I have five satellite radio accounts. Yeah, I know, that's ridiculous. But bear with me. The first one was a, "plug and play" deal that would work in my Pontiac and you could take it out and put it in a, "boom box" looking deal, and listen to it on the patio.
Jesus, even MY kids are too young to remember the term, "boom box", but I don't know what else to call it.
When I bought the Audi, it had satellite radio in it, and I gave the old car to Meagan and she wanted to keep the satellite radio, so I let her. Now we're up to two.
Used to be you could listen on line for free, if you were already a subscriber. A while ago, they changed that, and you now have to pay for on line listening. That's three. And as you all know, I'm NEVER on the computer, so I don't know why I have THAT one.
When the old, "plug and play" in Meagan's car died, I had to buy a new one for her which replaced account number one. But then I needed one for my NEW, "boom box" that would also plug into my truck. Now we're up to four.
Those are all Sirius accounts. Bought the Camaro last year, it came with XM. That's five satellite radio accounts.
I don't have a problem with the service. It's pretty much great where ever you go. I could even listen on line in Mexico with my iPad. Although, spending a whole day driving through the Redwoods in California and not taking an CD's proved to be a very, quiet, tactical error on my part, the stuff works real well.
But God help you if you need to call these people for ANY reason at all. And now that Sirius and XM have merged, you get the same shitty on hold music no matter who you're calling.
When the first unit we bought died and I had to deactivate it, I tried to do it on line. Wouldn't work. You can turn one ON, on line, but not off. So I had to call them and wait what seemed like forever to talk to a guy in Bangalore, who informed me there was no way to shut one off on line, and then did it for me.
Unfortunately, even though I read him the number off the back of the unit, when he turned it off, it disabled my on line account, too.
When you disable the ORIGINAL unit, even though you tell them the number on it, and to only shut IT off, and not all your other accounts, they can't seem to make that happen. At least not the first try.
The next day, four phone calls later, they finally reactivated my other accounts. Didn't bother to tell me that when they do that? They change your user name and password. Took another phone call the next day to get THAT fixed.
Every two years, when we get a new credit card, the number doesn't change, but the expiration date does, so as each account comes due for the year, Sirius would send me an email, telling me that the credit card I had given them would not work. I would go on line to my account, change the expiration date and a day later get an email thanking me for continuing my service. Pain in the ass, but expected, and relatively painless.
It appears that the folks on the XM side of the operation haven't caught up. As bad as it is at Sirius? XM makes them look like geniuses.
Yesterday, I got a bright yellow letter in the mail from XM, telling me that they couldn't process my credit card payment, and, "Immediate Action required to avoid termination of service". So, knowing how this works, I called them this morning. I was soon connected to, "Mike". Should have asked, Mike about the weather in Bangalore in the middle of the night.
Mike was obviously new at this, because he couldn't stop using the script. Trying to sell me more services (I already have the, "every freakin' station you offer" package) and trying to trouble shoot me through what ever problem he had been coached to THINK I had. At one point I finally had to say, "HEY, MIKE! STOP TALKING. Just stop, talking. YOU need to listen to ME now, OK?
"Yes, sir."
"Mike, I just want to give you a new credit card expiration date, so you can bill me, and my radio won't go off, OK? Can we do that?"
"Yes, sir. Which account, sir. Can you read me the noomber off the back of your device, sir?"
"No, Mike I can't. It's in a Chevy Camaro. I can't look behind it. Go to my account using my phone number, and find the device number for the one marked, "Chevy Camaro", OK, Mike?"
I'm giving computer advice to a guy in India. That's rich.
"Yes sir, I've found it! You have an outstanding balance of twelve dollars and fivvvty cents. Would you like to pay that now, sir?"
"Yes, Mike, I 'd like to pay that now. And while you're at it, bill me for the next year."
By the time I finally had to tell him I was going to hang up, because he was not going to SHUT up, it was pretty much assured that I wouldn't lose my satellite radio in the Camaro.
Never assume.
By two o'clock this afternoon, I had done everything I had to do today. Took my, "learners permit" son for a drive to visit his grandmother, took him and his mom out to lunch at, The Italian Village (gotta love the pizza bender lunch for about 8 bucks, man!), took the family home so they could take off and visit the OTHER Grandmother, got some whiskey and a cigar and got home by two o'clock. I had a whole hour before the boys and the dogs arrived for, "Dog Day Friday". I'm going to go for a little, windows down, radio turned up, cruse around Murray in, "The Bitchin' Camaro" Yeah!
