Thursday, July 28, 2011

Into The Bubble: A Savage Journey To The Heart Of The American Nightmare

My son has been invited to be a, "guest player" for a soccer team from Park City this year, and their first tournament started tonight in Orem.

Utah County.  "The Bubble".  Where it's always 1984.  Ronald Reagan is forever President, and BYU is the National Football Champion.  There are no Gay folks, and everyone will see you at the Ward Supper, because everyone is a Mormon.  And we, "Priciate cha so much" for it!

I've made no bones about my Atheist feelings, my Liberal Democratic politics (can't help it.  Went to a REAL college, learned to critically think.  That's what an education will do to you) and I even have, "U of U" license plates on my car.

I figured, that if I got off the freeway in Lehi, and took the back roads, I might not get shot at.  But before I could get off the freeway, there was a big billboard for, BYUTV, "The home of the Cougars".  Thank, God for that!  It pretty much assures that no one in the rest of the country will be exposed to THAT mess while they fill time between fire side chats from the leaders of the church, and showings of The Lawrence Welk Show!  So I know I'm in trouble.  These people hate people like me.

On that note?  Why don't we have a sign on the North bound side of I15, North side of point of the mountain that says something like, "ESPN, FOX SPORTS, PAC 12 NETWORK, the home of the Utes!"?  Or at least something like, "Welcome to BCS Country!  This is the only time YOU'LL ever get to see it!"  Just a thought.

Had to stop at Customs in Lehi.  They wanted to make sure that I wasn't a Mexican, had a Utah drivers license, wasn't carrying any alcohol or books, WAS carrying a gun, made sure I wasn't listening to NPR, and knew the password.  "1984".  They looked funny at the Camaro since it had the "U" plates, but they let me pass.  Awesome!  The boy won't miss his soccer game.

I passed billboards for, "Dear Elder", "The Missionary Connection" and strangely enough, one going in and out of the county advertising a trip to Israel with of all people?  Glenn Beck!

Here's a guy who's so right wing crazy he can't hold a job on, "Faux News", which is in the right wing and crazy business.  And you should go to one of the most history rich places on the planet, regardless of your religious views, and listen to a bat shit crazy, moron tell you all about it?  WTF?  Really?  Wow.  This place is even crazier than I thought.

And they're crazy enough to think the rest of the country is as interested in their football team as they are in Notre Dame.  And that's CRAZY, off the charts!

And on top of it, the road construction has everything so screwed up, and not just on the freeway that you can't get anywhere.  Even, On Star gave up on giving me directions at one point because of all the detours!

"You have left the route we are guiding you on.  Please press the On Star button again if you want directions from where you are now.  Thank you."  I didn't bother, but when we finally DID get into the park where the games were being held, the voice came back on and said, "You have reached your destination.  Route guidance will stop now."  You could almost hear the system say, "Jesus!  Where the hell have you BEEN!  We can't even find you with satellite GPS!"

The boys lost tonight and have two games tomorrow.  One early in the morning, one in the evening, so I have to spend the whole day down there in, "The Bubble" and I'm not looking forward to it.  I'm sure it will get weirder. 

But the bright side is that Deb wants to see some places down there she hasn't seen in many years, while she can still see.  So we'll take the opportunity of being down there (cause since her brothers family moved from Orem to St. George, we have NO reason to go to Utah County except when passing through) and let her look around.

But after tonight's experience?  I think the bat shit's a little thicker than I thought.  Might have to bring a BIGGER gun.

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