbally reprimand them, and even dad a few rows down told them to stay in one place.  I was expecting them to turn on me for reprimanding THEIR kid.

My response would have been, "The problem that I'm agitated with YOUR kids behavior is not the problem.  The problem is your kid is an obnoxious, ill mannered, little prick, with no concern for anyone else around him, who has not been shown how to behave in a group setting!  And you're a shitty parent!"

I haven't lived anywhere else since I was very young, but I have traveled a lot.  And I find that behavior to be pretty much, ONLY a Utah thing.  No parents in any other place I have ever been, would let their kids behave like this.

It's kind of like being in a Ward House on a Sunday.  Presbyterians,  the group in which I grew up, were very well behaved in Sunday service.  I married a Mormon, so I've been to some sacrament meetings.  It's like holding a holy service in a nursery school!  The kids go crazy while the religious leader is speaking, and no one gives a shit!  And this seems to bleed out into polite society here.

This extends even onto the street.  Hey, lady in a an SUV with the phone glued to your ear?  Look in your rear view mirror.  You are driving 10 miles an hour UNDER the speed limit and there is someone behind you!  Give THEM a thought and pull the hell over to finish your phone call.

And I understand the concept of a Family Restaurant.  You can bring the kids.  It's not, Charlie Trotter's.  All men in jackets and white linen.  I get it.  But if you bring your kids to a restaurant, and you let them RUN around the place, bumping into other diners, and generally yelling their heads off?  Your kids are obnoxious, and you're a lousy parent.

I chose to eat in a Family Restaurant, I knew what I was getting into.  I did NOT choose to have lunch in your FAMILY ROOM while your kids play under my table while I'm eating my meal!  There IS a difference, Utah Parents!  And if you don't know the difference?  Your kids are obnoxious, and you're a lousy parent.