Get in the car, and the satellite radio doesn't work. Should have seen THIS coming.
I'll make this story short, but after 25 minutes on hold, with, Michele who was not Indian, but sounded pretty southern, they assured me that they would fix the problem, and my radio should be back in working order in a matter of minutes. Fuck it. By now I just parked the sucker in the garage and went to get the back yard ready for a bunch of dogs.
After everyone has gone home at about five thirty, I decide to go out and see if it's working, since I have places to go tomorrow. Should have seen THIS coming.
This time, I"m pissed. Ask my wife, you don't want to deal with me when I'm pissed. I do NOT suffer fools gladly, and all I've had to deal with today from the satellite radio people is fools. There are probably STILL Parolees out there, somewhere in Utah who talk about what happened when they pissed ME off. And I've been retired for five years.
The first guy that answered the phone? I bit his head clean off, right through the phone line, spit it out into the backyard THROUGH the glass sliding door and shouted down the neck of his lifeless corpse, "PUT A SUPERVISOR ON THIS PHONE RIGHT NOW, YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOT!" Almost immediately, I'm speaking to, "John".
"Ello. Dis is, John. Ow may I hellp you?"
Back in freakin' Bangalore! Damn it!
He asks for the account number, which I read to him off the yellow letter that arrived yesterday. Three times. Doesn't help.
He needs the number off the back of the device again. By the third time he asks for this, after I told him for the third time, it was in the car, and I couldn't get behind it, I was yelling, "IT'S IN A FUCKING CHEVY CAMARO, I KEEP TELLING YOU, I CAN'T LOOK BEHIND THE FUCKING RADIO! LOOK THE ACCOUNT NUMBER UP BY THE PHONE NUMBER AND GO TO WHERE IT SAYS, CHEVY CAMARO, YOU INCOMPETENT MORON!"
By this time, Deb, who was sitting on the patio had come to the door. I think she thought I was yelling at the kids. Now, John asks me if I have access to the car. Are you shitting me? Yeah, I think I can find it. Hold on a minute.
Go out, turn on the car, back it out of, The Garage Ma Hall to make sure I have a good satellite connection and, John tells me to turn it to channel 1 and read him the number that the radio tells me.
So I do.
You know by now exactly where this is going to go. You can see it coming from a mile a way. You could hit THIS pitch out of any park, including Yellowstone. But play along.
"That's not the right number, sir." WTF?
How is that NOT the right number! It's the number the RADIO is telling me is IT'S number!
We do this four or five times. And four or five times, I feel compelled to ask, John if he's retarded?
He says, "There are only eight numbers. There should be nine." Oh, shit. Those Canadians who put this fucker together STOLE one of my numbers!
By this time, I'm so angry that I wish I didn't like handguns so much. I wish I had bought some shit that could just rain hot lead, indiscriminately at, Bangalore, India from Murray, Utah! I'm pissed off to the the highest level of pissed-a-tude!
In desperation, I go back to what has worked before, "JUST FUCKING LOOK UP THE ACCOUNT NUMBER BY THE PHONE NUMBER AND GO TO WHERE IT SAYS, CHEVY CAMARO!"
John? He's a quick learner. He'll go far in this company. Because as soon as I yell this at him for the third, or fourth, or fifth time, suddenly, Outlaw Country is playing through the lovely Boston Acoustic speakers of, "The Bitchin' Camaro".
So, I thanked him for his help. I said, "You people are incompetent, inbred stupid bastards who could fuck up a rock fight. Thanks for all you help!"
I swear, before I could push the, "off" button, I heard him, say, "I'm happy we could be of service..."
I think I'm going to get some yellow paper. And every summer about this time, I'm going to send a letter to XM. And it's going to say, "Immediate action required to keep me from terminating YOU as my satellite radio provider! You MUST have someone call me and ask if my credit card number or expiration date has changed before you terminate my service!"
Bastards.
I won't even go into what it took to get, John to get my email right. "GOLF, OSCAR, NOVEMBER, ZULU, OSCAR, PAPA, OSCAR, AT...
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