No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I don't usually tell anyone but my wife, and sometimes my friend, Phil what I do with my money.  It's no one else's business.  And I don't do anything with it for public recognition, or accolades. But I'm going to have to tell you some of what I do with it, just to prove my point.  That no good deed goes unpunished.

If anyone doesn't know, the reason I could retire at age 47 from the Department of Corrections is that my father had cancer, and died at he age of 77 when he should have probably lived to be almost 100 like his mother did.  And he was a rocket scientist, and a miser.

When he died in 2006, he was still driving a 1988 Lincoln Town Car with 63K original miles on it.

About six years before that, he was too cheap to pay a mover when he relocated from Sun City, Arizona to Mesquite, Nevada and offered to pay all the expenses if Phil and I would bring my truck and haul a U-Haul trailer for him.  So we did.  When I sent him the receipts for gas, motel stays, meals, etc. it came to $496.  He said he would send me a check and include, "a little something" for Phil and I, for our efforts.  He sent me a check for $500.

I shit you not.

Any way, when he died, he left me some money.  And I had my own money in pension, so I could tell AP&P who kept dumping case on me because I was the guy who was DOING the job, to KMAG YOYO and get out.

When I spend my money, it's mostly been to travel so my wife can see the world while she can still see a little bit.  I also give money to Democrats, NPR, The University of Utah and other places.  I've been known to bail out friends and family in need.  What I don't do is give money in a public forum to try and prove what a great guy I am.  And I don't tell a lot of people, until right now (and it's still not a LOT of people who read this) what I do with it.

And I've never been offered a penny of what I've given, back.

I tell you THAT to tell you THIS.

Right after I retired, I saw a news story about a young Agent in my office who was in need of special Cancer treatment that was only available in Houston, Texas.  His friends were trying to raise money to get him there, because PEHP wouldn't pay for it.

I knew this kid.  Not well, but he had come on just before I left, and I'd been able to work in the field with him a couple of times.  He was a nice guy.  And he was a, "Brother Behind The Badge".  So I sent a check for $1000.

I have a feeling, even though I can't prove it, that no one else he worked with sent one that big.  And I didn't expect a lot of fanfare or public patting on the back.  But you would have thought that someone would have at least sent a, "Thank You" note.

A few years ago, a friend of mine was fishing for one of his friends to host his wife's surprise 50th birthday party.  No one was stepping up.  I mean, after all, hosting maybe 100 people is your back yard is not an easy task.  There is liability involved.  Let alone the, "pain in the ass" factor to be figured in.  But I have a big back yard, and I love a party, so I offered to let him do it here.

He was rushed for time the day of the party, so I picked up his in laws at the airport.  His mother in law had broken her glasses on the flight in, and after I dropped them off at my house, I went and got them fixed for her.  Even paid for it.

The ton of people here made a mess of my yard, he spilled shit that stained my garage floor while he was cooking, the kids ran wild.  But, a good time was had by all.  And I got a lovely thank you card from his in laws.

A week later, I found out that for the second time in six months, he had invited my closest friend and his wife to a dinner party at his house, but not me and my wife.  And he lied about it, to my face.  I know this made my friend he did invite REALLY uncomfortable.  How do I know this?  He TOLD me it did.

Now these are people that he ONLY knows because of me.  I found this to be very weird.  I don't need that in my life, so I cut him out of it.  Why would I hang out with someone who thinks I'm below him and his friends, and who makes my best friend uncomfortable?  

The bad part about this?  This guy is so socially inept, that he doesn't realize that if my wife and I are not good enough to hang around HIS friends, he is socially obligated to quit hanging around with MINE!  He needs to find some new playmates.  When he shows up, and everyone but him has been friends for 40 years, you would think he'd figure it out.  But no, he just keeps showing up. 

And tonight, in another, "socially" inept move, a relative has treated me like crap in a public forum.

I have a niece I love very much.  She's always remembered my birthday is Christmas Day and I have never failed to get a card, phone call, or even a birthday cake as long as I've been married to her aunt.

A few years ago, when her husband had lost his job, they came to me and asked to borrow $3000 so he could go to Oregon for a job interview.

I thought this odd since her parents, my wife's sister and brother in law, have MUCH more money than I do.  They have been retired longer.  Moved to a nice place in Southern Utah.  Travel a lot more than my wife and I do.  So I asked her about it.  Why hadn't she gone to her parents?

She said that her mom just didn't want to hear it and wouldn't listen to her.  This does NOT sound like my sister in law.  And that her dad had Alzheimer's and every time he said he'd write her a check he forgot.  I play golf with her dad once in a while, and that didn't sound right either.

I thought about it, and since I really care about her, I told her I would give her $1000, which I did.  And it wasn't a loan, she should consider it a gift.  She thanked me and I wished them the best.

A short time later at my father in law's funeral, I asked her parents about it.  Both of them, who seemed very coherent, were shocked.  They said it was the first they had heard about it.

OK.  That's odd.  But I just let it go.

They have since moved to southern Utah.  Her husband got a new job.  She has a job she seems to enjoy.  They seem to be doing very well.  I'm happy for them.

Recently, Jim bought an old Camaro to fix up.  I figured that must show that they were doing well.  He would have a great old car when he was done.  Or being a big fan of the Barrett/Jackson Auto Auction, he would make some money from his restoration project.

The other night, her husband posts a, "chain letter" email I'm sure some of you have seen.  July has five weekends, Chinese Fung Shui, post this and get money, yada, yada, yada.

They are both devout Christians.  I knew her husband was not being serious about Fung Shui.  So I was kidding, Jim about the post.  Even went on to kid him about HIS Camaro eventually costing more than MY Camaro to fix up and sell when he made some comments about my, "having money".  I thought he was kidding me right back.  Oh, no.

He was kicking my ass!  He went on for several post, in the very public forum of a Facebook wall, about how it's too bad that those of us who have money seem to enjoy kicking people who don't.

Wow.  All I could do was to write back and tell him the next time that he needs money?  I've given him enough.

I've enjoyed every minute of the being part of Deb's family for the last 27 years.  I didn't grow up around most of my family.  And from the second they met me, they made me feel a part of their family.  They are the finest people I've ever known.  I've done what I could to help the ones that needed it, and done my best as a left wing, atheist, Democrat to try not to step on their conservative, LDS toes.

And now, this guy calls me an insensitive jerk because I have a few bucks?  And I was making a joke about his chain letter?  Wow.

I expect to be ignored for my generosity by the general public.  But kicked in the teeth by, "family" who I've helped out for kidding around with you?  That's really out of line.

I think I'm going to keep my checkbook a little more close to the vest from here on out.  I've already learned to be a little more careful about who I keep as friends.  But you can't pick your family.